Couchtime WIth Jill

Sharp & snarky TV recaps with Jill Mader. (@jillemader on Twitter)

The Golden Globes Red Carpet – Favorites and Frowns

I wasn’t as excited about the Golden Globe Awards as I usually am, because back when the nominations came out I wasn’t thrilled with them. I know that we’re all supposed to know that these nominations are a joke, but I still get mad. How do you not even nominate Parks and Recreation for Best TV Comedy? There is no justification on the planet for omitting Mad Men from the Best TV Drama list but including The Newsroom! I have so many feelings. I wanted to boycott.

But of course, I didn’t boycott. I watched, I tweeted, I blogged. So first off, check out a few of the red carpet gowns that blew me away and made me say “Oh, honey, no.”

Favorites

favorite golden globes 2013 gowns

Left to right: Michelle Dockery, Lucy Liu, Kristen Bell, Olivia Munn

My favorite dresses were the ones that were different and unpredictable. There was a lot of the same old, same old on the red carpet this year. Mermaid tails, bland colors, sequins and whatnot. These were four women who really caught my eye.

I love how Michelle Dockery stands out. It makes her look statuesque and elegant, which are two adjectives that suit her. I loved Lucy Liu’s because it was so bold and different from everything else. It’s difficult to tell in the front-on photo, but Kristen Bell is pregnant. I loved this maternity gown – the neckline was not my favorite, but everything else about it was. And I liked how simple, yet sexy, Olivia Munn’s column dress was. I love column dresses because you see so many ball gown and mermaid tail skirts on the red carpet.

Not My Jam

Many things on the red carpet were, to be extremely kind, not my jam. In fact, some were downright hideous.

I wanted to like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler so much, because I adore them as comedians and I liked that they kind of dressed like they were dating. I came close to liking this.

tiny fey and amy poehler

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Tina’s dress isn’t the worst if you ignore the terrible posture they caught in this photo, but I hate the length. I came so close to liking Amy’s suit, but again, length. Capri pants look good on no one. A full-length skinny pant would have been amazing.

Another one I came close to liking was Rachel Weisz.

rachel weisz

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz

The top two thirds of this are fantastic, except for a cocktail party rather than a fancy awards show. But the sheer skirt and the sour-faced husband ruin it.

These next four, though, were really the pits. The worst of the worst.

golden globes 2013 worst

Left to right: Kat McPhee, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain

Katharine McPhee is trying to hard. The front boob, the side boob, the leg. It was all too much. She looked like a skanky geisha. I’m not sure why Alyssa Milano was invited to the show, since it wasn’t taking place in 1998, but that orange dress appeared to be made from the cheapest, shiniest 1980s prom dress fabric ever.

The worst and most disappointing two, though, were Jennifer Lawrence and Jessica Chastain. Jennifer’s orange ball gown, at first glance, was fine though not my cup of tea. The mirrored belt was cool, but the tight strapless bodice and full skirt look has never been my favorite. But then, up close, we all saw her chest. Her breasts had been squished into this weird bodice, and then elongated in some sort of cruel cone bra. Horrendous.

Jessica’s problem was the opposite – instead of being squished into a contraption, her breasts were left to swim among yards of extra fabric. That blue dress is so ill-fitting, I’m convinced it was someone’s high school sewing class project. From the side, it was truly tragic.

So those are my favorites and frowns of the red carpet! What were yours?


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Funny Friday: A Sitcom Roundup

funny friday This week:

  • Happy Endings
  • Don’t Trust The B…
  • New Girl
  • The Mindy Project
  • Cougar Town
  • Modern Family
  • The Big Bang Theory
  • The Office

Note: From now until the end of the month, ABC will be airing two episodes of Happy Endings and Don’t Trust The B— In Apartment 23 per week, on Sunday and Tuesday nights. This is because they’re low-rated sitcoms and the network wants to free up time in the schedule to try out other shows. I wish these comedies did better, because I love them, but let’s look on the Brightside – double doses of funny for a few weeks!

happy endings sunday Happy Endings – “Fowl Play/Date” (Sunday)
This episode of Happy Endings was on the wackier side of the scale, what with the dead parrot and the raunchier and more racial jokes. I can see it not working for some people, but I enjoyed it. I’ve always liked the rapid pace jokes are fired out on this show, and the “con” jokes over brunch were a great example of how well the cast can pull off that kind of thing. (I need a bottle episode of Alex in her Annie Hall outfit at the Rom-Com Con. Also, when my fiancé saw her, he asked “Is she supposed to be Meg Ryan or something? Sigh. I have so much work to do.) I also LOVED Jane and Dave’s blind dates for Max. Particularly Jane as a gay man, rocking the shorts. Hilarious.
Best moment: I plan on wining, dining and 79ing him. And yes if you’re wondering that is 10 better!”
Runner up: “I don’t know why I’m surprised, I once saw you put sunscreen on a grape because you didn’t want it to become a raisin.”

happy endings tuesday Happy Endings – “Ordinary Extraordinary Love” (Tuesday)
This episode was funnier to me than Sunday night’s, probably of the heavy amount of Jane. I loved watching her and Derrick take Max to every gay event in the city to try and figure out what incredibly specific gay sub-group he belongs to. (The “Ginger Snaps” were my favorite.) I also loved seeing Brad and Dave try and act like manly men. I wasn’t as into Alex and Penny’s storyline, but I still liked the episode overall.
Best moment: Alex just hasn’t been that into music since Smashmouth left the scene.

Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23 – “Paris…” (Sunday)
This was another very funny episode of 23. I felt like all the pieces fell into place here – June’s new job, Chloe’s role as a badass, and James’ actor quirks. I like seeing Mark struggle with his feelings for June, and even Eli worked this week as he doled out advice from his window. I loved watching June attempt to kill her nemesis with kindness, but actually end up accidentally stab her. Usually an episode that sidelines Chloe is a dud, but Dreama Walker carried it this time. The “You from Queens!” bit was a funny surprise.
Best moment: “As an actor, I know everything there is to know about writing. I also know everything there is to know about medicine, being a fireman… and an astronaut.”
Runner up: “That felt like chicken.”

apartment 23 tuesday Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23 – “The Scarlet Neighbor…” (Tuesday)
Sigh. I want to have liked this episode, but I was too immensely distracted by the fact that ABC has been airing these episodes out of order. It was especially noticeable with the two that aired this week. On Sunday night, June had an exciting new job and Mark was trying to figure out how to make his move. On Tuesday night, June was back working at the coffee shop, she barely knew her neighbors and still hadn’t quite accepted Chloe’s badass, carefree ways, and Mark was getting back together with his crappy girlfriend. UGH. There were aspects to this episode that I enjoyed, but the continuity issues drove me so insane that I don’t even feel like blogging about it.
Best moment: On Sunday mornings, Mark’s girlfriend makes him go hiking with the cats.

new girl New Girl – “Cabin”
I loved *everything* about this episode. Everyone in the cast got great moments. Jess, Nick and their partners hitting a cabin for the weekend with a bottle of absinthe made for unbelievable hilarity. Schmidt attempting to get Winston to act more black was absolutely the funniest those two characters have ever been together. Everything about it worked – that Schmidt would try and do something like that, and how Winston could barely hold his laughs in as he used it to prank Schmidt. The verbal delivery of the words “crack cocaine” alone was enough to prove why I love this show. The storyline played with a lot of stereotypes, but Schmidt’s intentions were good and the jokes were all so well written that it worked.
Best moment: “If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat. But like a really big Monopoly one. And I say that with deepest compliments.”

mindy The Mindy Project – “Mindy’s Brother”
The reviews I’ve read online of this episode have been mixed, but I freakin’ loved it. I laughed out loud many times, and thought it was one of the better episodes this series has delivered so far. I know my taste is biased by my love for Kaling, but I adore this show. This week, Mindy tried to convince her brother not to drop out of school to pursue a rap career, after he surprised her by showing up in New York. I prefer self-righteous Mindy to hot mess Mindy, and the show played up those beats just like the episode where she doled out sex advice to teenagers. I like the Mindy who says “Rapping is a hobby. Do you think I would just throw my life away simply because I’m good at naming celebrity couples?” Minds was also trying to cope with a lot of stress, from work and from her recent love life disaster with Josh. Bringing the midwives back into play was a smart, funny move. I also loved Mindy’s Boston accent, the stress-barfing made me laugh, and Mindy’s reaction to having to deliver her brother’s racy lyrics were all highlights. I just felt lukewarm about the B plot, but Mindy’s main stuff was enough to carry the episode for me.
Best moment: “Oh my god did my tuition check bounce? Sometimes they don’t take those Hunger Games checks seriously, but I get such good Mockingjay points.”

cougar town Cougar Town – “Blue Sunday”
Cougar Town is on TBS now, guys! I still haven’t figured out if I actually get that channel (I get too many channels to find my favorite shows, has there ever been a more first world problem?) but I’m thrilled that the show is still on the air. This was a great first episode back – the gang still has perfect chemistry, and Jules and Dime Eyes’ marriage has only made things better. There were tons of hilarious moments and I can’t wait for more.
Best moment: The teaser at the end, with a hilarious appearance from Michelle Williams, was amazing.
Runners up: “B-T-Dubs, I’m kind of obsessed with Monopoly. In high school I once had a backseat quickie with a guy just because his name was Marvin Gardens. The point is, I played Monopoly so much that all the kids called me “Community Chest”.
And: “I would apologize, but I know how to behave in a dream.”

Modern Family – “New Year’s Eve”
The folks on Modern Family spend more time together than most families, and it was good to see that acknowledged by the clan when Jay forced everyone to spend New Year’s Eve together at a hotel that Jay remembered from the old days with rose colored glasses. They spend too much time together to just have a quiet dinner, and everyone bailed as quickly as possible. The real highlight of the episode, though, was watching Haley and Alex try and figure out how to deal with babysitting the kids when Luke and Manny had invited girls over.
Best moment: Nude Year’s Eve.
Runner up: “We should start calling her ranch house, because she doesn’t have a second story.”

tbbt star trek The Big Bang Theory – “The Bakersfield Expedition”
I felt like I knew what this episode would consist of when the guys said they were going to a comic book convention. But getting their car stolen while they were taking photos dressed in Star Trek garb was NOT what I expected. And it was hilarious. Meanwhile, the girls tried to read comic books to try and connect with their dudes. I liked this because now that comic books are more mainstream, trying them out is something that everyone can relate to. I liked how it turned into a big argument about the workings of Thor and his hammer. This was a nice episode.
Best moment: “You can’t ask a question like that in here, are you trying to start a rumble?”
Runner up: “The only thing left to do now is assign blame.”

The Office – “Lice”
Poor Pam. With Jim in Philly for meetings, she was dealing with the kids on her own – and a lice outbreak. Of course, that made for some office hilarity that played up some of the funniest peripheral characters. Everyone thought Meredith was to blame, plus we got some Oscar/Angela tension and a reminder of Erin’s orphanage past. (BTW guys, pretty sure mayonnaise doesn’t actually work for lice.) I like that Jim did so well in Philly – that guy needs a win, and the series only has half a season to let him and Pam move to Philly permanently.
Best moment: Jim in the limo, and Pam having a beer with Meredith.


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Series Review: Homeland (Spoiler free before the break)

homeland

Homeland airs on Showtime and will begin its third season this fall.

It’s finally happened! In December, I finally watched Homeland. To some people, this is like saying “In December I finally downloaded iTunes” or “In December, I learned how to read.” Homeland has all the buzz that Breaking Bad did a couple years ago, and because I am a respectable TV Blogger, I was obviously last to get on the bandwagon.

OK, maybe not the last. For those of you who haven’t seen Homeland, here’s the gist. Claire Danes plays a bipolar CIA operative who is investigating an American POW who has returned from Iraq. She has information to suggest that it’s possible he may be a terrorist, but she cannot prove it. She is also in love with him.

Yeah. At times the premise works, and at times it feels as ridiculous as it sounds. It may be because I arrived at the show late, and the series fell victim to all the hype. It may be because the show’s second season is flawed, and when you mainline everything that blurs together with the much stronger first season. It may be because I have bad taste. I don’t know what it is, but I definitely didn’t love Homeland to the extent that others do. It’s well-acted for the most part, it can be incredibly suspenseful and exciting at times, but I think it’s far from the best show on TV. A show to watch? Sure, if you’ve already seen The Wire, Mad Men and Breaking Bad. But one good season and a spotty second season does not make a show that goes down in history as one of the best. I really need to see what Homeland will do in their third season before I decide whether this show is willing to take the kinds of risks it requires to rank as high as my other favorite shows.

From here on out it’ll be spoiler city, so click through only if you’ve watched all episodes of Homeland.

To get into some of the more specific issues I have with the show, let’s begin with acting. Everyone speaks about how excellent the acting is on Homeland, and I can’t really join that chorus. The three main actors do very well – Claire Danes as Carrie, Damien Lewis as Brody, and the truly fantastic Many Patinkin as Saul. But even there, I do find that Danes goes a little too over the top with the crazy eyes and the ugly cry at times. There are other actors on the show that I find almost painful to watch. The guy who plays Mike is so wooden that I’m half convinced he’s a real military officer, not an actor. Not that I think Walter Jr. is the heart of Breaking Bad or anything, but Brody’s kids leave something to be desired. The son is as layered a character as Popeye.

And then there’s Brody’s wife. I’ll draw another comparison to Breaking Bad and ask, why do the wives always have to be the worst? Man oh man, she is unbelievably awful in the second season. Her husband tells her he’s working with the CIA, and not only does she wheedle him for more information, but she goes around telling that secret to basically anyone. This show has a strong, complex female lead, but it does weird things with its female characters. Carrie is an emotional wreck who has to be managed by the men above her. Jessica turns into a shrew. Dana, famous for literally crying over spilt milk, just sort of says “Dad! Dad!” a lot.

brody-homeland Then there are the plotlines. Season one was very good. It moved along at a brisk pace, there were surprises along the way and the writers didn’t treat us like idiots by dragging out the mystery of whether Brody was a terrorist. For most of the season, the questions were whether Carrie believed he was, and whether she could prove it. The season built towards a thrilling finale, “Marine One” in which Brody chose not to go through with a terrorist act at the 11th hour after receiving a phone call from his daughter.

A few episodes into the second season, I wondered if it would have been better to have killed Brody in the season one finale. The big problem for me is, I have never been invested in Carrie and Brody as a couple. I think their romance is stupid, I don’t care about whether they get to be together or not and I’m only interested in their relationship on a cat and mouse level. Yes, the feelings add a lot of complexity to the chase. But I would have been more interested in seeing Carrie deal with the fact that she fell in love with a terrorist following Brody’s suicide bombing, and then move on to a new villain. Keeping Brody around resulted in far-fetched plots and tired romantic beats.

The second season was a mess. Brody’s life as a politician and Jessica’s role as a political wife held no intrigue for me. Carrie out of commission was necessary after her breakdown, but it made for a boring few episodes. Things only began to heat up when Saul showed Estes the suicide bombing tape that Brody had made. The fact that Carrie blew their cover on a hunch, with no real reason to believe that Brody was onto her, was the first exciting thing to happen in the season – that was at the end of episode four.

Carrie working with Brody as an asset was good, but it felt contrived – a way to have Carrie and Brody be together without making it clear whether it was for work or for pleasure. The same goes for the hit and run storyline – it was designed to put Brody in a situation where he was so stressed that he would break down, but it was poorly written and felt like a waste of time each time it was visited.

There were things that rang false throughout the season, too. Brody using a cell phone in an important meeting so that he can text a warning to Abu Nazir? Come on. Brody, a known terrorist who was working with the CIA, used his cell phone many times in the latter half of the season when you’d wonder “Isn’t the CIA tracking this?”  When Quinn refused to kill Brody but instead threatened to kill Estes, that also felt like a stretch. And how will Carrie be able to explain her disappearance after the bombing in the finale?

Despite my issues with chunks of season two, the finale was something. Having that bomb go off and killing so many characters was the kind of bold move I was worried the show wasn’t capable of making – however, I again think that Brody should have been killed off there as well. Abu Nazir’s plan was never to live, and it made perfect sense that the big attack would be planned for after his death, when the CIA had gotten complacent. He was able to target all the people he hated. He was also able to exact revenge on Brody for betraying him, by releasing that old suicide bomb confession tape. Brilliant.

carrie and saul

The Carrie and Saul relationship is the heart of the show.

I both liked and disliked that the bomb was in Brody’s car. It added a lot of drama, yes – Carrie awoke after the blast and had to point a gun at her lover’s head. But, like, hadn’t we been through all that before? It took us back to the same place we’d been in season one, with Carrie unsure as to whether her boyfriend is a terrorist. I hated that they went on the run, even if she ended up bailing. How will she explain that to Saul? (I do love that Saul is now basically in charge of everything.) And the promise to clear Brody’s name? Please. I’m over that relationship, I want a fresh challenge for Carrie and Saul. But with Brody still in the picture, you know that won’t happen. I’d love for season three to be as good as season one, but I have trouble believing that it will be.

This review is coming across as extremely negative, but if there weren’t qualities to the show that I like, I wouldn’t have finished the two seasons. There were several episodes in a row where, at the end of each one, I thought “Gah! Now I have to watch the next!” But watching season two immediately after the first was a pretty big disappointment. Now, you guys head to the comments section and hit me with all your thoughts! I’m sure some of you will disagree, and I’m dying to hear it!


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A Quick Review of ‘Bunheads’

B

Another appearance from a Gilmore alum – remember Luke’s brother-in-law TJ?

The quirky, warm ABC Family show Bunheads returned for a second season this week, with an episode that summed up everything that people like about the show. The adult and teen storylines worked really well. Boo’s overwhelmed with her home life, Sasha’s hiding out from hers, and Ginny and Melanie add comedic flair to all their interactions.

Michelle was working a crappy job somewhere in Nevada, back to an even sadder life than she had before marrying Hubble. One of the kinks that needed to be ironed out in the first season was the morbid way in which Michelle entered Fanny’s life, and by the season finale the writers had found a way to sweetly recognize what Michelle and Hubble did and didn’t have. This episode was a nice continuation of that, and it was great to see Michelle return to Paradise by herself, because that’s where her life was now.

I still don’t like this show as much as some other TV critics I follow – I don’t think it holds a candle to Gilmore Girls, and there are so many similarities that it’s hard not to make the comparison. But I’m beginning to appreciate this show on its own, and I have high hopes for the second season. What did you guys think of the first episode?


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Parenthood – Puberty and Pregnancy

drew

Drew and Amber, best siblings on TV

Parenthood has been famously emotional this season, and last night’s episode was no exception. It was one of the few episodes (if not the only?) this year that didn’t really mention Kristina’s cancer, yet it still managed to make me cry by the time it was all over. There are only two episodes left, and I’m really going to miss this show when it’s finished.

While Drew is often one of the more peripheral characters on this show, he has had some beautiful moments over the years – particularly with the Seth storyline. I’ve always liked that he’s been a bit in the background. He’s a shy, quiet, sensitive kid and it made sense that he wouldn’t be at the center of drama, but instead up in his room reading a book.

I love how well the pregnancy storyline was handled. I really appreciate Jason Katims’ commitment to realistically depicting teen pregnancy and abortion on TV, because it’s still not a subject you see covered very often. His storyline with Becky and Tami Taylor on Friday Night Lights was very good, and in a way I think this one was even better.

We don’t often see teen pregnancy from the male’s perspective in pop culture, and when we do it’s almost always negative. It was refreshing to see this fictionalization, with a young man who is sweet and kind and wants to do the right thing for his girlfriend. Instead of the villain, Drew is a kid who’s been raised by a liberal families with values to respect women’s rights. When Amy told him she was pregnant, he tried to support her and help her make the decision, but also to be there for her no matter what she chose. Drew wanted to keep the baby, but Amy wasn’t willing to consider that and he respected her choice and helped her through the abortion.

I liked what the writers did with Amy, too. She was scared, and traumatized and completely shut down. She barely accepted Drew’s support, and really only acknowledged the tangible support like money and rides to the clinic. She wasn’t able to accept his emotional support, and my heart broke for Drew when she quickly let go of his hand at the Planned Parenthood waiting room. Everyone is different, and Amy was dealing with the crisis by withdrawing and pushing Drew away.

There were a few truly excellent scenes that came out of this storyline. I liked how it brought Mark and Sarah back together, even though I’m not completely on board with this love triangle. I appreciate how Sarah will understand the validity of Mark’s concern now that she knows the truth. The scene when Drew went to Amber for help was very sweet, and a reminder of the immense chemistry the two actors have as siblings. And the final scene really got me. After going through with the abortion, and essentially handling the situation in as a responsible way as possible, Drew broke down and went to his mom in tears. The fact that he couldn’t even speak, but only sob, really struck a chord with me. It was the best way to end the episode.

There was another fantastic storyline this week, and it tied into Drew’s situation in a really beautiful way. Max is hitting puberty, which means uncomfortable conversations about body changes, personal hygiene and sexual feelings for Adam and Kristina. It was handled with humor that added some levity to the episode, but it also had a melancholy side. Max wasn’t ready to talk about girls, and how he might start to feel about them, and how Asperger’s might influence that. The hygiene stuff he understood, because it’s science. But the other stuff, he wasn’t ready for it. It was an interesting mirror to Drew’s storyline.

I fear that the writers are making a mistake with Julia and Joel’s storyline, when it was already on shaky ground from the beginning. I think Victor’s addition to the family has resulted in some well-crafted dramatic moments for the family, but it’s veering too hard in one direction. Julia is questioning the decision to adopt because of Victor’s difficult behavior at home – he called the cops on them with a false claim of abuse this week – but Joel is still committed to raising Victor as their son. Joel is already the perfect human man, and his patience here is elevating him to sainthood. Julia has always been the more prickly character, and the way she’s so quickly given up hope both vilifies her and rings false. Julia must know that the way she’s treating Victor is contributing to his behavior. She must know that it’s normal for him to feel like she’s not his real mother and to act out. She must know that this troubled behavior could go on for years. She must know that they have to have an honest conversation with Sydney about her new brother’s difficult past, why he acts the way he does, and what they can do to help. I believe Julia would know all that, which is why I think her concern over whether to adopt should seem more conflicted. She has abandoned Victor too quickly, and I hope the writers can do something before the season ends to rectify that impression.

The fourth storyline this week was pretty minor, but did the trick in elevating the tension that comes with Crosby’s mother-in-law moving in. It was basic stuff at first – too many people in need of the bathroom, opinions on what to have for dinner and when, etc. And then Renee turned down a job offer, because of the benefits and vacation time. To Crosby, Renee should take a decent job that’s offered to her so that she can begin supporting herself again. But Renee had a job she loved for thirty years, and the decision is not as easy. I’m on Crosby’s side here, but I thought the writers did a nice job of showing the heartbreak of losing a good job and the pride that prevents someone from taking something that’s beneath them. Parenthood so often excels at showing both sides of a situation, and they did that here.

I have a feeling that some viewers may consider this episode a weak link in the season, because so much of Monica Potter’s work this year has been amazing. But while the cancer storyline has been tremendously written and acted, I do still love some of the other aspects to Parenthood. I think Drew and Amy’s story here was brave, honest and extremely well done.


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The Bachelor – Will Sean be a yawn?

The Bachelor – Will Sean be a yawn? OK ladies and gents, it’s that time of year again – the dark days of winter, when we all huddle up inside of Monday nights and watch The Bachelor. Did you feel that shiver? That’s the ghost of good TV.

But seriously – I watch plenty of good shows, but The Bachelor holds a special place in my small, snarky heart. No show is as fun to mock. This season, we get to see blond, buff, good ol’ American family-lovin’ Sean go on a “journey” to find “love” with a bunch of catty, fame-seeking “ladies”.

Intro

So we got to know Sean again, which was a lot of reminders of how Emily broke his heart, and how he is very rich and family-oriented and also rich.

I actually found Ari’s visit kind of endearing, because they joked around a lot and actually seemed like real human males. That’s rare on this show, but much like Emily’s “blooper reel” of last season, I wish they’d show more of these kinds of moments.

The Girls

We met a few of Sean’s potential love interests before they arrived at the mansion. Tierra seemed sweet and stalker-level excited to meet Sean, but… her name is Tierra.

Diana, 31, is a divorced mom of two. Two daughters! Sean says he’s family oriented…

There were a few women who didn’t fit the typical Bachelor mold – after a lot of controversy about the utter lack of racial diversity in casting, the producers went nuts and cast a handful of women of minority backgrounds. It would be a welcome change if it didn’t feel so forced. We also met Sarah, who was born with one arm. I can never believe the best about The Bachelor, so I’m more inclined to believe that this is appeasing public criticism and stunt casting, rather than actual inclusiveness. But it was worth knowing.

I’ve tried to avoid anything and everything about 50 Shades of Grey up until now, because, well, obviously. But of course, the show had to introduce Ashley, who is obsessed with the smutty excuse for writing. (Seriously – just read a few Amazon reviews to hear how often words and phrases are repeated in that text. We can do better, ladies!)

The Meetings

I thought Jackie was cute – she put on a fresh coat of red lipstick and planted a kiss on Sean’s cheek. It was memorable without being weird or too forward. It was much better than the country singer who sang that awful, weird song. Or the girl who tried to back-flip her way towards Sean – yeah, like, gymnastics – and FELL. How humiliating. It was probably because they always hose down that courtyard. (I assume they wet it down to wash away the STDs of seasons past.)

Tierra, who I said was adorable despite her name at the beginning, made a huge impression on Sean within seconds. It’s her smile and that cute “open heart” bit. Sean decided to give her the First Impression rose before he’d even met the rest of the women.

Desiree is a bridal stylist that seemed OK in her intro package, and I really loved her gown. I hope she sticks around so I can see what else she wears. At least she wasn’t the one who wore a freaking wedding gown. Come on. That’s stupid. Almost as stupid as “50 Shades of Crazy”, who whipped a tie out of her boobs and tried to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible. I missed this, but I’m told Sean made a crack about needing a rape whistle.

The 26th woman was an extra – it’s not a season of The Bachelor now if there isn’t a returning cast member desperate to meet the bachelor. I knew it would be Kacie B. Sweet, Southern, family-focused Kacie was always too good for Ben and is perfect for a golden boy like Sean. The other women immediately began to whisper about Kacie, whether or not she had the right to be there, and how her parents were the deal breaker for her with Ben. I mean, they were like, nice people though. That felt harsh. As always, the comments were generally idiotic.

“She had her chance with Ben, so what makes her think it will work with Sean?” Well, for starters, he is an entirely different person.

More Roses

After chatting with Desiree about her career and family, Sean handed over another rose. He definitely has a type. Sean is making up the rules as he goes along, it seems, which I always kind of like. Especially when it makes all the other women incredibly jealous and insecure. He handed out a third one soon after, and then a few more.

When it was time for the real rose ceremony, Sean had handed out 12 roses and there was a distinct difference between the women who’d already gotten one and the women who hadn’t. The super blond, over-tan women with fake boobs and glitzy dresses were all standing without roses. The women Sean had given roses to were a diverse group, but it really seemed like he went for down to earth women with nice personalities.

Sean did end up giving a rose to Kacie, which didn’t surprise me. She’s his type – a sweet brunette – and they’d met before. She might get friend-zoned, but I figured he’d at least give it a chance. There were a couple surprises – Taryn, who Sean hadn’t had a chance to talk to, and drunk wedding dress girl. I can only assume she was the producers’ pick.

I’ve got to say, I have a feeling a may not hate this season. Of course, I thought Emily chose well with Jef and that didn’t work out, so I have absolutely no faith in this show whatsoever. But Sean doesn’t make me want to throw up. I liked his choices, but the previews suggest we’re still in store for a drama-filled, catty season. Sounds like Tierra isn’t the sweetheart she came across as in this episode! What did you guys think of the show?


The Bachelor – Will Sean be a yawn? ...

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