It’s a proven fact that a couple’s sex life can wax and wane during the years of marriage. Certain things like work stress and travel, the birth of children and even our own insecurities can get in the way of a healthy and regular sex life.
Well, that’s just a shame! Because sex is good and fun and well, a great way to relieve stress, actually!
In the last few years my husband, Tim and I (that’s us above) have dealt with a few issues in this area, as I think many couples do. Thankfully, we have both been willing to communicate and share our feelings with each other on the topic and we are in a good place. So, I wanted to share with you all some of things we do to keep “the spark alive” in our own marriage. (and just a hint: most of these things lead to that word… S.E.X.)… 😉
Go on “Date Night”s
Tim and I try to go on a date once a month. Thankfully we are able to fit one in pretty much every month. We also go to lunch together alone on days when all the kids are in school and we can both make time for it. Occasionally we have lunch at home, where it is quiet (if you know what I mean).
I cannot express how much this helps our marriage; the time for just the two of us to talk and laugh and even remember things in our history together is invaluable. Reconnecting is a big part of marriage, especially when you have younger children that take so much attention and energy.
This also goes along with weekends away, if you can swing one of those occasionally too. Or even just one night away in a near-by hotel works!
Little emails, IMs or texts during the day expressing to your spouse how you feel are a good way to spark things for that evening. These messages also keep them thinking about YOU throughout the day, even during a day that may be extra stressful, because it always helps to get a message from your partner. Additionally, it takes very little time to send a loving text. All I’m saying is I know for a fact that this has worked in my marriage, for both of us. Giving and receiving.
Spend time apart
This may seem counterintuitive but it is so true. You know that saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Tim and I are always extra happy to see each other after we’ve been away from each other for a day or two. Plus, I am a very social person and just need time out with my friends, which I am usually able to enjoy a couple times a month. That time away from the craziness of our daily life gives me more balance as a wife and a mother. It lessens my stress level and even helps me to value my marriage more. And, I realize that it is possible that I could have no one to come home to and I feel blessed that this is not the case.
Do something unexpected
Maybe it’s been a LONG time since your spouse saw you in sexy lingerie… Perhaps you just cannot seem to part with that super soft, XL t-shirt that is just now broken-in but you know you look sorta frumpy wearing? Well then, surprise him one night with something lacy instead. This is just one example of something you could do to ignite the flames.
You could also book a babysitter as a surprise one night (that’s a suggestion is also for the guys out there…)
This next one is sort of along the same lines…
Make an effort
Ladies shave your legs every other day instead of once a month. Maybe go back to wearing some perfume that your guy loves every-now-and again. Men, bring home flowers and/or chocolate (especially at a certain time of the month). You know, pretend like you’re dating again. Like you’re still trying to “woo” your partner. Not only are these things thoughtful but they also bring back that old feeling of those days when life was more simple and sex was well, easier. Sounds good to me!
P.S. A man cleaning the kitchen can be considered foreplay in our household…
What do you and your spouse do to keep the spark alive in your marriage? I would love to hear any other suggestions you may have!