OK ladies and gents, it’s that time of year again – the dark days of winter, when we all huddle up inside of Monday nights and watch The Bachelor. Did you feel that shiver? That’s the ghost of good TV.

But seriously – I watch plenty of good shows, but The Bachelor holds a special place in my small, snarky heart. No show is as fun to mock. This season, we get to see blond, buff, good ol’ American family-lovin’ Sean go on a “journey” to find “love” with a bunch of catty, fame-seeking “ladies”.

Intro

So we got to know Sean again, which was a lot of reminders of how Emily broke his heart, and how he is very rich and family-oriented and also rich.

I actually found Ari’s visit kind of endearing, because they joked around a lot and actually seemed like real human males. That’s rare on this show, but much like Emily’s “blooper reel” of last season, I wish they’d show more of these kinds of moments.

The Girls

We met a few of Sean’s potential love interests before they arrived at the mansion. Tierra seemed sweet and stalker-level excited to meet Sean, but… her name is Tierra.

Diana, 31, is a divorced mom of two. Two daughters! Sean says he’s family oriented…

There were a few women who didn’t fit the typical Bachelor mold – after a lot of controversy about the utter lack of racial diversity in casting, the producers went nuts and cast a handful of women of minority backgrounds. It would be a welcome change if it didn’t feel so forced. We also met Sarah, who was born with one arm. I can never believe the best about The Bachelor, so I’m more inclined to believe that this is appeasing public criticism and stunt casting, rather than actual inclusiveness. But it was worth knowing.

I’ve tried to avoid anything and everything about 50 Shades of Grey up until now, because, well, obviously. But of course, the show had to introduce Ashley, who is obsessed with the smutty excuse for writing. (Seriously – just read a few Amazon reviews to hear how often words and phrases are repeated in that text. We can do better, ladies!)

The Meetings

I thought Jackie was cute – she put on a fresh coat of red lipstick and planted a kiss on Sean’s cheek. It was memorable without being weird or too forward. It was much better than the country singer who sang that awful, weird song. Or the girl who tried to back-flip her way towards Sean – yeah, like, gymnastics – and FELL. How humiliating. It was probably because they always hose down that courtyard. (I assume they wet it down to wash away the STDs of seasons past.)

Tierra, who I said was adorable despite her name at the beginning, made a huge impression on Sean within seconds. It’s her smile and that cute “open heart” bit. Sean decided to give her the First Impression rose before he’d even met the rest of the women.

Desiree is a bridal stylist that seemed OK in her intro package, and I really loved her gown. I hope she sticks around so I can see what else she wears. At least she wasn’t the one who wore a freaking wedding gown. Come on. That’s stupid. Almost as stupid as “50 Shades of Crazy”, who whipped a tie out of her boobs and tried to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible. I missed this, but I’m told Sean made a crack about needing a rape whistle.

The 26th woman was an extra – it’s not a season of The Bachelor now if there isn’t a returning cast member desperate to meet the bachelor. I knew it would be Kacie B. Sweet, Southern, family-focused Kacie was always too good for Ben and is perfect for a golden boy like Sean. The other women immediately began to whisper about Kacie, whether or not she had the right to be there, and how her parents were the deal breaker for her with Ben. I mean, they were like, nice people though. That felt harsh. As always, the comments were generally idiotic.

“She had her chance with Ben, so what makes her think it will work with Sean?” Well, for starters, he is an entirely different person.

More Roses

After chatting with Desiree about her career and family, Sean handed over another rose. He definitely has a type. Sean is making up the rules as he goes along, it seems, which I always kind of like. Especially when it makes all the other women incredibly jealous and insecure. He handed out a third one soon after, and then a few more.

When it was time for the real rose ceremony, Sean had handed out 12 roses and there was a distinct difference between the women who’d already gotten one and the women who hadn’t. The super blond, over-tan women with fake boobs and glitzy dresses were all standing without roses. The women Sean had given roses to were a diverse group, but it really seemed like he went for down to earth women with nice personalities.

Sean did end up giving a rose to Kacie, which didn’t surprise me. She’s his type – a sweet brunette – and they’d met before. She might get friend-zoned, but I figured he’d at least give it a chance. There were a couple surprises – Taryn, who Sean hadn’t had a chance to talk to, and drunk wedding dress girl. I can only assume she was the producers’ pick.

I’ve got to say, I have a feeling a may not hate this season. Of course, I thought Emily chose well with Jef and that didn’t work out, so I have absolutely no faith in this show whatsoever. But Sean doesn’t make me want to throw up. I liked his choices, but the previews suggest we’re still in store for a drama-filled, catty season. Sounds like Tierra isn’t the sweetheart she came across as in this episode! What did you guys think of the show?

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