Well, it’s that time of year again! The ten weeks when I write “What did <insert confusing storyline here> mean?” or “What’s <insert major character name here>’s deal?” and you guys answer. It’s time for Game of Thrones season three! And all I have to say is, thank god for that fifteen minute season two recap show. We opened with that poor fat kid running in the snow. What’s his name? Is he the one who fell in love with the girl whose father marries his own daughters? (Yes, he is. Rob confirmed this as I typed.) Yikes. I’m already doing GREAT keeping these characters straight. Within minutes, we saw a decapitated head and body. Welcome back, GoT! King’s Landing Tyrion doesn’t trust Cersei, because of course. And he had some issues with Tywin, because no one had told him “Hey, thanks for defending King’s Landing and saving the day for our wealthy, awful family!” He wanted Casterly Rock, which the Interwebs tells me is a large fortress (Haarenhal is biggest) on a stone hill. Littlefinger told Sansa that he might be able to get her home, but he is the least trustworthy person. Even his ladyfriend said so. Dragonstone Stannis Baratheon’s right-hand dude, Davos, was found on a rock in the ocean (that’s where he ended up after the big battle), and once he was saved he swore to go stop Melisandre – even if it means his own death. Melisandre blamed Davos for losing the battle, because he’d convinced Stannis to leave her behind, and he was thrown in the dungeon after yelling at her. Winterfell Robb Stark put his mother in jail because she freed Jaime Lannister (remember, she thought it was in exchange for her two daughters). That was basically all we saw. Dragons! The dragons are big and fly around now! Cool. Very cool. Daenerys and Jorah are on a ship now. She has to put together an army, and met with a guy who looked like Ben Kingsley and his translator. He said rude things, and she responded with appropriate information. So I guess they can’t be trusted either. Then he cut off a soldier’s nipple, which was simply disgusting. Also gross? That weird, creepy kid with the black lips and the bug. A warlock, apparently. A man in a black cloak saved Daeny, and called her “my queen”. He served Robert Baratheon but had been part of Daeny’s father’s King’s Guard. The episode ended with him offering to serve her and saying that he wouldn’t let her down again. So that was the episode. I’m bummed we didn’t see Arya, because she’s my favorite, but overall it was OK. GoT always starts incredibly slow, setting up the pieces all season for a great last couple episodes. As always, this recap is spotty at best, so feel free to fill in the gaps in the comments and tell me what you thought of the show. ...