So here it is. The sign the summer is truly over. It’s the Big Brother finale!
Before the show starts let’s breakdown the final three and their winning potential.
Rachel
Why she could win: Rachel is the last Veteran standing and has played the game from beginning to end. The jury may award her the money based on her strong game play.
Why she might not win: She is a very annoying person and has made a lot of enemies in the house. Can you imagine Danielle voting for her after all their squabbles? There were many times when Rachel acted like a bully and I don’t like when that kind of behaviour is rewarded.
Porsche
Why she could win: Porsche was pretty quiet in the beginning she was known as the housemate who always hosted the Veto competitions and had big boobs. But when she started to played she played and won a few competitions.
Why she might not win: Too little too late from her. Yes, maybe she would have the Kalia/ Danielle vote but besides that she was pretty quiet.
Adam:
Why he could win: Porsche and Rachel could paint their toenails with polish that could be toxic thus knocking them unconscious and unable to make it to the finale. By default the jury would have to vote for Adam.
Why he WON’T win: I don’t know because he didn’t do ANYTHING. Watching him choose a side is like watching my mom choose between painting a room, “egg shell” white or “winter snow” white. The room has still not been painted.
SHOW STARTS
JULIE!
Girlfriend, you look fabulous. This colour is like the last time you impressed me. Like a beautiful merlot. It is also makes her look really slim. I want one of them. So glad Julie is leaving this season on a fashion high note.
Recap! Recaps! Recaps! Man how far are they going back? Ok, I am pretty sure if you are watching the show’s finale you should know what is going on. Next the narrator will say, “God created the heavens and the earth… then they created this show.”
Who stood the mixing bowl? HOH Competition #1
We start the show back were we left off almost a week ago. It’s been almost a week of new BB?
So the housemates are still spinning, still being splattered with paint and still be drenched with that questionable butter. Within a few minutes Adam is already complaining he is in plan. No surprise.
Within a half hour Adam is out of the competition. Time goes on and Porsche starts to feel sick and thinks she might blow chunks. Rachel states that she can do this all night long. And with Rachel’s track record we know she means business so Porsche dives into the water.
Rachel wins round 1!
Water goggles, who needs that? – HOH Round 2
Adam and Porsche must face off for their final chance to be HOH. Outside there is a glass water tank, similar to what many magicians use to escape from. Inside the tank are images of the season’s HOH’s. On one side of the tank is a there is a maze where the housemates have to guide the photo into the correct slot while being underwater. The housemates will complete at two different times and who ever completes it in the shortest amount wins. If you are claustrophobic or afraid of water you would be screwed right now.
Porsche is first and seems pretty quick by doing two puzzles at a time. However Porsche ends up taking quite a few breathes in the process.
Next Adam begins and finds the goggles are not helping so he throws the goggles away. Which after Lawon’s epic mistake this season is the second dumbest thing ever done on this show. Imagine a soldier in the middle of combat thinking, “Man this bulletproof vest is so heavy and causing me to slow down. Let me just throw it away.” After realizing that not having the goggles is worse than wearing the goggles Adam has to climb out of the tank run onto the lawn and retrieve his goggles and start again.
Times are revealed and Adam completed the puzzle in 6 minutes while Porsche completes it is 3 minutes. Porsche moves on. Oh Adam. You certainly finished this season on a high note.
Losers’ club room for two more
We are now transported back to the jury house where they wait for their two new members. First Kalia enters then when Jordan enters Brendon is very excited to know his bookey is still in the game. The jury discuss the last three houseguests and why they should or shouldn’t win. The pro and con points are very similar to what I discussed above but some funny moments came out of this discussion.
Brendon describes that yes, sometime Rachel is like a “rhinoceros in a china shop.” I think you may have got that expression wrong. Then Kalia says she will defend herself until the cows come home that she was playing her own. Then Jeff screams “COWS COME HOME!” Oh Big Jeff, I will miss you the most.
Fill in the blank – Final HOH Competition
This competition is a trivia game where Rachel and Porsche have to guess how the jurors finished a sentence. Julie gives out two answers; the real answer and then a fake one. They have done this as the final competition for many seasons now. I don’t think there is a lot of skill to this game because the fake answer usually isn’t too off from the real answer. If I was a juror I would make an out of character answer just to screw with the final two.
What is Brendon dreading his family to witness this season? His answer is, “being evicted for a second time.” Both girls get it wrong which surprises me because shouldn’t Rachel know her bookey?
What was the most shocking moment for Danielle? She answers, her father leaving the game so early.
Rachel at the last second changes her mind which helps because she gets a point.
The next two questions both the girls get wrong again. I can’t believe how poorly they are doing.
Next questions, what does Kalia think is the biggest lie told in the house. Kalia says it was anything that came out of Shelly’s mouth. (ZING!) Rachel gets the point and Porsche does not.
Julie interrupts the game to say that with only one question left there is no need to go on. Rachel wins the Final HOH!
Adam gots a case of cabin fever
Adam and Porsche pled their case to be in the final two. Porsche’s was very short and sincere. Adam speech is very aggressive and reminds Rachel, “Rachel you once said floaters grab a life vest not floaters grab a pay cheque.” It’s uncomfortable seeing him act like this. Even Julie says, “Whoa!”
When Rachel makes her decision she makes a long speech about herself. GET TO THE POINT RACHEL. And finally she says since she relied on Porsche so much in the end she is going to stick with Porsche.
Adam, the most useless player in BB history is finally out of the house.
Adam must have a huge case of cabin fever because he acted pretty kooky leaving the show. He keeps high fiving people and gives Julie this really intense hug. Then she makes her, ‘Someone call security’ face.
She opens the interview with, “You weren’t the best at competitions.” Way to lay it out there Julie. Next Adam says something that proves he is either delusional or has a really funny sense of humour. He says if he were to be in final two with Rachel he would have won. WUCK? What the what? He has to be kidding. He thinks they would have voted for him because he was always honest. At the end of the interview he sneaks in wanting tickets to see Ozzy because he knows Sharon Osbourne is on Julie’s other show, The Talk.
Big Brother Debates 2011
The jury comes in and they are excited to see that Adam was evicted. Adam is still acting pretty weird.
Now the jurors get to ask questions to the final two. And Julie mentions these questions were agreed by the jurors. Or in other words, preapproved by the producers.
I can’t really rehash this because it was very repetitive. Rachel repeatedly says she won competitions and had to always fight to stay in the house. Porsche kept reminding the jurors she had a golden key that prevented her from playing the game early on but she played when it mattered.
These two girls sounded like politicians during debates using their key messages and deflecting questions to say what they want. “That’s a great question about the environment but I think we should focus on job security.”
Again, with the speeches
It’s time for the two girls to give one final speech to sway the votes. Rachel tells the story again of being a target, always having to save herself by winning competitions and sticking with her alliance. Also she had to walk up hill both ways every day in the middle of winter. Kidding. I think she got some good points across to show she played the game from the beginning.
Porsche speech is so not memorable that I didn’t even bother making notes on it.
Fill that key hole – Voting Time
Now the jury makes there decision, one at time they each put in their key and say a few words. Danielle is second to go and says, “Rachel you are lucky this isn`t a personality contest.” Next it was Jeff who says, “I have nothing cute to say.” Yes, you do. You just said it that was cute. The other jury members just wish the two girls luck and that they look great. Adam is the last to vote and states that if he didn’t throw away his goggles and or smoked so much he would be in the final two. Also he states he would be amazing during an all-star season. You know Big Brother producers, I dare you to cast Adam again.
Return of the houseguests – but please don’t talk
All the houseguests return. First Julie focuses her attention on Evel Dick. He says he thought Danielle’s decision to break apart the Veterans Alliance was a poor one. Then Julie asks Cassi what has shocked her this season. First off how pretty is that girl? Then somehow the conversation came back to Shelly and her betraying Jeff and Jordan. UGH! I am so sick of hearing about this. Then the conversation goes to Jeff and Danielle and the backdooring plan. Seriously Julie, what about letting the other housemates talk? Like Lawon.
Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner – Rachel Wins!
The votes go like this:
Brendon, Jeff, Shelly and Jordan vote for Rachel
Danielle, Kalia, and Adam vote for Porsche
When Julie announces Shelly voted for Rachel, Rachel begins to cry. I am guessing that Shelly was a swing vote in the jury. And after revealing all the other votes Rachel is the winner.
The two girls leave the house together and for the time I am not annoyed by Brendon and Rachel’s love. It is a very sweet moment when she jumps in his arms. Who thinks that Rachel will spend all this money on her future wedding?
Who is America’s favourite house guest?
Big Jeff wins favourite house guest! Jeff won a lot of money on the show this season. Here’s hoping he takes Jordan out for a nice night. OR he can take me out.
Thanks Couchtime readers for sticking with me this summer. I hope I was informative yet entertaining for you. Thanks to Miss Jill for letting me have this space to practice my writing and my humour. Also a big thanks to my roommate Sarah who took all my joking in stride. But really she never read any of this so she never really knew. (WINK!) She is actually a very nice person and we get along very well for the record. Will I do this next year? That all depends on what is going on in my life.
Enjoy your fall TV season! Keeping reading Couchtime!
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