Well guys, the season is over and we’ve got ourselves a winner. Are you happy? Am I? Click through to find out!
OK, so let’s not waste any time here. The winner of season eleven of American Idol was…
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!
Are you shocked? Are you excited? No, me neither. Yawn. This was both predictable and frustratingly disappointing.
Look, I know some of you liked Phillip and thought he deserved to win. And I think he’s, you know, fine. He might put out a few good songs and I’m sure if I saw him in a bar I’d enjoy it. But I don’t find him exciting or interesting or particularly different from anyone else we’ve seen win or compete on American Idol in the past few seasons. And Jessica, I think she’s a rare talent. So yeah, I’m disappointed.
But I still have to admit it, that stupid Idol single he has is actually good. And I was touched when he started crying. I’M NOT MADE OF STONE, OK???
Well, that’s that. I’m tempted to say I won’t be back next season, but we all know how I’m full of empty promises. Now, let’s talk about the best and worst of the rest of the show.
Highlights:
- Phillip singing with John Fogarty wasn’t the best Idol finale duet I’ve ever seen, but it certainly suited Phillip’s vibe and was fun to watch.
- I missed most of the guys’ group performance thanks to a DVR glitch, but I thought the girls did well…until Chaka Khan showed up, she wasn’t great right? She kind of just wailed along.
- I loved that Skylar got to sing with Reba, and the performance was dynamite. Plus, they kind of look alike. Long lost mother and daughter?
- STEVEN TYLER HAS A SLOTH!!!! Kristen Bell would LOSE IT.
- Singing the phone book was pretty funny, especially the part when everyone stopped and looked at Joshua. I hope Randy is now able to retire that phrase. (Also, it revealed that some of the people in that choir really can’t sing the phone book.)
- I’m a fan of Jordin Sparks and was excited to see her perform, and Hollie held her own in the duet. Girlfriend came a long way since the season began.
- I rag on the Bee Gees medley in the lowlights section, but the part Joshua sang nearly moved me to tears. Beautiful.
- “And I’m Telling You”. HOLY crap. That was amazing. Did anyone else think this was Jessica’s most passionate performance yet? She totally held her own next to an absolute legend, and you could tell being there on stage with Jennifer Holliday inspired her. Astonishingly good.
Lowlights:
- I wasn’t a fan of Joshua and Fantasia’s performance, even though it was sweet that it was such a dream come true for Joshua. There was just So. Much. Screaming. And louder than the screaming? Fantasia’s outfit! What was that? Thigh cutouts? Really? Though I guess when you wear this on the red carpet, all bets are off for stage wear. And Chaka wasn’t wearing anything much better. In fact, hers was bordering on vulgar. My mom actually called to ask if there’d been a sale on cheap catsuits.
- OK, more fashion issues. WTF did they put Skylar in for her duet with Reba? That was such a big moment for her and they ruined it with that awful outfit! All she had to say was “But I don’t wanna wear the puffy shirt!”
- I said “Who the hell is that?” more than once during group numbers.
- Colton Dixon deserved to stick around longer.
- Heejun did not deserve to be around at all.
- Neil Diamond now speaks in a melodic tone rather than singing. Or did he always? I don’t know.
- Oh puh-lease. Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo? She totally knew she was getting dragged up on stage for a public proposal. How uncomfortable. (Was the elimination music really necessary?)
- Having the top twelve guys sing the Bee Gees medley was a mistake, because many of them are terrible. It should have just been the top ten contestants. I did not need to near DeAndre sing anything else after the phone book gag.
- Phillip kind of ruined that final song, didn’t he? Or the song choice did. Chicken and egg here, people.
- I’d read online earlier today that Barbra Streisand was going to sing “Enough Is Enough” by Donna Summers with Jessica Sanchez, and I wanted to see that happen. Did I miss it? Was it after one of the all boys medleys put me to sleep?
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