America’s Got Talent: Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues…

Apparently I was wrong, and Wednesday night’s episode was the last night of auditions on America’s Got Talent. I could have sworn that Nick Cannon said that on Tuesday night, but I won’t question him.

The first decent act of the evening came with The Bellydancing Duo. They were pretty good (and very sexy) but need a more interesting name. The Bellydancing Duo? For reals? Is that the best they could come up with? It’s possibly the whitest name they could have found.

I loved the little chick who plaed “hip-hop violin”. Why was I not taught THAT in junior high? I was wasting my time on scales when I could have been learning something cool! Had I learned hip-hop violin, maybe I wouldn’t have quit after high school.

Things got ugly when a clown dressed like Elvis (or an Elvis impersonator dressed like a clown?) came out and started insulting the judges. I can understand the temptation to mess with Piers or Howie, but Sharon Osbourne is not a woman I would want to piss off. Plus, people in glass houses should not throw stones – his act was terrible.

The award for most original act went to The Tap Dancing Sarah Palins. I didn’t understand why they got booed – doesn’t everyone love making fun of Sarah Palin? The bear poo was a bit odd, though.

I couldn’t believe Pier X-ed the 74-year-old tap dancer so quickly. I kind of dug him! I like red, he could actually dance, and at 74 YEARS OLD the man did the SPLITS!!! Luckily, Piers kind of regretted buzzing after he saw the splits and took back his X.

Have you ever met a Filipino person named Luigi? I haven’t, but I do know one named Leonardo. Are Italian names popular in the Philippines? Why is that? Anyway, I’m getting off topic. The point is, Luigi was amazing. First of all, he covered Maroon 5 – a highly underrated band in my opinion. And he had a cool Jason Mraz-y vibe going on that I pretty much always dig. I think he needs a bigger guitar, though. The one he was using reminded me of one I had when I was seven. I think it came from Toys ‘R Us.

Continuing the episode’s trend of geriatric talent, I was pretty impressed with the 73-year-old street performer. First of all, I think it’s amazing that a 73-year-old man is performing on the street. Second of all, his act took something like three hours to set up. Third of all, it was really bizarre. He wasn’t good, exactly. But he was weird, and it worked. He squeaked through to Vegas, and with that the audition rounds of America’s Got Talent were wrapped up. For realsies this time.