Did you know that there are only three ways to label women models? Well, according to America’s Next Top Model, there are. You’re either a bombshell, the girl next door, or edgy. But wait, what’s what? There’s a fourth archetype created just for Molly? What is it? Oh yeah. Crybaby.

Tyra surprised the girls at their house to give them the most useless lesson ever – how to deal with fame – and Molly did the worst thing possible. She cried over her weave. Because she was hungry. Why not just wear a sign around your neck that says “I will fail in the modeling industry”? Come on!

Honestly, how ridiculous was it to watch a bunch of nobodies say “It’s important to have boundaries with your fans” when you know they’ll never be wildly famous. Come on. You want to do a real lesson, Tyra? Go back through all the girls who’ve been on ANTM before and pick out the ones who are actual working models. Not the ones who post pictures on their Facebook fan pages that only their friends and families have “liked” while they work nights at the local Applebees. Then tell the girls what percentage of the ANTM alums actually book jobs, and inform them that those are their odds. That’s a better lesson than autographs, because no one cares if you sign your Employment Insurance cheque with a heart.

Fan Male

For the challenge, the girls had to interact with “fans”. Monique grew tired of communicating with the masses after about 3 minutes, and then she told a somewhat creepy guy that she wouldn’t kiss him, but Alexandria would. Man, I don’t like Alexandria either, but that was unnecessary. Alexandria isn’t the only B in the house – Molly and Monique are giving her a run for her money. Looks like we’ve found a fifth type of model – rude!

I thought Kasia was the clear winner of the challenge, and win she did. She chose Jaclyn and Brittani – two girls who seem lovely, if you ask me – to share the reward with her, a dinner with Miss J. The other girls got to clean up the mess from the event. Cue Monique’s sourpuss face! Oh, and cue her completely arrogant and disrespectful way of barely helping the girls finish the work while moaning and whining the entire time.

Even though Moody Molly growled that it would probably be, like, the worst dinner in the history of the world, the girls and Miss J seemed to have a good time. When they returned home Hannah and Mikaela asked lots of friendly and interesting questions like, you know, normal people, while Monique mumbled about hating buffets. Which, for the record, was not the kind of dinner the girls had been at.

Wanna Get Dirrty

The photoshoot was fun this week – the girls were split into two groups, blond and brunettes. They’d be scantily clad and covered in mud, but it was NOT sexy, you guys. It was high fashion. Get your minds out of the gutter.

I thought Hannah really stood out in the blonds’ shoot, but that could be because I looooove her. But I also dig Kasia, and I was hoping she’d stand out more. It seemed like she found her groove later in the shoot, though, while Alexandria was busy pissing off Mr. Jay by once again directing the shoot rather than modeling in it.

The brunettes struggled. Brittani once again stood out and pushed her way even more into the frontrunner position. I mean, when the photographer just has to stop and take a solo shot of a model during a group shoot, you know she’s doing something right. I really like Mikaela and Jaclyn too, though, so I was hoping they’d look good in the photo as well.

It was hard to tell if anyone in particular had done badly. I know who I dislike personally – Molly, Alexandria and Monique. But they’re not bad models.

Return of the Jumpsuit

It’s ba-aaack. Remember that wackadoodle season where Tyra wore nothing but jumpsuits? Well, I guess she found one in the back of her closet that she hadn’t had a chance to wear. Or maybe it just hadn’t made the cut at the time, since it was decidedly less obnoxious than the other jumpsuits.

The Brunettes
Brittani really stood out in this shot, and the second person I noticed was (yay!) Mikaela. But everyone looked good. The judges thought Mikaela was the weakest link, but I thought it was Monique. But the star, definitely, was Brittani.

The Blonds
I loved this photo, and I especially liked Hannah in it. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Love her. Unfortunately Molly looked great, even though I do not think she is pretty in person, at all. And her personality is all kinds of fugly. Kasia looked smokin’, too – that mouth! She’s sexy. I hated Alexandria’s look, which of course made me happy.

Who deserved best photo? I was torn between Brittani and Hannah. Overall, I thought most of the girls looked fantastic. What do you guys think? Is this one of the better Cycles we’ve seen in a while, almost all the girls are either really stunning or really good models.

First photo went to Brittani, which I had predicted. The judges love this girl, and I’ll be surprised if she’s not at least in the final two. Next came Kasia, Molly, Jaclyn, Hannah (finally!) and Alexandria. Not in the final two despite her on set directing and ugly, ugly outfit at panel? A surprise.

I’m sad that the judges don’t like Mikaela as much as I do. I just think she’s so striking, even though her photos are just OK. Monique’s photos are just as blah, but she does not have as memorable a face. But they kept my girl Mikaela for another week! Whee! Suck it, Monique! That’s what you get for being a stuck up sourpuss.

Next week it looks like Brittani will have a bit of a meltdown. Will it hurt her chances? What did you think of this episode? Do you have any clear favorites yet?

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