An Ode to A Co-Blogger on Her Birthday

Ally: I’ve tried starting this post several times, and each time I’ve confirmed that it’s not going to be easy to write about how much I love and adore my friend and co-blogger, L-A. We met years ago, when we were both exotic dancers at Ralph’s Place. I joke, that was just her. It is true that we have been in each others lives for years now and our bond was solidified when we started this little blog.

L-A and I don’t get to hang out as much as I’d like in real life. I don’t get to hang out with many people as much as I’d like in real life. Despite the lack of shared boxed wine and candlelight dinners, she’s still one of the most important people in my life. She is always there to encourage me, make me laugh (because seriously? The girl makes me laugh more than Tina Fey’s Bossypants, and that’s saying something), find  me high-quality “stripper songs”on a Wednesday when I’m down  and convince me that my leggings should always be paired with pants outside my home office. We’ve decided to agree to disagree on me continuing to wear leggings as pants in the privacy of my own home.

L-A is one of the best writers I know. The blog exists purely because of her and her mad skillz. She’s just bringing me along for the ride, and I’m so happy to be her sidekick. So today, I wish her a fantastic birthday with hopes that she will end the day scooting around her apartment in an empty box of wine while blaring hipster dance music that I am not smart enough to understand.

To celebrate, I’ve asked some of our sexy unpaid Interns and Guest Bloggers to share with me their wish and virtual gifts for L-A on her B-day, so that I can in turn share it with the Internets.

First up, our lovely Anthony. A man who’s wit is only matched by his bionic chiseled abs. Or so he tells me.

Being that L-A and I are self-professed type nerds, I think buying her a custom font for her b-day would knock the socks of her sock monkeys; thereby leaving mounds of stuffing around her house. Since Vancouver is also full of many (MANY) fantastic designers, I could even stay local and get a font made by local shop, Working Format. Seriously, these guys are tight. But, since I won’t be having anything bespoke for L-A until my media baronage is totally secure, I’d totes give her the Charlie font from Working Format. Happy Birthday, L-A! Serifs for days!

Right. I mean, I’m sure that’s nice and all…but if bitch gets me a “font” for my birthday, even in virtual pretend gift land I’ll be royally pissed the fuck off. Sadly, I know L-A will love this.

Next up is Official Intern Krista, who apparently has been the victim of Kardashian one-liner theft. It’s true. The other day I renamed my cold a “Kardashian Kold” only to learn that she had coined the phrased a week earlier on The Twitter. Mortificationville!

L-A’s love of nautical fashion is well-documented. To reward those efforts, and encourage them further, I’m giving her a magnificent boat for her birthday. I think you’ll find this one should do:

 

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Since any ol’ billionaire can buy a boat, I’m also going to hire The Lonely Island and T-Pain to ride around with her and play “I’m On A Boat” on demand, spending their non-singing time as bartenders and doing light housework

Editors Note: Krista was kind enough to add, “Beat that, everyone else. I guess I just like her more than you do.”

And now we have Jill, who put together a lovely little collage!

 

Happy Birthday, L-A! You are one funny and fashionable lady, so I hope your day is filled with cocktails, glitter ponies and, of course, the incredibly swoon-worthy combination of Adam Scott and Paul Rudd on Parks and Recreation. Now, if I had unlimited funds available (still waiting for that blogging windfall to happen) this is what you’d be getting from me today:

• Ampersand cushion from Etsy
• “Pride of the Sea” dress from Modcloth
• Vintage Set Sail scarf from Modcloth
• $250 Krug Grande Cuvee Champagne (I have no idea if it’s good, but it’s the most expensive one at the NSLC!)
• A Ron F***ing Swanson Fridge magnet and the Lil Sebastian plush toy from the NBC store

That’s some thoughtful shit right there.

Last up from our Guest Bloggers is Mel.

I wish to gift this video to L-A:

And also, some glitter ponies. But mostly that video.

Wow. I guess it’s my turn. Huh. Ok, let’s give it my best shot.

Ryan Gosling

If possible, I would deliver Ryan Gosling (armed with coffee) to L-A’s door first thing on her birthday. Hopefully she would have her hair did when answering the door.

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A random vintage video that I feel hipsters like yourself would appreciate (you can play it after Ryan declines your offer to come in and meet your sock monkeys)

The long awaited public viewing of my dance move: Introducing the Ass Drop

I shall do this for you today, L-A. Cause you’re that special.

You owe me.

Editors Note: Engaging in the ass-drop move while also executing the “blue steel” all up in your face is an exercise in exhaustion.

And lastly, your birthday would not be a birthday if I didn’t find a song crappy enough to celebrate your special day.

Crappy Pop Video for L-A’s Birthday

The lyrics are a gift in itself.

Happy Birthday, lady. We all love you so much.