Chicken head

Hmm.  Today I woke up a little early.  A little stressed out.  I can’t say there is anything in particular making me feel this way.  There’s just a lot going on theses days.  A lot to juggle.  But then, there’s always a lot going on.  For everyone, not just for me.  When life gets like this – you know, so full that my personal hygiene suffers to the point that I can hear the faint staccato of my unpruned toenails on the floor – I always get a bit reflective…

I spend a lot of my time trying to fill up my time.  And ironically, I’m not sure that’s an effective use of my time.  I’m just not sure that it’s the goal.  Of living.  Sure, I’m mostly busy because I have to work to make money.  A girl needs to eat.  And being a freelancer means that work comes in bits and pieces.  It’s always hectic.  But I also find that having idle time makes me uncomfortable.  If I have a few empty minutes in the day I want to fill them: emailing, making phone calls, attending classes, even writing this blog post.  I don’t like having nothing to do.  It makes me nervous.  If I’m not running around like a headless chicken, or “chicken head” as my friend Sandy calls it, then I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  I feel lazy.  Unmotivated.  Uninteresting.

This is not an advice blog, so I’m not going to give it, but I would be happy to receive some.  Why do I view “being busy” as a positive thing?  A necessary thing?  And how do I stop the roller coaster?  Especially when it seems like the whole world (or at least my part of it) is always in a high gear?  When most conversations inevitably include:

Whatcha doing?

Keeping busy?

How’s your day look?

What’s on for tomorrow?

But the more chicken-heading I do, the less I want to do.  And I’m getting a bit tired of running around.  Always pushing, always striving, always distracted.  I’d like some lazy time please.  Especially some lazy time with people that I love.

I heard a quote recently about one of the richest men in the U.S., Warren Buffett, that went something like, He always has time for you, no matter how busy he is.

I really like that.

Wouldn’t it be great to be known as someone who always has time for people?  What a rare quality.

I’ve been trying, but it ain’t easy.  Especially when I find it hard to slow down.  Especially when even as I type this post I’m thinking about the music I should be practicing for an upcoming concert, and an email I need to send for a course I want to take.  How does Warren, who runs a million companies, do it?  Surely sometimes there just isn’t the time.

I have a theory.  It’s not earth-shattering or anything, so feel free to remain standing, but here it goes:

What I reckon is that even though there must be times when time is short, if Warren is with someone, he gives them ALL of his attention in that moment.

That’s it.

“Hey, I may only have 10 minutes, but those minutes are for YOU.”

It feels strange to realise this at 33, but I think that I really need to try to give more of my attention to what and especially WHO is in front of me.  Rather than wasting it on the millions of other things that are bumping around in my head.  If I decide to give some of my time to someone or something, then that someone or something gets ALL of that time.

You know, I spend so much energy running around and “filling my time” that life feels like a gigantic kaleidoscope.  A kaleidoscope that jumps between fast forward and rewind so fast that I can never get a full and clear picture of what’s in front of me.  I can see the bits, the colours, the motion, but I can’t focus.  I can’t get a handle on the whole.  It just never slows down.  It never stops.

Like a manic Tilt-a-Whirl.

I’d like to live more in the moment.  Enjoying the moment.  Appreciating the moment.  Breathing in the moment.  Slowly.  Deeply.

More human.  More connected.  Less chicken head.

Episode 039: Appealing Bones

Reading Royalty – Royal Visit 2010