9:05 am - Tuesday, January 28 2020

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Cuddlers.

Cuddler are what we call couples who sit on the same side of a booth leaving the other side empty. These hyper affectionate duos snuggle and kiss and will order while they have their arms wrapped around each other, expecting the server to not feel any awkwardness.

Cuddlers are often like icebergs; you can see 10 percent of the action in broad daylight, but the real trouble is in that dark shady area below the surface. Only god and the cuddler knows whats going on down there in that deep abyss.

However there was a young couple I served once who did not hide their affection very well. As the guy was leaning over, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, she was firmly massaging his…package. Needless to say I quickly presented them with a bill, and asked them to pay immediately. Without asking them to leave thereafter, I simply gave them the icy cold stare of a pissed off bartender until they took their porn show elsewhere.

The biggest problem with the two headed monster is that it is socially awkward. Public display of affection is fine, but not if you are knowingly subjecting an innocent bystander to your show of love and intimacy.

In this case, the humble server.

Certainly there are some servers who have less difficulty with it then others, but a great number of people I work with really do not enjoy serving a table as they hug, smooch, rub, and touch.

The point of all this is; unless you have just returned from war and you and your wife decided to grab a bite before heading home, or you live with your parents and can’t afford a hotel room; just relax for an hour, sit on different sides, and get nasty after you get home.

You can still hold hands and stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. Then everybody is happy and comfortable, and you’ll be well on your way to a nice dining experience with a friendly server who does not seem to avoid approaching you.

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