Now that I am catching up on the e-lives of other mothers around the interweb, I am finding that many women who had babies within a year of Cameron’s birth are suddenly pregnant again. Some are posting weekly pictures of their growing bellies. Others are simply talking about the differences between their two pregnancies. Still others are writing about birth plans.
I am finding it really tough.
Especially right now.
You see, if nothing had happened (and if I had managed to keep my mouth shut for this long), I would probably be announcing my pregnancy just about now. I would be nearing the end of my first trimester and I would be lapping up all the pregnancy glory I could.
But I’m not.
Currently, I’ve resigned myself to think about everything happening as a distant fact. It happened to me. I had the one pregnancy out of five that statistically does not survive. But I am not approaching it emotionally anymore. I am even been able to talk about it without feeling the pain.
Back when everything happened however, I went on thebump.com, a community of women and mothers that I lurked on while I was pregnant with Cameron. I was seeking solace from other people who had gone through a similar thing. I was looking for an anonymous voice. All I wanted to do was to talk about it and yet, the last thing I wanted to do was to talk about it.
On this message board, the topic of public pregnancies was being discussed. Many women who had gone through pregnancy losses felt that it was incredible inconsiderate for people to be sharing their pregnancies with the online world. In their opinions, it was heartless to share pregnancy updates on Facebook statuses, to post weekly pictures of growing bellies on blogs and to have a pregnancy ticker on message board signatures.
Despite my pain, I was taken aback. I blogged while pregnant. I shared the ups and downs of pregnancy over Facebook and Twitter. Had I been insensitive? Had I been inconsiderate? What was my stance on this now that I had experienced loss myself?
The pain does comes back sharply as I read those blogs. Every mother preparing for her second baby is a reminder of my second baby. Every beautiful photo of a full belly reminds me just how empty mine is. I actually refuse to visit a particular blog that posts weekly belly pictures and who is only a few weeks further along than I would have been.
Does this mean that I feel like these women are being inconsiderate? Should my Facebook friends feel bad about mentioning their pregnancies online?
Absolutely positively not.
Every single positive and excited comment that I have shared with my pregnant friends over Facebook has been legitimate. I am honestly thrilled for them. I look forward to seeing updates so I can share in their joy. I will continue to read the blogs of those pregnant women because I love feeling a connection to other Moms.
And if I were pregnant, you can be darned sure that I would be spewing my pregnancy goodness all over the webernet.
But the pain is still real. Words and stories online can sometimes be a brutal reminder of what I have lost.
What is your opinion on e-sharing pregnancies?
