I remember Cameron’s face scrunching up a few minutes after I ate a spiced cookie during our 3D ultrasound with him. I remember how he used to dance in time to the music each week when we went to listen to our friend play music at the local pub.
I remember how active he was, so active that he’d make me feel nauseous. I remember him jumping at loud noises when we went to the movies.
These memories are all from those nine months that he spent inside of me, before I even got the chance to kiss his little face for the first time.
Now my biggest boy is picky with the food he eats. He loves music and dancing and has always wanted to bust a move when a good beat is playing. He runs non-stop. I can’t make him slow down, sometimes not even at bedtime.
I remember how Gavin moved less, quieter in comparison to my first pregnancy. He was born 12 days after his due date and refused to drop even when I was in labour, without a whole lot of convincing.
My (current) littlest boy has been snuggly from the moment he finally emerged from my womb. He’s quieter than his brother, and calmer, still. He is always eager for a hug or a cuddle. Gavin is sensitive and reacts better to quieter voices. And he’s incredibly stubborn. So stubborn that he breaks out his loud voice for those times when things don’t go his way.
I hold onto these memories, these introductions to the boys whom I have the pleasure of spending these years with. I couldn’t know that the baby who moved to the music would love to dance or that he’d be a little boy named Cameron with puffy hair and big green eyes and a determination that stems from just enough competitiveness. I couldn’t know that the baby I would count kicks with was just a little quieter than I was used to. That this little one who didn’t want to leave his Mama would be a little boy named Gavin with straight hair and big brown eyes who just wants to stay close and who has a wicked sense of humour.
But now I know.
I know that I was privy to these little tidbits of their personalities, even when they were still in my womb so that when they were born, I already knew them. I can talk about my pregnancy experience with each child, but only I get to experience these babies in ways no one else can. I have the opportunity to watch and see how their little prenatal quirks will develop into the people they are today and in the future.
This baby inside me now doesn’t have a name. We don’t know the baby’s sex. But I do know that this baby moves and jumps to the sound of the brothers. This baby starts to wiggle when I’m riding on the bus and goes crazy when I eat something sweet. This baby quiets down at night. This baby is less active than Cameron was, but perhaps a little more active than Gavin. These are the little things, things only I feel, that introduce me to this baby a little more. I don’t know what they mean or what they’ll become. I don’t know whether this baby is a boy or a girl and I don’t know what name we’ll know this baby by. I don’t know what this baby’s hair will look like or what colour this baby’s eyes will be or whether this baby will be competitive or stubborn or snuggly or a dancer or laugh out loud funny.
What I do know is that someday I’ll look back on this pregnancy and realize that I am getting to know this child even now. I will watch a completely unique personality forming and I’ll remember little clues from this pregnancy that point to who this child is.
I feel privileged to experience these early introductions to my children through pregnancy, but I also look for opportunities to help my family get to know this new little part of our family growing inside of me. Telling my family what the baby is doing and letting them feel the kicks and watch the movements is a key part in that. I am so grateful that UC Baby Halifax gave us yet another opportunity to get to know this beautiful little baby as a family. We went back for a second visit in November to see how the baby has grown. I wrote about our first visit here. The Halifax location of UC Baby very kindly offered me these ultrasound sessions complementary so I could write about the experience. Check out their Christmas deals if you’re looking to get a 3D ultrasound this month.