Anthony: Alright, am I the only one that’s confused (and angered) by high fashion labels releasing lines for chain stores like Target or H&M? I should say my emphasis is on the confused side of things, considering what seems to pass for couture, but I’m mostly just annoyed. Or maybe I’m projecting my neuroses for order and tradition. Either way, no one should have to suffer a baby pink suit.

How is this real life?

I say neuroses because I think, if you’re going to be a luxury brand that has decades of tradition and clout behind your name, you probably want to stay away from retailers like Target, K-Mart, WalMart, H&M, and so on and so forth. Not that there’s anything wrong with those shops because, let’s face it, we ALL shop there for one thing or another; daddy’s not high rollin’ just yet, y’all. My thought of brand integrity aside, the other thing about these affordable luxury brands that drives me crazy is… how they look.

The Hell’s Angels chapter that inspired this jackets are just FABULOUS.

For reals, Versace?

This is a decision you make after watching the same episode of ‘Maria la del Barrio’ nine times in a row.

You’re creating a fashion line for men and women to be worn around the world and THIS nightmarish tropical wonderland is what you come up with? What 1970s South Beach hotel inspired this clearly cocaine-fueled design?

 “We’ll have flowers, and palm trees, and water and something else or yeah gold chains, we can’t forget about the gold chains, you’re nothing without gold chains these days and BELTS, but especially belts with big flowers and did I mention colour because we’ll have lots of colour to accentuate the FLOWERS”

I’m sorry, I just can’t handle it. But to be fair, once I saw the pink suit, I knew I wouldn’t enjoy the collection. Considering all the accessible luxury lines, I think Lagerfeld is the only one who got it right; with “it” being a well crafted extension of the Chanel brand.

You magnificent French bastard.

It’s simple, it’s elegant, it doesn’t scream, “IF YOU BUY ME IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SHOPPING ON RODEO”, and most of all, it makes you want more. This Versace nightmare makes me thank Moses for their limited edition. One thing the Chanel for Macy’s collection is missing is Lagerfeld’s fan. Do you know how many bartenders I would piss off by waving and snapping that thing around? Mmhmmm.

To be completely honest, my feud with Versace has been many years in the making, but with the release of this H&M travesty, something just snapped in me. Stop telling me that fashion is an orange dress with leopard print, a beach scene and an ornate gold frame, wrapped as tightly as possible around a woman’s ass. In what way would that, or pink leggings with huge tropical flowers be flattering? They’re not. Don’t even try to answer me with logic because they’re not. It’s all like a conversation with your boyfriend’s ex: forced and uncomfortable.