It Happens Without Me

Kids hurt themselves.

I’m not completely naive as to believe that this doesn’t happen. Children are learning to navigate and understand this world. Everything is new. Each movement, each discovery, each taste is something to add to their repertoire of experiences. They try, they test, and they do things that are completely foreign and exciting to them.

In doing so, they tend to get hurt. Their little legs might give out. Their balance might falter. As adventurous as they are, they haven’t grasped the consequences of certain actions. So accidents happen.

This is normal. I get it.

Cameron has hurt himself plenty of times in my care. So when he comes home from daycare with a bump or a bruise, I do not blame the daycare provider or worry that my child is in a dangerous situation.

I get it.

Kids hurt themselves.

It happens.

Earlier this week, I came home to a story of how my poor little boy’s fingers had been rolled over by another kid on a riding toy that day at daycare. It happens. I said to myself. Kids hurt themselves. But my heart still broke a little.

That same evening, as I was changing Cameron’s diaper, I noticed what looked to be a bruise or a burn underneath my son’s chin. It had obviously happened at daycare. It’s okay. I said to myself. He’s not upset now. Kids hurt themselves. It happens.


But, oh my poor baby!

As I laid my son down in his crib that night and listened to his whines turn into a peaceful slumber, I wandered to my husband’s side and sighed.

Cam got hurt a lot today.


I know, he said. It happens. Kids hurt themselves.


Yeah. I know. But the problem is – I wasn’t there to snuggle that pain away. I wasn’t there. I should have been there.


Kids hurt themselves. Cameron has hurt himself lots as he has been growing up. But, until daycare started, I have always been there for him. I’ve always hugged him, rubbed his back, shhhhed the cries and wiped the tears.

I’ve fixed the pain.

It is what Moms do.

But now? Cameron goes to daycare. He get’s hurt. It happens.

And I’m not there to fix it.

For now, I will give extra kisses while I’m with him, in hopes that they will linger just long enough to ease the next trial that comes Cam’s way.

But I think that I have to resign myself to the fact that even though I’m his Mommy, I can’t always be there to ease all the pain.

So I’m kissing you from a distance, baby.

Foo.

Photo taken in March

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