It’s safe to say that this series has been great! So many sweet and funny posts touching on the love aspects of marriage. They’ve covered what I thought I’d talk about so I’m going a different route, a ranty route.
I’ve been lucky in marriage. Why? Because I got married young. And you know what weddings are like when you’re in your early 20s? They are a lot of things but definitely not as elaborate as they are now, in my 30s. I was the first of my friends to get married and so I really didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted to get my family and his family together in one place and have a big party. And we did. Did I hire a wedding planner? A what? Exactly.
For years after I got married I worked for my mom at a wedding show. For years I witnessed brides-to-be coming to the show with a girlfriend or their mom, excited to find out about dresses and photographers and honeymoon destinations. I witnessed bridezillas storming around, leaving trail of stunned and bewildered bystanders in their wake. I learned about wedding planners, and all about the details that go into the big day, wondering how I ever got along without the millions of things that brides care about. People spend so much on their weddings it blows my mind.
I want to shake people by the shoulders and tell them to save their money. No one is going to remember what flowers you chose or what earrings you wore. Your wedding may be the start to your marriage, but what really deserves attention (and your time and money and effort), is your relationship. Go for the grocery store flowers (I did!) and spend a bit more on your honeymoon where you have a chance to really connect with your partner.
‘But I do connect with my partner’, you cry. You do. You’re in love. You’re getting married. Guess what? That lusty, honeymoon phase doesn’t last long. Your wedding will soon be a thing you think of every now and then, with pictures you pull out once a year, and a video you never watch. I don’t think it’s possible to live with someone, to deal with bills and chores and the every day things that have to get done, and keep that lusty spark alive. And once you add kids to the mix, all bets are off.
It’s okay to have bad days, to have weeks where you don’t connect with your partner. It’s okay to not live happily ever after every day. And it’s okay to admit it, to seek help.
I’m well out of the honeymoon phase and the lusty spark is a thing of the past, but I can tell you that I’m lucky. Somehow, at the age of 20 I met the perfect person for me. And when we got married at 22 and 23, without really knowing what we were doing or what we were getting in to, we jumped and never looked back. I don’t regret my wedding for one second, grocery store flowers and all, and hardly any day of my marriage is perfect, but I got my fairy tale ending.
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