Earlier this week, there was a lot going on… a lot going on that I wasn’t happy about.
Earlier this week, I was at the end of my rope.
I wanted to blog about it. I almost needed to blog about it. But it isn’t good for me to write when I am in that kind of mood, because the writing becomes all dark and stormy. When I write like that, I leave the impression that my husband is less than perfect, that I am unhappy about being a mother and that I will never be happy again. All of those things are lies. Big old baloney lies. So, I didn’t write.
But, I was loosing it.
You see, I used to be able to rest and replenish my energy in the evenings. Cameron would go to bed around 7 or 8 and the next few hours would usually be baby-free. It is essentially my 15 minutes coffee break that I get in my 24 hour Mommy job.
A couple of weeks ago, Cameron was teething. And when he was teething he wasn’t sleeping. Now, he has his teeth, but he has lost his bedtime.
Cameron has now been going to bed around 11pm (give or take) despite all my efforts.
My break? It is officially gone.
So I was worn out. I was tired and moody and frustrated. And then the non-motherhood parts of life slapped me in the face too. Things kept going wrong. I was angry. I wanted to write about how my son was fussy and awake and how I couldn’t catch a breath to shower or eat. I wanted to say that I needed a break.
But then, on Tuesday night we met up with some friends for the afternoon and evening. We went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and Cameron was perfect. He was so good. People were coming up to us and telling us how happy and good and quiet he is. Cameron’s fabulous demeanor and smiley face made everyone else happier. We left the restaurant later than his (once) bedtime, and he was still as happy as a clam.
Wednesday, we had an appointment at the bank. We sat there for around an hour while Cameron hung out in my arms, staring at the high ceilings and the intricate chandeliers. One bank employee saw him and had to have a snuggle. She told everyone else that there was a lovely baby and they had to come drink in his preciousness themselves.
Everyone told me how good he was.
Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to realize how lucky I am. Having a baby is tough work and my Cam makes it easy. My baby makes it possible to go out for dinner and run errands and meet other people. I may not get a full night of sleep, but I do have a baby who goes to sleep pretty well.
And my goodness: that smile of his is infectious.
I hope that the next time I start feeling overwhelmed, I stop and realize how lucky I am to have such an incredible kid. And then I need to go get a pedicure or something. Give the Momma a break!
