This is the worst night ever.

My baby is crying.  He is clean.  He is fed.  He is safe.  But he is still screaming.

The hardest part of both parenthood and motherhood (don’t know the difference?  There is one, believe me) is this sleep thing.

Not sleeping starts during pregnancy.  It is laughable how much pregnant women are told to get all the sleep they can before the baby comes when we all know the sore back, achy hips, and small bladder make that pretty darn near impossible.  If it were possible?  Be real – sleep isn’t like a savings account.  You can’t store it away for later.

Right from the get-go, I knew I wanted to co-sleep.  It was important to me that my baby stay close and be at arms reach.  I knew that it facilitated breastfeeding and bonding and helped decrease the risk of SIDS.  I had originally planned to keep Cameron in my room for the first three months, but I then I read that it was actually better to keep the baby close for the first six months.

Cameron has always been a pretty good sleeper.  I was never concerned about sleep training because I was sure that eventually Cam would just start sleeping through the night on his own.  He went to bed at a good time, he only woke up to eat, and the time between feedings got longer and longer apart.

But from about four months on, Cameron’s sleep has not been progressing.  He has been going to bed later and later.  He has been waking up often.  He has been needing me in order to fall and stay asleep.

Finally, the reality sunk in.  My son needs to learn how to self soothe and now is the time.

So, here I sit.  I read The Sleep Sense Program and I am implementing those tactics.  It is way too cry it out for me, but I don’t know what else to do.  I want this to work.  I really do.  But. This. Sucks.