Survivor – Ballin’


Brains, Beauty and Brawn at the Reward Challenge

A few things happened in this week’s episode of Survivor, but it looks like this will be nothing compared to what’s in store… if you’ve seen the most recent episode, click through for your recap! And don’t forget to chime in with your own comments below.

Well, this episode was a pretty big display of stupidity and ineptitude, wasn’t it? Luckily, the Brains tribe made what I think was the right decision in the end – but overall, yikes y’all. These people are duuuuuuumb.

Ouch! Oof! Yikes! Eeeeek, that’s gotta hurt.

Two challenges this week! Once again, the Brains tribe thought it would be smart to practice in advance. And once again, it didn’t help at all and they ended up looking like a bunch of dweebs.


Straight Trippin’

The Reward Challenge required one leader to call directions to pairs of blindfolded players, until they had retrieved five objects and a flag from an obstacle course. Those items had to be hoisted up to the leader via a pulley system. Right out of the gate, the Beauty tribe was killing it. You know what else was getting killed? LJ’s groin area. MAN. That guy got hit in “that place”, as Probst so subtly put it, a freakin’ lot. I hope he isn’t planning on having children one day.

Beauty won first place – some hens and a rooster – and it looked like the Brains tribe was in line to take the second place prize of a dozen eggs. It was so easy – all J’Tia had to do was place the flag on a platform, and get it hoisted up to Tasha.

Unfortunately, there’s a problem with that concept. And the problem is named J’Tia. I’m sorry, but this girl sucks at EVERYTHING. She can’t do anything, and when she realizes she can’t do something she freezes. So she sort of clumsily moved the flag around for what felt like an eternity, like Mr. Magoo, never getting it even close to centered on the platform. In the meantime, the Brawn tribe retrieved their flag, placed it on the platform like normal goddamn people, and won the challenge.

The irony, of course, is that J’Tia really wanted to help win some food for her tribe because she’s the moron who poured all the rice in the fire. Oh boy.

The Beauty tribe got to go back to camp and enjoy some chicken, thanks to Jeremiah’s manly skills. I, for one, really regretted making chicken for dinner.* The tribe also debated whether they needed their rooster to make the hens lay eggs. I really thought Jefra would know this. I mean, isn’t she like, a farm girl? Come on! (No, of course I don’t know the answer. I’m an inner-city hipster. Ask me where the closest place to get grain-fed organic chicken is. That I’ll answer.)

*Like, for a hot minute. And then I remembered how freaking good it was. File this under reasons Jill isn’t strong enough to be a vegan.

Badge Schmadge


This man has millions of dollars.

This man is not going to win Survivor.

This man is not worth throwing a challenge over.

Over at the Brawn tribe, the players were talking strategy when they haven’t even gone to Tribal Council yet. I mean, sure, find yourself a solid alliance. But if your tribe is consistently winning Immunity? Do. Not. Mess. With. That. There are *very* few legitimate reasons why anyone should ever throw a challenge, and all of those reasons are named “Hantz”. A washed-up, easygoing NBA player who will never win a million dollars because he already possesses several is NOT one of those reasons. You do not throw a challenge to oust a multimillionaire, you find out how you can sit next to him at the end!

Sarah is panicked because Tony said Cliff wants her out. I hoped Sarah would be smarter than this. I put her at the top of my list for the office pool! (My husband, Rob, got her and he is not happy with that choice anymore.) But she’s eating up all of Tony’s bullshit with a spoon. It’s humiliating? “Swear on your badge?” is like the cop version of pinky swear and it couldn’t mean less to Tony.

Sarah was also a dummy to approach a guy like Woo about throwing a challenge. The guy is a martial arts instructor. They aren’t known for like, their lack of work ethic. I’d say he’s a pretty competitive dude so I was not surprised that he wasn’t on board with throwing a challenge. I can’t believe Sarah thought he would be.

Oh Buoy


A challenge made for Cliff.

When Sarah saw that the challenge was basically basketball, she should have given up on the idea. You do not throw a basketball challenge when the person you want to vote out is a former pro NBA player. Because when people are looking to point fingers, they will blame you and not him.


jtia 2

Can’t deal.

The Immunity Challenge required players to dive down and retrieve buoys, and then toss those buoys into a basket.

Sarah and Trish were both very slow during the challenge, and they later confirmed that it was intentional. But unfortunately for them, the Brains tribe STILL sucked more. Spencer held things together for the group, but man were they awful. The Beauty tribe won by a landslide again.

The challenge came down to a shoot-out between a man who once had his face on a basketball trading card, and a man who is an official “U.S. Chess Expert”. And you know, Spencer wasn’t bad. If J’Tia was able to throw a ball more than 6 inches, maybe he would have won. But J’Tia was so bad at returning balls to Spencer, that Sarah and Trish couldn’t even TRY to suck more. How humiliating.

So, Cliff saved his own butt without even knowing it and Team Brains was doomed to attend another Tribal Council.


I think we all went into the final minutes of the show with our fingers crossed that J’Tia would be voted out. No one wants to see a player like her continue while a player like Spencer is sent home. Under different beginning circumstances, Spencer could have been quite good. I, in particular, did not want to see him eliminated because I have him in my mom’s office pool. So there was that.

At first, Kass and Tasha agreed that keeping Spencer was the right decision. J’Tia is too terrible at literally everything. But they couldn’t let J’Tia know that she was getting voted out, because rice. Who knows what she would do next – step on someone’s glasses?

Later in the day, Tasha began to question herself. Was J’Tia’s loyalty more important than Spencer’s strength in challenges? The answer is no, not when the “loyal” person you’re talking about is an unpredictable maniac who through your only food in the fire. But Tasha was worried that J’Tia would be a more valuable asset if the tribes shuffled.

Even at Tribal Council, Tasha and Kass were still discussing what to do. J’Tia and Spencer both pleaded their cases, and obviously Spencer did a better job at it. We’ve yet to find something that J’Tia is best at. Goodness knows it’s not picking out swimsuits. (Honestly, what has she been wearing?)

In the end, they voted out J’Tia. She understood. She would have done the same thing. And Spencer whispered to Tasha that he’d prove she made the right decision. He also tapped his fingers together and let out an evil cackle, but that part was silently implied.

The tribes are shuffling next week – Brains, Beauty and Brawn are through, and Spencer will definitely jump ship. There’s no way this guy keeps his wagon hitched to Tasha and Kass. It’ll be every brain for itself.

Even though Tasha’s fear is coming to fruition, I think it would have been stupid to keep J’Tia. You can never know when a merge is coming, and you can never know how the new tribes will be divided. If they’d kept J’Tia, she probably would have been voted out by her new tribe. Who would want to keep her? They needed to keep Spencer just in case the Brains tribe was going to stay in tact for a few more weeks.

Personally, I hate when the tribes are shuffled. Everything people on the Beauty and Brawn tribes have worked for is out the window – it doesn’t matter how many challenges you’ve won or how many friends you’ve made, luck of the draw determines what comes next. I’d be happier if the Brain tribe members were just randomly assigned to other tribes, and had to try and find a way to stay in the game.

We’ll see where the chips (or buffs, I guess) fall next week! I’m glad Spencer gets a second shot at actually playing.

Time For Answers! What Is Going To Happen Here? (Old Staples Building) #Sackville

Go West Young Vessels..