Is it just me, or was Wednesday night’s episode of Survivor kind of dull? There was a challenge for individual immunity and team reward, two Tribal Councils and two players were voted out. One was even sort of a surprise. So why so dull? Maybe because we’re six episodes in and I still don’t like anyone enough to root for them to win. Maybe because I still feel like either no one is playing the game, or no one is playing the game nearly as well as they think they are. And maybe because six episodes in, people still end up doing and saying stupid, stupid things. 

I should have been shocked when the young folks on La Flor decided to vote out their own Kelly B. rather than their arch-nemesis, the immunity-idol-holding, crazy-haired Marty. But instead of shocked, I just felt puzzled. Why? Why would they do that? Do they really think they’ll never have another opportunity to vote out Kelly B? Is she really that big of a threat, anyway? The girl has like, two friends. Marty has an immunity idol. It baffled me.

From the opening minutes of the show, it seemed pretty obvious which was Espada’s vote would go. Yve, the only person who didn’t vote for Tyrone last week, was in serious trouble. Her only salvation could have come in Dan quit the game. And this brings us to the second thing that baffles me: How a guy like Dan is still in this game. He’s useless! He was at the bottom of my list of the Survivor pool! He should have been gone weeks ago! It just goes to show what happens when you’ve got a likable personality and a tribe of people who are thinking too far ahead in the game. What with the whining, the boring location (why doesn’t Survivor do water challenges anymore?) and the senseless decisions, this season is starting to feel like Samoa 2.0.

On a sidenote, is there something in the water over at Espada’s camp? THREE people have threatened to quit the game – Holly, NaOnka and Dan. And all of them are still there! They’re keeping these losers! Mind boggling.

Put a ring on it

OK, let’s talk challenges. The tribes competed, one at a time, for individual immunity this week. I actually like this twist, because it creates a new element in the game when things can be a little slow before the merge. And it’s a whole lot better than the alternative, which is a Tribe A vs. Tribe B challenge that still results in both tribes going to Tribal Council. I always hated that. Espada competed first, and unfortunately Holly won immunity. I just do not like that woman. I didn’t like the way she was whining and contemplating quitting two minutes into the game, I didn’t like the way she drowned Dan’s shoes and then fessed up to it, and I don’t like the way she has turned on her original tribe without even thinking about where her place is in the pecking order with the new kids. I don’t like her.

La Flor competed next, and Jill won immunity. This was good for two reasons. First, I wanted her to win because she’s my pick in the Survivor pool and I’ve got my fingers crossed that she makes it to the merge. (Although at this point, my hopes of winning are almost nonexistent.) Second, Jill winning threw a wrench into Brenda’s master plan of splitting the votes at Tribal Council between Marty and Jill. It was a good plan – they’d potentially flush out the idol and eliminate a nemesis – but things are more interesting when plans go awry. Holly and Jill then faced off in a third challenge that Jill won. That meant while Espada had Tribal Council, La Flor would get to watch while feasting on delicious looking kebabs. 

By the way, how did you feel about that challenge? A bit of a dud, right? I mean, it doesn’t rival bocce ball as the Worst Challenge Ever, but it was a bit boring. Picking up a ring with an oar and tossing it into a toilet strapped to your back? It felt like a frosh week activity, not a Survivor challenge. Make these people wrestle, STAT! 

Goodnight, Yve

Back at the Espada camp, the vote should have been easy. Yve is young(er), fit and wanted to play Survivor. Dan is old, weak, can’t walk and had no idea why he was on Survivor. He actually said “Why in the world am I doing this?” Well Dan, I can tell you why. You were out at a bar in Miami having a good time, and some cute girl from CBS casting came up and said “Have you ever thought about being on TV?” and because you foolishly agreed to leave behind your Ferraris and martinis to come play Survivor. That is what happened, and it took a spot away from someone who might have actually given a damn about the game. This is the risk CBS takes when they recruit people for reality TV. 

Still though, I knew Yve was done. Part of it wasn’t her fault – people just didn’t want her around, plain and simple. But she also made a pretty big mistake. She had a strong argument with the whole “Keeping a dude who can’t walk is dragging down the tribe” thing. And there were people who thought that was a fair point. My god, even NaOnka knew that the reasonable thing to do was vote out Dan, and that girl is about as stable as a drunk elephant on a tightrope. But in a moment of foolish desperation, Yve tried to sweeten the deal by telling Alina that they should keep her around because she’s BFF with all the old people who got sent to La Flor. And that, apparently, would benefit everyone. Noooo! Yve! What? Why? You never, ever want to seem super popular on Survivor! It’s not a competition for head cheerleader! People already considered Yve a threat, so her announcement that everyone on the other tribe loves her just strengthened their reason to vote her out. Buh-bye, Yve.

It’s too bad that Espada’s vote came second, because it was boring compared to La Flor’s. Yve was voted out unanimously, and I’m pretty sure she saw it coming. The only interesting thing about their Tribal Council was the fact that NaOnka had to watch her boy Fabio chow down on some kebabs.

Idol in Pocket

Because Jill won individual immunity and Marty had an idol, the rest of La Flor had to choose someone else to send a few votes to. The obvious choice seemed like Jane, but she’s been adopted by the youngins as some sort of wacky aunt from the South. Instead, Brenda (who is looking like the one to beat this season) decided the votes would be split between Marty and Kelly B. Poor Kelly B. I don’t know what she could have done differently this season. It seemed like no matter what, everyone thought she was a threat because she’d get a sympathy vote if she made it to the end. Still though, I thought if Marty failed to play his idol he’d be heading home. 

Oh Marty. So, so arrogant. Marty was so sure he still had Jane under his thumb that he actually whispered “Vote Brenda” to her during tribal council. Dude. Come on. That ship has sailed. When Brenda started to personally attack Marty though, I thought he’d read the signs and play the idol. She obviously doesn’t like him. I would have played it. When the time came and Marty sat tight, I was sure he was through, destined to join James in the League Of Dudes Eliminated With Idols In Their Pockets. But when the votes came in at three for Marty, three for Kelly and two for Brenda, everyone turned around and voted for Kelly B. Now Marty and Brenda are out as enemies, and Marty still has that idol sitting in his pocket. So even though this episode was a let down, things could get real interesting from here.

Would you have played the idol if you were Marty? Did La Flora and Espada vote out the right people? Did you find this episode boring too? Will Marty’s claim to be a grandmaster in chess help him out at all? Will we ever hear Kelly Purple speak? (That girl is getting an even more invisible edit than Brett from Samoa.) Let me know in the comments!