Jimmy Johnson’s been voted out of Survivor, having fallen victim to his own modesty and the egos of others.

Really, that’s what it was. Marty and Jimmy T. felt threatened by Jimmy J. for no other reason than jealousy and ego. It was the wrong move in so many ways. Dan was a weaker team member. Jimmy J. was a good leader. And frankly, it would have benefited Marty to keep him around. Last week Marty said that he was happy to let Jimmy J. act as leader because that’s a position that comes with a huge target, a target that he didn’t want. That was smart. You know what wasn’t smart? Voting him out three days later because it hurts your feelings that everyone thinks he’s cooler than you! Idiots! All of them! 

Honestly, I’m hard pressed to find a person on this season of Survivor who does not make me want to rip my hair out. At least out of the ones who are currently getting screen time. For example, Dan. The man cannot walk. He limps. He’s old. He’s out of shape. Yet, he proclaims to be “average” in terms of physical strength on his tribe. Though he has enough of a shred of self-awareness to admit that he’s not as strong as Tyrone (the strongest person on the tribe) he said “I’m stronger than any of them women, even though some of them are built like mooses.” So not only does he lack self-awareness, he lacks grammar skills as well. Everyone knows the plural of “moose” is “meese”…

Here’s one good thing about Jimmy J. being voted off – perhaps now everyone can put away their lame sports analogies. Seriously, there is no need to behave as though every challenge is the Big Game on Friday Night Lights. This week, the young tribe declined the opportunity to use the Medallion of Power (ugh), so the two tribes went into the challenge even. They had to roll a bunch of barrels into place and then toss beanbags onto them. The older tribe started out with a strong lead as Tyrone was killing the beanbag tossing, but then Benry (who I inexplicably dislike) started catching up as Tyrone hit a cold streak. Jimmy J. pulled Tyrone from “the field” and put in Jimmy T., who’d been whining that his talents were wasting away “on the bench”. It was too late though – after Jimmy T. scored one point and racked up a couple of misses, Benry grabbed the win for the younger tribe.

Back at camp, the totally unexpected happened – Jimmy T. told everyone that he needed to speak his mind! I was really surprised, because up until now Jimmy T. has been such a wallflower. Always in the background, very meek and modest. OK for real, I hate Jimmy T. so much that I might have to stop shopping at Sears because they sponsored the contest that earned him a spot on the show. He told everyone “I’ve always had a high opinion of myself”, and let’s just say that statement was not met with dropped jaws and gasps of surprise from either Jimmy’s own tribemates of the viewers at home. He ragged on Tyrone for a while for not stepping out earlier and I’ll admit even though I like Tyrone, he probably should have given someone else a shot sooner. I just wish that someone else had been ANYONE other than Jimmy T. “It’s not little league where everyone gets to play X amount of innings,” Tyrone told them. Then he channeled James in his defense, telling his tribe “I just wanna win”. He forgot to add the “y’all”. Throwing in a “ONE VOICE” might have helped as well.

OK, let’s talk about NaOnka. This girl is psycho! Why is she so angry? She’s hating on the least threatening people ever! I mean really, could you find a less intimidating person than Fabio? The kid is straight out of a cheesy high school stoner flick, what is there to hate? And then the stuff with Kelly. I don’t think saying things like “I’ll push you so hard that damn leg will fall off” and “You think I’m gonna be nice to you just because you got one leg?” will win you friends? No one wants to give a million bucks to the person who beat up a chick with one leg! The thing about NaOnka is that it’s not even that she HAS to be nice to Kelly because she’s an amputee. She just seems to go out of her way to be cruel. And all her insults somehow involve her prosthetic.

The reward for winning the challenge (along with immunity) was a large basket of fruit and some spices. When carrying the fruit, both Kelly B. and NaOnka spotted a clue. This is awkward, since they’re basically like mortal enemies. But if I didn’t think I could take it and get away with it, I probably would have tried to share the clue with the tribe. Instead, NaOnka and Kelly carried the fruit and the clue all the way back to camp, and then pulled an Amanda/Danielle and fought over trying to grab it. NaOnka knocked Kelly down, squished all the bananas and ran off with the clue. Real smooth. Now everyone thinks she’s a bee-yotch (like there was any doubt before?) and knows she has the clue to the idol? NaOnka, meet your target! It’s going to ride around on your back for a while! Then instead of looking for the idol, NaOnka spent the rest of the day ranting about how she was going to break Kelly’s fake leg to the confessional camera and instructing us on the difference between acting “hood” and acting “ghetto”. How about acting “like someone who didn’t get to bring her meds to the jungle and who will never again be entrusted with the responsibility of teaching kids to climb ropes”? What category does that fall under? 

I hate my person. I got Jill in the Survivor pool, and this week she totally failed me. Telling Marty to announce to the entire tribe that they have an immunity idol? Why? That’s valuable information! It can be used for leverage or to help you blindside someone if things don’t go your way! Now it’s just hanging out there for everyone to see! What if you hear a rumor that you’re getting voted out, are you just going to go grab it and be like “Um, yeah…I’m just going to go…polish this ‘hidden’ immunity idol…don’t mind me.” No! And worse, what if someone else takes it when no one is looking? They could do anything with it! They could wrap it in a love letter and hand it off to the other tribe for all you know! People are very stupid! Argh! 

Instead, the love letter was from Jimmy T. to Marty. After Marty showed the idol to everyone he knew (seriously, why not just bring it to the next challenge and wave it at the competition as well?) Jimmy T. started raving about what a good guy Marty is. I have a few problems with this:

1. Really, Jimmy T., really? Marty showed you an immunity idol, he did not cure AIDS. Say “cool, thanks” and move on.

2. In what way did this benefit Jill? Why did she suggest this? Before, she was one of two people who knew about the hidden immunity idol, giving her a valuable advantage in the game. Now she is just one of many people who know about the idol, and everyone loves Marty for finding it and having the decency to tell them about it. I didn’t hear anyone saying “Wow that Jill, she’s really a great woman. What class! She is super trustworthy and I’m going to keep her around.” Yeah. That’s because no one said that. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Leading up to Tribal Council, I was sure that Dan was going home. Marty was gunning for Jimmy J., and I knew he had Jimmy T. on his side. And Jill, because she’s incredibly lame and said she didn’t care who went home. What, is she subscribing to the Sandra Diaz “Anybody but me” philosophy? I don’t see it working for her. I also knew that Marty had Dan on his side, since Dan was obviously not going to vote for himself. But a lot of people didn’t seem to want to go with Marty, either because they recognized Dan as the weakest player or because they just liked having Jimmy J. around. I thought it would be 5-4 to send home Dan.

In Tribal Council, most of the focus was put on the conflict between Tyrone and Jimmy T. surrounding the challenge and which tribe members could be identified as the weakest. Jeff asked everyone if they thought they were one of the weaker members, and Jimmy J. was the only one who admitted to being one. Admirable, but stupid. The weak members of the tribe were obvious: Dan, Jimmy J., and Jane are weakest. Then there’s Holly and Jimmy T. in the middle. Jill and Yve are the strongest women, Marty and Tyrone are the strongest men. Simple. End of story. But no one wants to point the finger at themselves. 

In the end, the entire tribe voted out Coach Jimmy. I’m kind of peeved that I didn’t get to see how Marty convinced them to do it. I feel bad for Jimmy Johnson, he didn’t deserve to go. Furthermore, he actually wanted to be there. He applied for the show, more than once. Dan showed no fight in Tribal Council, and he was recruited for the show. Did he even want to be there? If I could change one thing about Survivor (besides getting rid of that lame-o Medallion of Power) I’d eliminate casting recruits.

I’m starting to worry about this season – sure, there are some crazy characters. But they’re beginning to outnumber the people who actually know how to play the game. Crazypants people like Jimmy T. and NaOnka have got to go before the merge, or this could get extremely unpleasant. What did you think of the episode? Were you sad to see Jimmy J. go?