You know how they say that telling people you’re not crazy just makes you seem crazier? Well, telling people the large brown stain on your underpants is dirt, not poop, just makes you seem poopier. (Yes, I’m using the word “poopier”. And in the opening paragraph, no less! Watch out, world.)
That’s what Tarzan kept saying last night on Survivor, as he successfully managed to surpass Phillip Sheppard as owner of the Worst Underpants Ever. There’s lots to talk about, so click through for the full Survivor recap!
So the new tribe has dubbed themselves “Tikianio” – why must they insist on trying to come up with a name that sounds authentic but totally isn’t? I wish just once the merged players on Survivor would announce that their new name was the Jets or the Sharks. The closest we ever got to something funny was Murlonio, but only Boston Rob and the viewers were in on that joke. I want these people to fly in the face of tradition!
The big question was whether the tribes would switch back to a battle of the sexes or maintain allegiances with their new tribes. It became pretty clear where Jay stood when he refused to share coffee with Tarzan, who hadn’t won that reward. I think that decision had more to do with Jay hating Tarzan, but it revealed where his loyalties were lying.
So the merged tribe was immediately broken into two random groups for the reward challenge, which required players to go through a very low-t0-the-ground obstacle course and dig up bags of puzzle pieces, then to complete a puzzle. One tribe opted to kick things off the Greek God Jay, while the other tribe put Leif out on the course first. Uh, what? Why? The obstacle course was too low for Leif to simply walk through it, so his short stature gave him no advantage. And I think his arms and legs were too short for him to be charged with the responsibility of being the first person to have to dig a tunnel under the first obstacle, plus a hole big enough for Leif is not a hole big enough for everyone else. It was a mad move, and it set his team way back.
Even though Kat and Michael made up some ground for their team, it wasn’t enough and eventually Troyzan and Christina finished the puzzle for their team. Along with Alicia, Sabrina, Chelsea and Jay, they’d get to enjoy pizza and beer back at camp. Plus, they’d be getting a special secret message.
The message, of course, was that there’s a new Immunity Idol hidden somewhere on the beach. Since Colton exited with his, it was being replaced. There was no clue about the idol’s location, but if there was I think it would go like this:
Just look in a tree/it’s really easy/just wait and see/what you’ll fine will please ye
OK, so that’s not great. Semhar wasn’t available to write one, OK?
Anyway, the next morning Troyzan went to look for the Idol while everyone else was sleeping. And since literally all you have to do is look, he found it. Unbelievable.
Going into the immunity challenge, there was already some drama within the tribe. Jonas had discovered that Tarzan spoke to Michael without him, and he was mad because they don’t completely trust Michael. Tarzan was miffed and FREAKED OUT, declaring that he no longer had any allegiances to the men.
The Immunity Challenge was one we’ve seen before — players had to balance balls on a large disc while perched on a log. Basically, it’s just an opportunity for viewers at home to laugh at everything Probst said because it sounds dirty, and also to make a lot of jokes about how much experience Alicia must have handling balls. Surprising no one, Tarzan was out first. Eventually the competition was whittled down to Leif, Kat and Troyzan. I was pulling for Kat, but she couldn’t compete with Troyzan. At one point, Probst shouted “Troyzan’s balls haven’t moved in a long time!” Hmm, is that because of his hair or his name? Anyway, Troyzan won and got to wear a bad-ass Individual Immunity necklace.
Back at camp, Jay told Chelsea that he’d like Leif or Jonas gone first. Kim was just fine with that plan, since it meant that both her alliances (the original girls, and her new tribe) would stay in tact. But what was Jay thinking? Chelsea had different plans though, thanks in part to the aforementioned dirty underpants.
After scrubbing her clot hes clean in the ocean, Chelsea was boiling them over the fire when Tarzan strolled up and threw his dirty, stinky underwear right on top. The look on Chelsea’s face? Hilarious. But I felt for her – that was disgusting. Tarzan had already had a bit of a run in with Sabrina over the undergarments in question, as he tried to convince her that a large brown stain was dirt, not poop. The poop vs. dirt debate yes, was gross. But what really repelled me was the self-centered, inconsiderate way Tarzan just threw his dirty clothes on top of Chelsea’s clean ones without even asking. And then he was offended when she asked if he could wait for her to finish! The nerve!
Yes, Tarzan is an abrasive fellow and Chelsea wanted him gone. It turns out that Chelsea wants to keep people around who “deserve” to be there. For her, that was Jonas – a guy who knew how to catch and cook food. Kim, however, had targeted Jonas as the most threatening guy from the other tribe though, and she wanted him gone.
At first, I wondered how Kim possibly could have come to the conclusion that Jonas was a power player. But then I realized that no one really is. Think about it — Kim wanted to keep her girl alliance in tact, which was smart. There was no reason to weaken her position in the game by voting out Christina or Alicia if she didn’t have to, and Jay was completely willing to give up a guy. And she didn’t want to vote out either alpha-male, Jay or Mike, because they’re both part of her backup alliance. Troyzan is somewhat part of that, too. She’ll need to decide eventually, but for now her options were Jonas, Leif and Tarzan. And yeah, out of those three Jonas is the biggest threat.
Kim needs to be careful though, because Troyzan isn’t completely loyal to her. He warned Jonas that he was being targeted, so Jonas started to scramble. But in all the wrong ways. First, he offered a halfhearted apology to Tarzan — but Tarzan completely bought it, and was actually moved to tears. Crazy weird. They all decided to Target Kat, because she was the weakest girl. Um…OK? I’d want to target the ringleader or the right-hand gal, but sure. Go ahead and vote for the girl who may not even know she’s on Survivor.
Then at Tribal Council, Jonas immediately announced that he was voting for the guy who’s the biggest threat — Michael. What? Noooo! Jonas! Never try and make a play at Tribal Council. 99% of the time people have their minds made up already and will be too nervous to suddenly switch. On top of that, Jonas revealed that he and Tarzan had been targeting Kat, and Tarzan denied in. For her part, Kat acted as though someone had told her they wouldn’t vote for her to be head of the Prom Committee. She made a face like a wounded puppy and asked what she’d done wrong. Tarzan then announced that he’d be voting Jonas.
Chelsea decided it was time to defend Jonas, and Sabrina did too – after all, he does cook for them and he’s a hell of a lot easier to live with than Tarzan. But Kim still has strategy on her mind, and she said Jonas’s likability is what makes him a threat, while Tarzan’s abrasiveness could make him an asset. It’s true, but I don’t know whether I would have said that outright. In any case, I knew the final vote would reveal just how much power Kim has right now.
And the votes were: Jonas, Michael, Michael, and six more for Jonas. Bye, Jonas. Looks like Kim got her way – but now she’ll have to choose between her alliances before it all falls apart.
What did you guys think of the episode? Can Kim keep this up? Was it dirt or poop? Apparently someone gets blindsided next week, so I can’t wait to find out what happens!