I was feeling rather conflicted about Survivor last night. On the one hand, I usually like when someone shakes up the game and breaks up a dominant alliance. So I should have been rooting for Troyzan last night. But I couldn’t, for a few reasons.

First of all, as some of you know, I have Kim in my mom’s office Survivor pool. So obviously, I didn’t want her voted out. Second, I like Kim so much more. I’m rooting for Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina to make it all the way to the end. I enjoy their personalities and I want to see an all girls alliance make it. Too often these all girls alliances turn on one another before the end of the game, and I’d love to see them stay strong. And third of all, I can’t stand Troyzan.

His behavior last night? Atrocious. I understand he’s competitive, I understand he’s angry, I understand he’s all fired up. But he’s SO OBNOXIOUS. I hate it. Dude! YOU are a HUGE part of why you’re in the position you’re in now! Yes, those girls lied to you. Be angry. But you let Kim manipulate you, you let them vote out guys knowing that this might happen. You were an idiot! And now you’re prancing around yelling “This is my island?” Please. Shut up.

Troy was fuming when they returned from Tribal Council after voting out Jay, but what good did all that yelling do him? Why did he try and turn Christina to his side in front of everyone else? Control your emotions, man! A hissy fit is never a good strategy. Yes, Troy had the right to be angry with the women who betrayed him. But that’s the game, and he got played. Stop crying and plot your next move.

And while we’re at it, maybe you could curb the disgusting sexist remarks as well? Saying that the women in the game are just like women everywhere and “They get their food, they get their house, and as soon as they don’t need you anymore, they’re done,” does not endear you to me, Troy. Leave your hurt feelings about your divorce at home.

Auction Time!

Now, as much as I hate Troy for being a raving jackass, he did have one thing right. When it’s Survivor Auction time, you best be savin’ your money for an advantage in the game. The way the women spent their money in the auction was almost as annoying as how they all bailed on that last immunity challenge for food, and the biggest offender was Christina.

The auction was pretty basic. People blew their cash on things like doughnuts, margaritas and BLTs containing “surprise” bacon. Kim managed to score a shower for only $40 because I guess everyone just wanted to watch her wash that luscious hair, and then spent most of her cash on a giant bowl of peanut butter and some chocolate.

Tarzan said he was holding out because he, a plastic surgeon, wanted the $500 to fix his car back home. What? This guy is so so weird. $500 is nothing in the scheme of this game! Anyone who walks away with a full envelope of cash is a moron. But when letters from home were brought out, both Tarzan and Alicia threw down all their cash to see theirs. Alicia sobbing over a letter from her dad might have been touching if she weren’t the world’s second most atrocious person. (Hi, Colton.)

And then it came: a secret advantage for the next immunity challenge. Both Tarzan and Christina had their full $500, but despite the pleas from the women to bid all her money Christina let it go to Tarzan. What was she waiting for? Christina was just as wishy-washy in the auction as she’s been throughout this game, walking away without making a single purchase.

Search Party

Troy knew an advantage in the immunity challenge wouldn’t guarantee him a win, so when they returned to camp he began looking for another Hidden Immunity Idol. Kim, once again proving that she’s the smartest lady out there, told the women that they should also be looking. With eight of them and one of Troy, if there was an idol to find they’d have a better chance finding it. But there likely isn’t, because Kim’s already holding one.

Troy tried the classic “watch me rustle around in this tree and stuff something into my cargo shorts” trick when Kim was nearby, since he didn’t find anything. I don’t know if Kim bought it or not – after all, it’s always better to play things safe.

Targeted

The immunity challenge was a classic that incorporated a few things from past challenges we’ve seen. Troy’s purchased advantage was that he got to automatically advance to the second stage of the three-stage challenge.

The first stage was untying a large tangled rope, and three people could advance to join Troy – they were Tarzan, Kim and Christina. Next, they had to bounce coconuts off a trampoline to break targets, and only two players would advance from that round. Troy and, surprisingly, Tarzan, moved on. It was the battle of the ‘Zans! I never thought I’d be rooting for Tarzan in a challenge, but Troy was behaving so obnoxiously that I really didn’t want him to win. The final stage was to slingshot coconuts to smash targets tic-tac-toe style. Troyzan won, and rubbed it in everyone’s face like a guy who doesn’t realize he’ll be asking them to give him a million bucks in a couple weeks.

…But You Can’t Make Them Drink

With an immunity necklace hanging around his neck, Troyzan went to work trying to convince people to vote out Kim. He’d need Leif, Tarzan, Christina and Alicia to join him. And the thing is, he was making a very solid argument. Christina is pretty clearly on the bottom of the female alliance, and she has to know it. Alicia perhaps thinks that her place is higher than it is, but she must know that the Kim-Chelsea-Sabrina trio is pretty tight.

The thing is, even though Troyzan’s argument was logical, I don’t think he did a good enough job selling the new alliance to Alicia and Christina. They’re #4 and #5 right now. What would they be with him? He needed to straight up offer them final three, and I’m not sure that he did that.

Tribal Council was volatile, but I felt pretty confident that Kim wouldn’t be going home. So did she, because she never even mentioned playing her idol. Only two votes went Kim’s way, coming from Troyzan and Leif. The rest were split between Leif and Tarzan, a strategy employed just in case Troy did have an idol and gave it to one of the other fellas to use.

Leif was voted out, and his closing remarks were a prime example of why he got hardly any screen time this season and was an overall terrible Survivor player. He was bland, rambling and dull.

So what did you guys think of the episode? Do you think Troyzan still has a shot of breaking up the female alliance? Are you rooting for him? I’m not, but I certainly understand why some people might be. Sound off in the comments!

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