The Bachelor – Kissing Up and Falling Down

bachelor This was a pretty lame episode of The Bachelor, but I can tell things are slowly heating up. The feud between Desiree and Amanda is building, and Tierra is methodically alienating herself from the rest of the house. And Sean is bumbling his way through it all with a smile. Now, let’s talk about this week’s show.

Date #1 – Leslie M.

736513_10151200859413053_46782652_o Setting the world record for the longest on-screen kiss? Really? More like World’s STUPIDEST kiss! OK, that joke wasn’t my best. But come on. Can this guy just go on a normal date? Like, sightseeing? This is ridiculous! Sean said “This is a really awkward situation,” like he was surprised or something. Sigh. Pretty, but dumb.

I actually like Leslie, though. I like that she talked about taking a lot of AP classes in high school and spending lots of time with her family. She might be too smart for Sean. But he ate it up, so of course she was given a rose. Leslie seems sweet and normal, so I think she’ll stick around for a while.

Date #2 – Group Date

774523_10151204845233053_1783840375_o Another ridiculous date. Beach volleyball? OK, not as stupid as the longest kiss, but it was a blatant excuse to get everyone half naked. This was one notch above modeling.

Let’s talk about Kacie’s hair for a minute. Girlfriend needs to learn how to embrace that curly hair, and she’s in desperate need of the appropriate products. This is not her first rodeo! Did she learn nothing from her previous television experience?

The winners of the volleyball game would get to spend more time with Sean later that day. Normally I don’t have a dog in this race – red, blue, whatever. But I wanted Tierra to lose, so I was rooting for the Blue Team.

The blue team won! Not only did sour-faced Tierra lose, but sweet little Desiree hit the winning serve! Did the losing girls not bring clothes with them? Why did they have to pile back into the van in their bikinis?

Desiree shared some nice time with Sean, but her feathers got ruffled when she saw Amanda talking to Sean in a totally different way then she behaves around the other girls. A feud is building! And “sweet” Kacie B. sees opportunity.

Kacie threw both girls under the bus – but really, damaged herself – by revealing the drama to Sean in order to put herself in a better position. I mean, she essentially explained that she was going to use the tension between Desiree and Amanda in order to make herself look better to Sean. Sean said what was on everyone’s minds when he asked “Why are you saying something to me?” Oh, Kacie. This was such a stupid, stupid move. Why involve yourself? What benefit was ever going to come of telling Sean “I’m having a hard time being myself” because of a disagreement between two other girls? It was kind of childish crap that I hate from women on this show. “My plan doesn’t seem to be panning out the way I planned,” she complained. Well, sweetie, that’s what happens when you go on a date with a “plan”.

Sean, of course, did not give Kacie the rose. He gave it to Lindsey, who I don’t remember ever seeing. Watching Kacie cry and complain in her baby voice made me want to choke her with her own hair. Suck it up, princess, you dug your own grave.

Date #3 – Ashlee

You know what a HILARIOUS joke would be? Reading out “AshLee…and Selma” from a date card, when only AshLee is going on the date. So funny! Not. And I’m kind of the queen of bad jokes. Oh, Tierra. She’s already showing off her poor social skills, and there’s more to come.

Tierra did an even better job of putting the focus on herself by throwing herself down the stairs right before Sean arrived for his date with AshLee. Smart move! You’ve got to love a fame whore who’s going to such lengths to get attention from the bachelor. She was so gallant, whining “I don’t want to do this. This is so stupid. I just want to be left alone.” What a trooper. A true American hero. Of course, going to the hospital would have meant not getting to see Sean and getting outed by a medical professional as a great big phony. Not going to the hospital meant getting some in-person sympathy from Sean.

Sean took AshLee to an amusement park to do charity work, so I’m sure she was super excited to be wearing a white and cream mini-dress. Sean and AshLee were accompanying two kids with chronic illnesses through the amusement park. The two kids are best friends online and were meeting in person for the first time, so it was a little adorable.

Sean wanted to see how AshLee would react to sharing the date, but AshLee was the one who was impressed by Sean’s gesture of doing a good deed. It was sweet, but I didn’t really sense much chemistry between Sean and AshLee.

Over dinner, Sean and AshLee had a serious conversation about family and AshLee’s childhood history. (She was in an abusive foster home, then adopted by a loving family at age six.) Sean was so quick to agree that he’d like to adopt, I had to wonder if he was genuine. That’s something most couples would discuss more. I almost felt bad, when Ashlee was crying to the camera. I want her to have something better than The Bachelor!

Rose Ceremony

During the cocktail party, Sean wanted to show Sarah that he’s thinking of her, so he had her dog come visit. Sarah’s from L.A., so it wasn’t as big a deal as it seems. Just a short limo ride. Still, it was cute.

All night, there was a lot of tugging Sean this way and that way. Every two seconds, a girl was stealing Sean away from someone else. Ugh. I hate when the bachelor doesn’t have a backbone in all this. Take control! Don’t just go willingly with whoever gives you puppydog eyes and offers a hand! Jeez!

Kacie was still suffering from the negative effects of her dramatic meddling on the group date. Sean pulled her aside as the rose ceremony was beginning and privately(ish) told her that they’re better off as friends.

Sean returned and handed out the roses. AshLee and Leslie M. already had roses from their dates. Tierra, Leslie H., Katharine, Daniella, Robyn, Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda and Desiree received roses. I’m surprised the producers left Desiree until the end, I never doubted that Sean would keep her around.

The women who were eliminated weren’t that memorable. Next week, roller derby and some kind of “breakdown” from Tierra. That will be memorable.

The Bachelor – Kissing Up and Falling Down


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