Can you believe this season of The Bachelor is down to three women already? And what a boring final three they are. Sean has been edited into a beige, boring schmuck and you’ve got to wonder if perhaps these women have secret personalities as well. Something beyond AshLee constantly saying “I love you”, Catharine being a little kooky and…sorry, what’s the third girl’s name? Can anyone name a defining characteristic other than “weird, drunk, wedding dress girl”? I can’t.
Before diving into a recap, can we talk about these tweets that play across the screen throughout the episode? Weak sauce. Choose ones with better grammar, ABC. And snarkier commentary. I will help. (Community Manager for The Bachelor would be the worst digital media job ever.)
Date #1 – Lindsay
I had to look up her name, you guys! This girl seems positively vapid. It’s like watching someone have a conversation with a child.
Lindsay told Sean that she’s ready to move to Dallas. Sigh. The women on this show are always ready to pack up and leave, whether they’re competing on The Bachelor or the center of attention on The Bachelorette.
Lindsay agreed to go to the Fantasy Suite with Sean because, well, of course. She didn’t even hesitate. Lindsay said walking into the fantasy suite made her feel like a real couple, but it made her look like a nervous prom queen. How old is she, anyway? She looks 12. There were a lot of awkward silences leading up to Lindsay dropping the L word, and it was all incredibly awkward. Again, it’s like she’s a teenager. Sean responded with “I love hearing you say that”, because this show is so weird you guys!
Date #2 – AshLee
If you did a shot every time AshLee said the word “love”, you’d have alcohol poisoning before they’d even gotten off that cool little boat.
Sean decided to force AshLee out of her comfort zone, because somehow convincing a nervous woman to swim through a dark cave means that she’ll trust you in a relationship. AshLee, who was in foster homes and adopted as a kid, has abandonment issues. This outing will solve all that! Who knew it could be so easy?
Ashley expressed some reservations about going to the Fantasy Suite, even though Sean made it clear that the time would be spent just “talking”. Of course, she still went. If Emily Maynard can do it, anyone can! That seems to be what the producers are telling everything I think.
Date #3 – Catharine
Catharine has emerged as a clear favorite for me, because she has an actual personality and great hair. She told Sean that she was pissed at her sisters after he visited, and that she could move to Dallas. I liked that Catharine told Sean that her best friend knows more about her love life than her sisters, it felt like a normal thing to say. Her BFF should have been at the family visit!
Over dinner, Catharine told Sean that even though she’s weird, she’s traditional when it comes to relationships. She brought up the Fantasy Suite before Sean did, and said coming into the experience she’d told herself she wouldn’t go. But like everyone else, she came around.
I often wonder how much off-camera time these people actually get. It’s almost like they get bullied into going to the Fantasy Suite just to get time to talk. This show is the weirdest.
Catharine almost went home last week, but she seems to have so much chemistry with Sean. AshLee and Lindsay’s dates were both so blah. I would have been surprised if Catharine her been eliminated this week.
As Sean watched AshLee’s intense, emotional, yet stiff video, it was obvious that he was planning to send her home. What I don’t understand is why he made them go through the rose ceremony. I mean, Tierra was saved that humilation, but poor AshLee wasn’t? He should have demanded to do it privately.
Sean did eliminate AshLee, and she looked crushed. She looked like someone who was crushed and covering it up with anger. She walked out without saying goodbye to the other girls, or saying a word to Sean. He forced his explanation on her, which was kind of skeezy. She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk, she just wanted to leave.
Next week, the women tell all! This is bound to be better than anything else from this season because the bar is not very high. Tierra will certainly cry, while Sarah and Des will both be auditioning for the role of The Bachelorette.