The Bachelor – Welcome to St. Cry

bachelor Thank god, we’re back to one episode a week on The Bachelor. And thankfully, we’re out of Canada, my home country, which was depicted as the worst place on the face of the earth last week.

This week, Sean and the six remaining ladies headed to warm, beautiful St. Croix. We have beaches in Canada, too! And a thing called summer! Anyway. Only six? I can’t believe Sean is down to only six women, I feel like I haven’t even learned all of their names yet.

Date #1 -AshLee

Despite being in a beautiful place, Tierra was whining. She didn’t want to share a room with any of the girls, so she got a roll-away cot for the shared space. What a gem. It’s very bizarre how she can comfortably refer to Sean as her boyfriend, knowing full well what the format of the show is. It’s like she was hand-delivered a manual from Courtney. What a phoney.

AshLee and Sean had a fun beach day, and she once again added to the chorus of women telling him that Tierra is a secret bitch. He thanks these women for being honest with a smile on his face, but then what does he do? Nothing.

Over dinner, AshLee confided her “skeleton in the closet” to Sean – she had a short-lived teenage marriage. I kind of felt sorry for AshLee and how worried she was. If that had changed Sean’s opinion of her, I’d think he was less of a man. And I don’t think that much of him to begin with. AshLee dropped the L-bomb at the end of the date. The poor girl, she has no idea what an idiot this guy is.

Date #2 – Tierra


This looks very trying.

Tierra was miserable when AshLee got the first one-on-one date, even making a cruel “cougar” joke about AshLee, who has the nerve to be single at the ripe old age of 32. Then, when Tierra received the date card for the second one-on-one date, she turned her nose up at the idea of exploring the local town. Yep. The thing that all the other ladies were jealous of – getting to see a cool place! – but Tierra was worried about bugs and her mascara running. I hate her.

Tierra – hot, gross, and thirsty – put on a brave face for Sean as she braved a horrific day of shopping in a resort town that is technically still part of the United States.

This is why Sean’s a moron: He only cares about how Tierra behaves around him, and that’s incredibly selfish and a good way to end up with a bitchy girlfriend. He should listen to what other people say, he should care about what other people think. Who wants to be with a person who is generally disliked? He has come to the conclusion that she is probably not nice to other people! Who wants that? Sean is a guy that is easily fooled by a girl who’ll throw herself at him and play games. Pathetic.

Date #3 – Early Morning Group Date

“I just need to pee and I’m good to go.” – Catharine

Sean woke up Desiree, Catharine and Linday for a 4:00 a.m. group date. From what I have seen, Sean is not worth a 4:00 a.m. wake-up call. Being woken up before sunrise is not something I’d be into, and it has nothing to do with the makeup. But even I have to admit, that sunrise was beautiful. Luckily, I got to see it on TV at a perfectly decent time of day.

The foursome hung out for the day, and visited a pretty damn amazing treehouse. It was so obvious that Des and Sean are right together that Catharine and Lindsay felt like they were on a double date. Awkward. Later, Sean connected with Catharine on the beach – but does everyone left on this show have a sad life story? And are they all willing to share them on TV? This must be part of the casting process.

I was shocked that Sean gave the rose to Lindsay. Wedding dress girl is getting a hometown date? I think I fell asleep when Sean and Lindsay were talking this week. Or I couldn’t hear them over the crunch of my chips. Either way, I don’t remember any chemistry.

Date #4 – Lesley

I like Lesley, therefore I don’t want her to be on this show. She seems too good for it. Sean went into the date saying that he has stronger feelings for other women, so I had a feeling that she might escape the hell of The Bachelor sooner rather than later. Their date was fine, but uneventful. Boring, even – I have nothing to write about it, and that’s saying something.

Sister Act

Sean’s sister Shay came to visit, and to knock some sense into her brother. Sean pretty quickly told her that Tierra is the only girl left who might end up as The One Who Everyone Hates. Shay warned Sean that a girl who can’t get along with other girls is trouble, and for once he actually listened.

Meanwhile, Tierra and Ashley got into what looked like a conversation forced upon them by producers, which evolved into a catty, she-said-she-said fight. To be fair, we did see Tierra tell AshLee that everyone in the house gossips about her, and then we did see her deny it over and over. There were so many good lines here, guys. “Tierra, you have a sparkle” and “I can’t control my eyebrow!” were the best.

Sean decided that the best thing to do would be to grab Tierra and have her chat with him and his sister. Wrong! The *best* thing to do would be so send Shay in as an undercover production assistant so she could witness the catty fighting that Tierra was instigating with everyone else.

Sean showed up, and Tierra was sobbing. Does she have onions hidden somewhere? How can she conjure these crocodile tears and play the victim card so easily? Sean FINALLY realized that he was dealing with a crazy person, and so he sent her packing. In the gentlest way possible, by telling her that it was because he cares about her so much. I wish he’d said “You’re a crazy, manipulative, awful person and you need to leave”, but that would be asking too much of Mr. Vanilla.

“Nobody will take my sparkle away” are the last words I ever need to hear from Tierra.

Needless to say, the women were thrilled when Sean announced that he realized Tierra wasn’t going to be his wife. Sean also bailed on the cocktail party and went straight into the rose ceremony. AshLee, Des and Catharine joined Lindsay in receiving roses, and Lesley was sent home. Catharine was weirdly heartbroken over it.

I’m not surprised at these results based on the dates from this episode, but I wouldn’t have predicted these four women after the first several episodes. The only one who even seemed on Sean’s radar was Des. Next week are hometowns! Always a fun time.

The Bachelor – Welcome to St. Cry


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