Yes! I always look forward to the family visits on The Bachelor(ette). Who will have the worst family? Who will get dumped for being poor? (Maybe that one isn’t applicable this time around.

) Who will be the weirdest? Well, let the games begin and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Round One: Zak in Texas

I feel that I know very little about Zak. He’s kind of a dark horse in this thing, right? I felt that my sister summed it up best in a text message to me (I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it):

“He’s not my favourite like he’s a cool guy I want to befriend, but I think he is amazing television. He lives alone on a large piece of land, clearly never sees women, seems to have an unending depth of insecurity, thought he was in love with Des immediately, and is such a people-pleaser that he will defer to the other guys because he wants them to like him, too.”

Best. Description. Ever.

Zak’s hometown date reeked of desperation. It was like an ad for Pleasantville, U.S.A. There was an ice cream truck. His weird, pleasant family sang Des a song. SANG! To her! I would have felt so uncomfortable. Then he said “I love you” and gave her a ring. Trying too hard, much?

Round Two: Drew in Arizona

Drew said that Des meeting his family felt like “the next step in our future together.” I mean, yeah. Most people meet the parents more than a week before a proposal, but I guess most people date exclusively for more than twenty minutes before becoming engaged.

After a brief, somewhat uncomfortable visit with Drew’s sister (why didn’t they go inside? or sitdown on a bench? why did they just stand there?) Drew took Des home. Drew strikes me as just a little too intense and buttoned up. Like something might be bubbling beneath the surface.

Drew told Des he loves her, and declared that the next time he sees his family he’d be engaged. The folks in the Bachelorette promo department have something to say about that…

Round Three: Chris in Oregon

If I had to put my money on which guy would go home at the beginning of the episode, I would have put it on Chris. The guy is just so forgettable. He had a very adorable date with Des at a baseball field, and she shared some drawings with him.

The singing with Zak’s family was awkward, but Chris’s dad took the cake. A chiropractor, he decided to do a little work on Des. I need a back massage now from all the embarrassment cringes. Later, he did something weird and gross to Chris’s nose. It was all very upsetting.

The main topic of discussion during Chris’s home visit was how everyone hated his last girlfriend. Even grandma hated her! The rest of this family visit was pretty boring.

Round Four: Brooks in Utah

Brooks has been my favorite (and my mom’s favorite) all along for Des. His family was very nice and the meeting seemed to go well, but it made for a boring segment. Brooks was the only guy who didn’t tell Des he loves her.

Later, Des met with her jerkface brother who caused a scene last season. Why is she giving this guy the time of day? She should cut him out of her life. (Kidding. I’m kidding.)

Rose Ceremony Time

Brooks, Chris and Drew received roses. It was silly for the producers to leave Drew until the end, because we knew from previews all season long that he would make it through this round. Zak was sent home. Given how well Des’s hometown date with Chris went, I wasn’t surprised. I’d suggest he date my sister, but she’s not single. Sorry, Zak!

Next week is “The Men Tell All”, which is kind of lame because we haven’t seen the Drew disaster yet. There have been a lot of douchebags on this season and I’m expecting sparks to fly, but I want to know what happens with Drew first.