This week on The Bachelorette, Emily and the guys headed to beautiful Croatia while Ricki was shipped back to Charlotte with her babysitter. What are we all going to do without those segments where Ricki helps her mom get ready for a rose ceremony? This is so upsetting!

Wall Flower

The first solo date this week went to Travis, with a note reading “Let’s Look for Love Beyond the Walls”. Oh, are they going to meet up with Jon Snow? Maybe stumble upon some white walkers? (I’m not sure about that joke – how much overlap in readers is there between Game of Thrones and The Bachelorette?)

Travis and Emily’s date got off to a rocky start when Travis had the opportunity to take his shirt off (some local lore about a lucky life) and chose not to. Ooh, should we start placing bets on what he’s hiding? A scar is too bad-ass to not want to show off, so my money’s on bacne. (Backne? Back-ne? Back acne. You know what I mean.)

Later, Emily and Travis had dinner in a castle. Nothing but the best for the Bachelorette princess! There have been more castles than usual this season, which I am entirely OK with. Travis told Emily that he’s previously been engaged, and she asked “What did you do wrong?” This one cuts right to the chase, doesn’t she? I like it. Emily liked Travis’s weak sauce answer of “I don’t know if I did anything wrong, I don’t know if she did anything wrong.” Huh? That’s as wishy-washy as you can get. It’s not even as wishy-washy as “Neither of us did anything wrong, it just wasn’t right” because HE’S NOT EVEN SURE ABOUT THAT. Travis is not for me. Apparently he’s not for Emily either, because at the end of the date she told him the romance just wasn’t there, and she cut the guy loose. Oh man, after two years out of the game? That’s got to sting.

I’m not the only one who thinks the throwing of the umbrella was a request from producers, right? No one does that. It had to be staged.

Scot or Not?

Jon, Doug, Sean, Jef, Chris and Arie were selected for the group date, which apparently was going to require bravery. The group date was sponsored by ABC/Disney synergy, and then the guys had to don some kilts. Um, was this date originally planned for Scotland? What does any of this have to do with Croatia? The next event were three Highland Games competitions.

Chris had a tough time in the games, not winning a single event. His arrow didn’t hit the target, his log didn’t flip over, and Doug beat him in whatever that last thing was. But the prize was for bravest, and it was obvious that Emily was going to award it to Chris for his spirit. After all, she’s a mom.

Not only that, Emily ended up giving Chris the date rose – despite some very intimate moments with a few other guys. Personally, I’m OK with this. I still think Emily and Arie send the most sparks flying, but Chris seems like a good guy.

Oyster-La-Vista, Baby

The next one-on-one date went to Ryan, a guy no one other than the show’s producers like. This guy is cheesier than a Kraft cheese string and just as fake. The two went to eat some fresh oysters, which Emily couldn’t bear to swallow.

Ryan has a problem saying “trophy wife” a lot, which Emily is clearly bothered by. Ew. Why is she keeping this guy around?

Later, Emily wore a very sparkly trophy-like dress to have dinner in what I’m assuming was another castle. Ryan helped “explain” (smooth over) his trophy wife comments, and then he read Emily a list of all the qualities (12!) he’s looking for in a woman. Ugh. I hate this guy. I hate his perfectly coiffed hair and how he’s always ready with a line. The list didn’t seem to go over as well with Emily and Ryan anticipated, and I was hoping she’d kick him to the curb as he read about how he wants a perfect family and a wife who’ll want to catch his eye. I wasn’t sure she would, but Emily’s full of surprises, and explained that she couldn’t give him the rose.

But just as I was shouting “Score one for the smart ladies!” Ryan launched into his rebuttal. Sigh. Of course he was shocked, and of course he thought she was making a mistake. Because Ryan is the most arrogant man alive. But he argued to stay with a scary amount of determination. This guy is SO greasy. He’s like one of those douchebag lawyers on a summertime TV drama. He’s Franklin AND Bash. I can’t stand it.

I was really, really hoping that Emily wouldn’t change her mind. But once again, one should never underestimate Emily Maynard. The girl stuck to her guns and sent the jerk packing. I don’t know what she saw in him, but I’m glad it wasn’t enough to keep him around.

So, Ryan’s gotta be that mystery Bachelor Pad cast member, right? Right.

Surprise Visitor

After knowing that Ryan had been given the boot, Arie paid a surprise visit to Emily. It was weird, since Ryan had already been kicked off so Emily didn’t need to be warned. But I guess Arie had been planning to “sneak” out and warn her and still wanted those brownie points, so instead he showed up to reaffirm her decision.

Hanging out in her hotel room, Emily gave Arie a rose – an extra one, to hide from the other guys. It was kind of cute, if cute things are also stupid and meaningless. Arie’s got to win this thing, right guys?

Bubble Boys

Going into the rose ceremony, Emily was debating sending home either John or Doug. And when she say down with John, they shared a really sweet moment and he showed her how he carries the cards from his grandparents’ funerals in his wallet. Even my tiny jaded heart melted.

So Doug had a lot of ground to make up, and he was sweating. It’s nice that Doug is also a single dad, but he doesn’t seem to have much in common with Emily and I just find him so…squirrely.

Emily took some time to think, and then handed out the roses. Sean, Jef and Arie predictably received roses. The last one went to – whoa! Emily actually walked away from the rose ceremony and told Harrison that she didn’t know what to do. “I told you from the beginning, there are no rules here. You can do what you want to do,” Chris said. Um, except for the rules where you make her keep around jerks longer than she wants to for the entertainment value? Oh, OK, cool.

Emily told John and Doug that she couldn’t hand out the final rose. For dramatic effect, it looked as though she’d send them both home, but really Harrison was fetching her an extra rose. Both guys got to stay.

We’re down to six guys, y’all, and the gang is heading to Prague. What do you think, does Arie have this in the bag? Or will this dated-a-producer scandal they teased throw a wrench into things? Is Sean or Chris going to be a dark horse? Who do we like?

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