Are you ready for a second week of crazy? I sure hope so. I don’t know how anyone could watch the first episode of The Celebrity Apprentice and not get sucked in. But even if you don’t watch it (two hours is a damn long time, even for Gary Busey) I’m sure you’ll enjoy The Five Wacky Wonders of The Celebrity Apprentice.
The task was to create a book for kids around ages four or five, and also perform it. If last season’s Harry Potter task could be any indication, it was sure to be a distaster.
- Throwing Lisa under the bus within the first thirty seconds. There were women on Team ASAP who’d actually written children’s books before, but they chose Lisa Rinna as their project manager. In fact, Lisa kind of got bullied into it. In fact, according to NeNe they chose her because they knew she’d fail and then get fired. Um, who are you again NeNe? What makes you better than Logan Echolls’s mom? Meanwhile, Meatloaf stepped up for the guys.
- Fighting! Jose Canseco freaking out that the dudes’ book premise suggested that a teacher would ignore a kid. Or something. Whatever it was, he was mad. (‘Roid rage?) The women bickered just as much – Dionne wanted a lame-o feel-good book about “being yourself”. Marlee wanted to make the book about a hearing impaired lion. I wanted to make the book about how much I love Marlee’s interpreter.
- The return of Eric Trump, who I’ve long believed to be the worst Trump. Though there’s still time for little Baron. Gary Busey and Meatloaf had a confusing disagreement during his visit, though. The men were not getting along in front of Big Donald’s spy! Can’t wait to see that rivalry come to a head.
- The battle over the least creative intellectual property ever. Dionne wanted individual credit for conceiving the idea for the book. Star wanted individual credit for writing it. God knows why, but for some reason LaToya was crying. And Lisa declared that she wasn’t about to be taken down by a bunch of bitches. Roar? More like rawr!
- Trump addressing the elephant in the room – Lisa’s lips. He’s right, she looks much prettier now. But holy crap, who says that? Publicly! And who attacks tattoos in a room full of musicians, actors and other low-rent celebrities?
Neither team’s book seemed particularly creative, so I thought the performances would make the difference.
When Lisa came out with Marlee and did some sign language, it pretty much proved that the team should have gone in that direction. When I was a kid I had a book about Helen Keller, and in the back it showed you the symbols for the alphabet. I loved it. I’m glad they signed the story, but I wish they’d been a little more creative and made the main character deaf.
The men did a better job of winning over the kids, though. They had funny costumes, and their story rhymed. There’s a reason Dr. Seuss is so successful. The only problem? Jose Canseco, who was as wooden as a baseball bat. With Lil Jon’s rap at the end, which had the kids standing up and dancing, they blew the women out of the water. And then Meatloaf cried, which was weird.
The men obviously deserved to win, so that wasn’t a surprise at all. After a lot of bickering, Lisa predictably chose Star and Dionne to go to the boardroom with her. I knew Star wouldn’t get fired – she’s too savvy, even though she’s a B. I hated how she said “Everyone, Emmy Award winner Lisa Rinna!” in such a condescending way when Lisa tried to amp the team up before the performance, and I hated how she smugly giggled at Lisa when Lisa admitted she had a lot to learn as a project manager. So even though I don’t like Star, I knew she didn’t deserve to be fired.
I wanted Dionne fired, and not just because I like Lisa Rinna. I didn’t like how Dionne spoke to anyone, particularly Lisa and Marlee. She’s arrogant and unwilling to compromise, and just isn’t a team player. Plus, continuing the Lisa vs. Star feud makes for better TV. But Trump just wasn’t willing to give Lisa a chance, so he fired her.
What do you think, did Lisa Rinna deserve to be fired? I gotta say, I’m disappointed. Luckily, there are plenty of other crazies just waiting for screen time. Now check out my favorite quotes from the episode:
- “Thank god for Mark McGrath. He’s the hood ornament on your car of creation.” – Gary Busey
- “I don’t think four and five year old kids would be ready for that kind of diversity.” – Dionne Warwick
- “LaToya, honest to god, I love you with all my heart, but suck it up. Suck it up! We’re in business, we’re not twelve.” – Star
- “Well, I’m deaf.” – Marlee, when trump is shocked after she says people tell her Dionne is a legend. That was incredibly idiotic, even for Trump. Sure, she may have heard of Dionne at some point. But come on – Marlee isn’t likely tracking the top hits on iTunes or tracking down classic R&B on vinyl. Get real. I mean, has Trump ever heard of, say, Ken Paves? Doubtful.