I stopped counting.

I stopped weighing.

And now my clothes are tight.

I put on my favourite red cardi-coat from last year and my arms feel tight in it.

Ya see, here’s where we’re all “stuck” in the Catch 22 of all things weight loss.

To lose weight there is something that is universal: calories in vs. calories out.  Now I don’t want to hear the whole “calorie counting debate” because this part is science and it’s universal regardless if you count them or how you count them.   Of course there are other factors and I’m not saying things don’t factor in, but that is the basic principle.

Some people get along just fine not having to count calories.  Apparently I am not one of those people. 

Apparently if you listen to your body 24/7 it should tell you when and how much and what to eat.  With all the high speed of life zooming around at all times, I don’t know how people manage to stop and listen.  I can listen for about 10 seconds and I get distracted by how good the damn thing tastes.

Here’s the Catch 22: to ensure you are achieving  a calorie deficit to achieve weight loss, counting is required (read: it is for ME).  In doing so, you (read: I) drive yourself crazy trying to control all the factors that could muck it up.  I mean after all, you ARE putting all of this mental time and energy into the planning and preparation to achieve this “holy calorie deficit” after all, so the last thing you need is for some simple little rookie mistake like not measuring to muck it up if you can at all help it.  You know it’s true.

So then all of this mental preparation then leads to feelings of deprivation which in my case is always theoretical because I always can have whatever I damn well want and all I have to do is count it.  But it’s all in the “idea” that you “shouldn’t.”  I’ve never deprived myself of anything that I truly wanted.  But even still, you feel it just the same.  This all made so much sense when I read Intuitive Eating.  Never could “get there,” but I agree and identified with most things in the book along the way.

So there in lies the “catch” for me.  I need to count, but I’ve been at this for so bloody long that I just plain don’t want to for long, then I get the deprivation bug or whatever it is, stop and hence my clothes are tight.  For at least the last year (two?) I end up backed into a corner feeling desperate to have to start counting again in order to “ensure” that I’m going to get the results and I always get tired of it and then stop. 

This never happened when I lost 130 lbs and was in the “zone.”  There WAS no stopping me.  My eye was on the prize and that was it. Period.  No excuse or opportunity to cheat on myself was ever accepted.  I reached my original goal of 170 lbs and hot ding – wow!  The biggest most amazing accomplishment of my entire life and while I still have many years of wonderful accomplishments of other kinds to enjoy in my life, this one by far almost identifies who I am to myself.  I then decided to lower my goal.  Now I’m in the 180’s “somewhere” (to afraid to look) and I’ve realized that I’d be happy to stay at 170 just fine.  Yeah I’m 5’4” and the charts say this and all that crap, but I don’t really care about that.  I know where I feel that I can live happily and that’s where it is.

Now a lot of major life events have occurred in our family over the last few years and I am only human.  Maybe I wasn’t quite human during the bulk of my weight loss, but I am now 😉

Thankfully I made a promise to myself many years ago and a good friend is holding me to it.  Details to come 😉

Thank you for your continued support.  I love you all.  More than you know.