I believe in marriage. I wholeheartedly believe I know what it takes to be a loving wife, a wonderful mother…a fabulous partner. I know that saying those vows in front of all of your friends and in the name of God was by far one of the most important things I’ve ever done.
The moment I was married, I felt content. I knew that this was what I’d wanted. That creating a partnership with someone you cherish, raising a family together, facing the joys and tough times…was something absolutely beautiful.
Before I was married I asked my Pop for his advice…for his “secret” to a long and happy marriage. His answer…”never fall out of love at the same time.”
That advice gave me the understanding that we fall in and out of love, there are many ups and downs, peaks and valleys…but it’s ok. Together, we could get through anything.
So…why did it fail?
Why did it all fall apart?
I know the specific incident that ended it…but what got it to that point? What got it so off rails that an infidelity so outrageously painful would happen to a marriage that I adored? How was I so blind that I didn’t see it coming?
It’s five and a half years later…and I still don’t fully know.
I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know what I did to escalate it. I don’t know my part in the whole “there are two sides to every story”…I don’t know when we stopped communicating or believing that together we could face the world.
I couldn’t begin to tell you when he fell out of love…and how I didn’t see it when I was still feeling it so deeply. I was in that “marriages go through tough times” phase…knowing it would get better…and he had checked out.
Long before it actually ended.
I remember the day a friend told me how fearful she was of her own marriage…because if it could happen to me…it could happen to anyone!
Hindsight is a funny thing. After much counselling to get me to this place I am today…I realize that I wasn’t in the marriage I thought I was in. It’s been brought to my attention that I tried a little harder than my partner. While I was making excuses and hiding from what was in front of my face…I was doing great harm to a marriage that I’d believed in so deeply. Keeping the peace was in fact, creating a war.
While I wanted to believe I was in a happy marriage…I now know better…and there’s little I could have done to make a difference.
I believe in marriage. I believe in commitment. I believe in all of the things it takes to be successful…to get through the ups and downs and have a healthy, happy, long and fulfilling relationship. I believe in Love. I believe a marriage takes trust, commitment, accepting each others faults, faith, compassion, patience. Marriage means putting your family first, working as a team, communicating through the hard times…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health…to love and to cherish.
But what one person believes makes a happy, healthy marriage…a marriage that is worth fighting for and will stand the test of time…only matters, if both people feel the same way.
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