When You Are Not Mom Enough

Last week there were many a post about being Mom enough, especially after the Time cover, and the 1001 posts that came after, but I was sitting here even as Mother’s Day came and went and wondered if I was Mom enough.

I have been going through some major Mom guilt lately.

I have a teen who has an undiagnosed illness. She has spent since March 27th, out of school as she awaits a hospital bed so we can get a diagnosis, so she can get assessed properly by the specialists that she needs to see. There is a shortage of beds for kids/teens like my daughter here in the city where I live (Toronto).

It has left me feeling guilty, that I did not take action sooner. That I did not advocate harder, faster, stronger.  The hardest part of these 2 months has been the waiting, as our life as we know it is on hold as we await this hospital bed.

There is nothing harder then parenting a child when you don’t know what more you can do. When you aren’t mom enough.

Every day that we wait, I struggle more, I simply want answers for my daughter. The waiting is the hardest. Fear and worry invade each and every day. I feel I am not mom enough. I pray for the strength I need to get through, and to help her through as the days have been dark.

We simply want answers, is that too much to ask? Is that too much for a mom to ask? Till I have them, till I know, I do not feel like I am mom enough.

For those of who are wondering my daughter has been having some serious mental health issues that really began to surface after I moved back to Toronto, after she had been badly bullied for 2 years in Nova Scotia. But there is more to the story..a lot more as appointments with 3 specialists have told us that she needs a Neuro specialist. So we really do not know what is bringing on the mental health issues, and we need to know. A teen deserves her health, and to be in school. Doctors will not allow her to go to school till we know the full scope of what is going on with her, and in the meantime she is missing her friends.

For me her mom I am challenged, worried, and fearful because each week that the diagnosis is delayed I see my daughter slipping away from me, and since I can not do anything to stop it I feel I am not mom enough. I am trying hard to be strong, to keep her and me both occupied as we wait but each day it is getting harder. Whoever said waiting is easy lied, it is one of the hardest things to do especially when you are searching for answers as a parent.

Have you ever felt not mom enough?