Last episode left us with the epic battle of Rachel vs. Danielle. Was or was she not touching her? We may never know.
The baby Rachel is crying, it’s your turn
So after the nomination ceremony Rachel ran off to…. well, you know….First the Mom of the house, Shelly, felt compelled to calm down Rachel and tell her not to let others get to her and to act with some class. Shelly was very stern yet encouraging. The woman got mad Mom skills. But I would ask Shelly, why are you helping Rachel? Just let Rachel slowly implode into a hot steaming mess of red hair dye and silicon.
Next, Rachel begins to dramatically pack her clothes to go home just like a kid who is about to runaway. I never attempted this as a child but instead locked myself in my closet swearing to never leave. It lasted 30 minutes, probably because then Gummie Bears was on. Back to the show, Jordan, also in the room, asks a very loaded question, “What’s wrong?”
Thus begins another monologue of high pitched squeaks mixed with her Kermit the Frog voice. Here’s what I got: something, something, Brendon gone, something I’m being attacked, something something super fart buffet night? It was really is hard to understand.
Jordan has a huge revelation that she is the new Brendon and is horrified by her new responsibility. Just remember Jordan, don’t get Rachel wet, don’t feed it past midnight…crap I can’t remember the third rule.
So where do you stand?
Jeff has a house meeting that consists of accusing everyone of being floaters. He also makes a reference to the Vietnam war at some point. I am not an American History buff but I am pretty sure it was not the right war he was looking for. It’s funny that none of the Newbies seemed to retaliate to this accusation. Man, this house got some crazy floaters like Adam and Lawon. Shelly has made deals with both Jeff and Jordan and Kalia and Danielle and now, Porsche who was bosom buddies with Rachel seems to be distancing herself and is getting closer to the enemy Danielle.
Hold on y’all balls – Veto Competition
The other Veto players are Shelly, Adam and Jordan. The housemates wear Greek togas and….hello Jeff, oh my. Funny, how his outfit was more fitted than the other players. Allison Grodner, do you also have a thing for Jeff? Like the story of Sisyphus, the housemates must push a rock (in this case a ball) up a ramp repeatedly without dropping it. No biggie, but they have to do this consecutively 300 times. Good competition, but sounds so tedious.
So the ladies all stink at this game. I’m not sure why but they just can not keep their hands on the ball. Finally, Kalia just gives up altogether and uses her time to cheer on Jeff. This is a little pathetic when she claimed she was going to “try so hard” to win.
I am happy to see Adam as a true contender in this game. He and Jeff were neck and neck throughout the whole game. I was so anxious watching this. Jordan explains her worry in the diary room saying how Adam had, “more balls than Jeff.” Then she made an adorable face.
Jeff , excuse me, Big Jeff steps it up and wins the Power of Veto with Adam only seconds behind him.
Is it that special time of the month? For everyone?
There are a lot of ‘Sensitive Sallys’ in the house. It starts when Jeff and Jordan really grill Shelly asking if Shelly is still on their side. She took this offensively and like Rachel, ran into the Purple Room to cry. Jeff reluctantly talks with Shelly and apologizes for his behavior. I think this must be the first apology we have seen all season.
Then Jordan is upset because she is just frustrated. So Jeff has to calm down the situation. He does say though, “I can’t stand any more women crying. Are you all on your periods?” That’s what I was thinking.
Kalia, I found your backbone on the floor, you may want it
Kalia doesn’t have a backbone. Think about it. First she teams up with Danielle to get rid of a Veteran (Rachel specifically). Next when Jeff and Jordan are upset about being put up, Kalia begins to bend over backwards to prove they are not her target. (Do I have to remind you how she was cheering Jeff on to win Veto?) Then after the competition Rachel offers Kalia a deal to work with her. So now Kalia wants her and Danielle to work with Rachel? What? But you? How? Why?
OK Kalia, can you hear me? For just a second forget about the money and the game and target someone who is just plain annoying the house. Just get rid of Rachel because she is annoying. Very, very annoying.
Danielle is not happy about this new idea at all. Kalia thinks she needs to do something to show everyone that she is making her own decisions not Danielle. That is the dumbest logic. Kalia, if you really feel that way, start eating with your toes, walk around the house naked, hit on Lawon, the whole house will be pretty sure you make your own decisions.
The clouds parted and there appeared the sacrificial lamb
Kalia is just so focused on not making anymore enemies that she can’t pick her replacement nominee. Then out of nowhere Lawon volunteers to be put up. What? Wait, you might be thinking, oh as a pawn, but no, he literally said he doesn’t mind getting evicted? What the what? He took the information from Julie saying that the next evicted housemate “may” let me repeat “may” come back way too literally. Not only that, he thinks the evicted housemate will return with special powers. Here’s the special power you will receive. A magic box that shows you what the rest of the house is doing. The box will reveal this three times and week and you can view the magic box from the comfort of your own home. That’s right, because you are NOT coming back.
Let’s breakdown Lawon’s reasoning:
“Crap, the bank foreclosed our home and we don’t have enough money for our children’s shoes.”
“Hey, honey you know there is a 5 million dollar lottery this week.”
“Thank God, I was really worried for a second. Hey kids, we’re going to Disney World”
I wish I had Lawon’s blind faith. Life seems to be pretty happy in his little world.
So Kalia takes her little lamb and places him on the block. The Veterans are shocked at Kalia’s sheer stupidity. Wait, what would make the Veterans happy in this situation I can’t tell.
So has Lawon committed the dumbest move in Big Brother history? Who will come back to the house? And will Julie’s hair calm down?
- Rachel if you know you have a habit of crying you should invest in waterproof mascara. Might I recommend CoverGirl? (CoverGirl please send your cheque to Halifax…)
- How long has Jeff been calling himself Big Jeff?
- Ok, how much time passes between nominations and Veto? This episode made it look like it happened within a couple of hours.
- Adam turns 40 in the house and decides to shave off his beard. Wow he looks so different. Not bad, not good, but different. I hate when people shave their beards, it frightens me. My Dad has had a beard my whole life. If that man EVER shaved it I would scream, “You’re not my father!”
- Rachel was upset she didn’t win Veto and said she wanted to do it in honour of Brendon’s memory. HE’S NOT DEAD!