Have you ever made a choice you so regret later? What is it was a life changer? What if it could steal your soul? What if it changed who you are?
Sometimes we all screw up. I know I have. Mistakes were made. Lies were told mostly to myself. Sometimes that things we say and do have an effect that we can not see till far later. Other times they just stare you in the face from the very beginning.
When ever we make a choice there is a consequence.
Some we like, others we hate.
Sometimes all you can do is step back and try and undo the mistake. But this takes courage, it takes stamina. It takes a willingness to see yourself as you truly are. Even if that reality is a broken mess. You could run and hide. I know this is how I have felt. Lately it seems like my life has spiraled out of control. I have made mistakes, some can not be undone. Some where totally out of character for me. I was impulsive and stupid. Ever been there?
So now the consequences are starting me in the face: debt, broken trust, and depression are staring me in the face.
So how do I begin to make things right?
First thing money wise I had to make a plan so the debt could get repaid and repaid quickly as I do not want it over my head. I know to repay the debt it will take work, something I have been short on lately but I am commited to paying it back.
Second and more important I needed to and need to take a good look at myself and the root cause of the choices I made.
Sometimes it takes a moment in time for us to step back and see the reality. To truly see yourself as you are. To be naked in front of yourself.
The reality is I am not a bad person, I simply made mistakes, I made some wrong moves. I can move on. It will take some time. I can pay the debt. I can start living in my truth. I still have parts of me that are broken, that I was choosing to hide ( we never like that ugly side of ourselves- and we all have one) and not dealing with some things that are very deep seeded. I have to do the work.
As for the broken trust well sometimes it takes doing the work before there can be any hope for trust. The work comes first. Steps can be made, and they have to be made one at a time.
As for the feelings of depression I could let them immobilize me. I have in the past but this time I can’t I have been given a gift. I see the naked Hollie, and she ain’t that bad. I simply have to make better choices. I have to get off my but and do the work. I have to get help to look at the stuff I have smothered for years. We all can let the consequences change us, mold us or break us. Today I am choosing to let it begin to mold me into making me a better me, a me that is living and active choosing well in my reality.