AllyG: L-A has a serious case of the head cold today so I’m anticipating she will need to rest up before adding to the Fave Friday post. Since there is no danger of me going into labour or anything until Christmast 2011, I’m more than happy to start the post! Also, I apologize to L-A for taking advantage of her illness by posting crappy pop music. It was Soooooo worth it for that video though. Do you not agree?

Ok, so as promised, I want to do a brief recap of ANTM Cycle 13. Let’s be real for a second, it’s not totally awesome being overdue with your first baby. No matter how patient you are (and I have zero patience) you are excited/anxious to get the show on the road. So, I seriously needed a distraction. Big Brother has been helpful, but nothing quite cheers me up like Tyra and some fudge brownie ice cream!

I love Cycle 13 already because Tyra has embraced one of the most targeted segments of present day society. That’s right…women under 5′7. Do you know what they go through on a daily basis? Let’s check out a sneak peek!

I had just about convinced my poor, suffering husband (seriously, you have no idea the pain he is putting up with lately) to watch this with me. He made it farther than I thought he would. He had to depart the room when Tyra pulled out the hideous french accent. If I wasn’t so pulled in by crazy Amber and bitchy Bianca, I would have been more understanding.

The best parts of the first episode are as follows (in no particular order):

• Miss Jay’s facial expressions when the contestants are telling their sob stories. Bitch doesn’t care.
• Everything Amber says. Particularly when she starts singing, “Jeee-sus! You are my beeeest friend!”
• Bianca bitching about her bleached eyebrows. Girl has a shaved head and she’s worried about her eyebrows?
• Erin. I love Erin. I am going to be rooting for Erin the entire time. You can tell that she has serious cold hearted bitch in her by her comment at the end of the above video. “She is adorable, but you need to be more than adorable”. Word. Also, she reminds me of Mena Suvari a tad. Non?

Is it just me? Mena also suffers terribly from being petite.

• The fact that there is a girl named “Sundai” on the show.

• Bloody eyeball. It was as awesome as the preview made it appear.

All the above is to state that this season is going to kick some serious ass. I think it could be the best casting ever, and that’s saying a lot. The first photo shoot proved that these girls may just have what it takes.

I like Rae now…but something tells me I’ll learn to hate her. I think there is a pretentious ass lying underneath the doe eyed young mother facade. Nice photo though!

It wasn’t shocking that Lisa went home last night. Her photo resembled an evening I had at age 21 after a few too many margaritas when I woke up and discovered my roomates had put clown makeup on my face.

Wittle Wisa is Angry Wangry!

Nicole is one stop away from crazytown but she knows how to work her angles. I have to give Tyra props for the makeover. The Big Red look is working f0r me.

L-A: (Sorry! We’re late again! head cold!)

I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when Amber dropped out. Nothing makes for better reality TV than a complete crazy pants. And Amber was going to be it for me. I knew it when she first said that Jesus wanted her to be a Top Model.  Alas, I’m going to have to put my money on Nicole for the crazy. We can only hope she’ll bring it. The other girls are expecting it too. One of them said “she makes me nervous when she speaks.”  If the bloody eyeball comment is any indication, it’ll be worth the wait when the crazy really happens. I love that it took almost a full minute for her to register that she was a finalist. I think Tyra was ready to change her mind about that girl.

I’m a bit surprised at how gimmicky Tyra is getting with Top Model. Only short models? Really Ty-Ty? Really?  Okay, now I don’t know much about being short (I’m no amazon, but I’m a bit over 5′7″), but I didn’t think this was a persecuted group.  I’ll forgive her for the gimmick if she does an all plus-sized model cycle of ANTM. Despite their shortness, these girls can yell just as much as every other bunch of contestants. In an ANTM versus CNTM comparison: ANTM models scream way more and over far less. “Tyyyyraaaaaa-maaaaaaaaiiiiiiiillllll” sends them into ear splitting squeals and shouts. The sight of Jay or Miss J does the same. I hope those two are wearing ear plugs when they deal with the girls.

Okay, some favourite moments:

• Miss J: Just about everything Miss J does makes me happy. Like how she clapped gleefully when Lulu said she was gay. Or when she got her own “ty-over” (ty-over? Enough, Tyra. Enough). She mocks the girls and they seem to be clueless:  “Hopefully, this makeover, will make me feel, much taller”

• I love country-fied Laura and her grandma made clothes. She’s adorable. Like when they tell her to use the doll as a prop: “C’mon, we’re goin’ to the mall” and carries it like a handbag.  She was maybe the only girl on set who looked like she was enjoying herself. Which brings me to…
• Bianca! She hates everything and everybody! I’m used to the girls bitching about their makeovers, but then doing the same bitching about their makeup once on set? Oooh honey no. Not allowed. The LA Times Showtracker recap asked the same question I did: Has anyone told her what competition she’s in? As Tyra pointed out, before she started talking about how it was back in the day and made a ModelFace, models are paid to sell whatever makeup or outfits the client wants to sell. Bianca might be too smart for this, because models are not paid to editorialize the look they’re given. At least not the short models who aren’t being paid yet.
• The faces that Jay, Miss J and Tyra make during the first round of meeting contestants. The girls must be so wrapped up in getting on the show that they don’t see the mocking looks.  Me? That’s what I’d be watching for. After 12 complete ANTM cycles, I know they are going to mock everyone. It is a given. I live for it. But it’s one of those moments where I think the girls don’t actually watch the show or read fashion magazines, because they have no idea the mocking is coming and they have zero clue how to pose like a model. which is why we get this:

Oh Amber. I miss you. But seriously, in what world is this a pose you’d strike when trying to impress the judges of a modeling competition?  You do this to amuse viewers like me, not to impress Tyra and the Js.

• Jay Manuel’s faces on set:

That was his reaction to Sad Clown Lisa after he told her to cheer up and she just sat there looking like someone ran over her puppy.  Apparently watching her model was like watching paint dry. Advice to future Top Models: when Jay makes this face, you are doing it wrong.

• I mentioned it already, but I love Crazypants Nicole. Jay asks her if she’s awake and she takes a few seconds to reply and then BOOM! She kills it on set. At which point Courtney says: “She pretends like she’s dumb and doesn’t know what she’s doing and then look at her”. Stealth modeling. I like it.
• Tyra’s comment to the now dark-haired Brittany: “Dark Hair does not mean that we are sluts honey”

As in every cycle, the first few shoots involve Jay trying to make a couple of the girls look less like it’s a porn shoot.  Brittany was bringing on the porn poses and blamed it on her dark hair. This led to Tyra doing some disturbing boob rubbing and tongue wagging.

Things I did not like/get about the episode?

• Tyra’s Mrs. Roper outfit and bad French accent. Scary.
• The bleached eyebrows. Three girls with bleached eyebrows! Why? This is a trend I’d like to see end ASAP. CNTM did this to one the girls on this past cycle.  Sadly, the trend might go on a bit longer as even WhoWhatWear is advocating the look and are pointing out how an Olsen has bleached her brows and it was the look for a Balenciaga runway. But please, no more.
• The funhouse that they’re living in. Based on an episode of Big Brother I once saw a few years ago, I’m guessing that Tyra bought that place, or at least the props, at a fire sale and decided to up the gimmick factor for this cycle. Because it needed more gimmick.
• The rope bikinis. What?

What the hell is happening there? Some of them look like budget version of a Star Wars Fanboy Fetish. Give her a braid and a choker attached to a chain and she’s ready to be a Princess Leia at your local comic book convention. I’m not kidding. Check it out:

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t get it.  If you want the girls to look a little less porny, maybe you shouldn’t dress them up in bondage/fetish gear. Just a thought.

Okay, that’s it for me for Friday. Enjoy your weekend. If you’re in Halifax, you should check out the arts and craftsy awesomeness of  Go North and the Halifax Crafters’ Art Harvest Sale (@ the North Street Church, from 11-5 on Saturday and Sunday).

xoxo,

L-A.