Gun Shy

So here I am all signed back up as a Weight Watchers Online member again, tracking, getting back on my feet (for realz) and learning how to juggle all the planning and preparing with taking care of a 4 1/2 mth old who is still keeping me up every 2-3 hrs most nights (can’t believe he’s that old already).  While the pieces are falling into place to ensure a successful weight loss journey (oh yes, it’s happening and I’m getting back to my old self again, and everyone’s all “bring on 2011” I have to admit that I find myself standing here at the starting line a little gun shy. I am finding myself shying away from the physical activity part.  I’ve had this feeling before when I had a long hiatus from physical activity, but this time I think I’m afraid to put my old new (soon to be old again) body to the test to see how “bad” it really is. I mean I know it’s bad because I’m experiencing physical pain on a daily basis, but exercise, THAT will be the true truth teller.

Ya see, over the last year, I don’t know if you know this or not (ha ha), but I had a baby and (re)gained all kinds of extra baby weight.  I call it “baby” weight because it occurred while I was pregnant, but it was by no means necessary (or even a wise idea) to occur during that time.  But nonetheless, here I am standing (and feeling) every single extra pound.  Notice how I’m not really saying how much weight? I think it still shocks me too much to publicly admit it (yet).

One year ago I was semi-regularly going to the gym and in retrospect was probably in the best shape of my life, even though I didn’t appreciate it and I was a far cry from being what I would consider “fit” and I would have pretend races on the treadmill with the guy or girl next to me and fantasized about crossing the finish line of the Bluenose Half Marathon that I had just recently committed to running and was very excited about starting training.  My Christmas presents were ALL running gear and training related (hello Garmin 305 that has NEVER been used yet), running room gift card to equip me to run and train in the winter with the Running Room, stocking filled with goos and gels to fuel be through the “long” runs to come.

Wow how things have changed. Big.Wow.

Lots of people do it.  Lots of people continue running, maintain impressive levels of physical fitness throughout their pregnancy and are right back at it soon after having their baby.  And as much as I dreamed of being one of those people (even before I was pregnant) and as much as I felt like everyone almost “expected” it from me – given my commitment to my weight loss and improving my health – I fell into the other category with lots of other people who go the other way.  I don’t feel great about it – in fact it takes my breath away some days.  BUT I know I’m not alone – not by a long shot.

All of this rambling just to try to work through my thoughts as to why I am afraid to work up that first sweat again.  Not that I ever felt like doing it before I was a mom, but there’s a definite new iron kick in the pants needed to get me to move my buns after the little one has gone to bed.  When he goes to bed around 6:15, it’s the first and only opportunity I have “free” – free to make supper, eat supper, tidy up, sit and relax, play online, watch TV, read etc.  I go to bed around 10 at which point our Little Peanut could have me up anywhere from 2 to 4+ times during the night. 

Even though it’s exhausting, my most motivating time of the day would be after I get up with him in the morning, have had a coffee (or two) and then he is ready for his first nap (around 9).  THEN would be the best time to pop in a DVD or run downstairs and hop on the elliptical, BUT (there’s the but) – the little guy ONLY will nap for 30 mins  You can set your watch to it.  So while there might be just enough time to get part of a workout in, there’s no other time to catch breakfast etc. 

I’m trying to be patient because he’s making big strides on his independent play time, so I’m hoping that I can bring his exersaucer into the basement and “hope” that he can last in it long enough beside me while I bring it on the elliptical.  I guess I could look at it as a glass half full kind of thing, like “even if I get 15 minutes in, it’s better than none” but COME ON how frustrating would be be to JUST start to work up a sweat and then it’s over.  I’m also looking into taking him to the gym and just paying the extra $5 for him to go in the day care.  It sucks to have to pay on top of my membership, but it also sucks that I’m not currently USING the membership either so it’s time to show my face there again & take that step with the little one and have him experience play at gym while Mom’s getting her sweat on.

Deal? See, I knew I could work through a thing or two, if I just sat here and got my thoughts out there to you guys!

Oh and I’m not sure exactly what event yet, but I’m running in the Bluenose again this year.  Even if it’s the 5k walk/run with the stroller, I’m doing it.  The extent of my participation will all depend on my weight loss and fitness progress up to that point, but either way – I’M DOING!  And lucky for me that a fine group of ladies on twitter have expressed interest in forming a little walking group in preparation for the same, so we’re bringin’ the Bluenose bloggies 🙂

How do you Moms do it? Where and how do you trim out the time for yourself with a young baby?

reno chronicles #11

Are Ours