Logan’s first birthday was Tuesday. I know, if this were my first baby, I’d already have a letter written to him and pictures up. But this is my third baby, so I went to sleep on Monday night full of anxiety because maybe I didn’t do enough for his birthday. Maybe I wouldn’t have enough time for him on his birthday (I had a night out planned with some hockey-mom friends). I knew that my one-year-old didn’t need a large birthday party with guests and decorations and a clean house.
The holidays are over. I spent the weekend taking down the tree. My maternity leave is over (and so is that steady paycheque). I’m doing my best just keeping my head above water. If Logan will never remember his first birthday then stressing out about throwing a party should be (and was) low on my priority list.
Except, Logan is likely maybe probably possibly my last baby.
I did not have a vehicle at all on Monday, the day before Logan’s birthday. When Dan got home, too late for me to venture out and “plan” some last minute birthday surprises, I noticed that I was feeling incredibly anxious.
“We have nothing for Logan’s birthday tomorrow!” Emotional and dramatic. That’s me.
“Laura. He’s one. He won’t understand it. He doesn’t expect anything. He won’t remember anything. He’ll be fine. It will be a good day.”
“But I want him to feel special. I want him to understand that it isn’t like every other day. And plus, this is likely my last baby.”
Oh, those last baby feels. When your (likely maybe probably possibly) last baby turns one, it feels like a door has been slammed in your face. The baby years, no matter how hard and exhausting they were, are so close to being over. You look at your oh-so-mature five-year-old and your oh-so-big three-year-old and realize that your baby is going to be just like them sooner rather than later. You realize that this is it. This is (likely maybe probably possibly) your last chance to experience these firsts. Firsts begin to feel like lasts, because sometimes they (likely maybe probably possibly) are.
I did manage to make his birthday special. Dan and I cheered for Logan when we went in to get him from his crib on Tuesday morning. We said “Happy Birthday”. We clapped with him. I had old baby toys from storage sitting in the living room floor surrounded by balloons. Gavin and I each picked out a present in the middle of the day with Logan there, watching us, and spoiling the surprise. We purchased a grocery store cake and I insisted we eat it immediately before dinner so that I could watch him experience his cake before needing to run out to my social event. (Dan appreciated that I filled the baby [and brothers] with sugar before leaving him to manage dinner and bedtime alone.)
I’ve officially parented three children for a year. Parenting is full of learning experiences, but I think what I have recently come to understand is that sometimes you can make something special without going all out. Sometimes something is just as wonderful, if not more when Mama hasn’t lost her mind trying to make it happen. Sometimes a quiet day with family where cake comes before dinner; and clapping is the most exciting part of the day, sometimes that trumps a stress-inducing birthday party for a nonverbal baby who doesn’t even have friends yet (apart from his brothers).
In celebration of my (likely maybe probably possibly) last baby’s first birthday, I want to celebrate on the blog by giving away a couple of presents. They’re products that have helped me find special moments without much hassle.
Today I am giving away a $100 President’s Choice gift card because PC Organics Baby has seen me through this first year (or, at least, the last six months) with good food that is high in quality but low in the effort required of me to serve it to my baby. It has provided a lot of great first foods for Logan.
To enter, please comment below* to let me know what types of cake you served your baby for their first birthday(s). If you do not have a baby, you can still enter. Let me know your favourite kind of cake!
The giveaway will close on January 25th and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator draw. The giveaway is available to Canadian residents only.
*if you are reading this on anything other than www.mommy-miracles.com, please make sure you jump on over to my original blog post to enter. Your comments for entry will only count there.
Today’s giveaway is sponsored by President’s Choice Organics Baby, who has been gracious enough to provide you with the $100 gift card and me with some goodies for the past few months. Thanks!