Normally I’m good at this. I am good at finding the energy to do all this Mommy-stuff. But, over the past couple of days, I have been overwhelmed by an all consuming exhaustion. My entire body feels as heavy as my eyelids. My movements are slow. My head is foggy. I feel as though I could crumple into a limp little pile of wasted mommy on the floor and just stay there – all crumpled and collapsed.
There is so much to do during the day. The floor needs to be swept and washed. The dishwasher needs to be unloaded and loaded. The laundry needs to get started. The baby needs his diaper changed, he needs his oatmeal in the morning, his lunch and his dinner. He needs to be calmed down and put down for naps. He needs to be played with, sang to. Supper has to be cooked. The husband needs to be loved.
Not that I’m complaining – I’m really not. Being a Mom is an amazing experience, a rewarding and fulfilling job. I just don’t think I’m very good at juggling all these job requirements.
This week I realized that in any job, a worker is entitled to her coffee breaks and lunch breaks. It is in those brief few minutes of quiet and relaxation and self-preservation that one is able to re-energize and reorganize. I realized that even though I do a job that never stops, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take the time to sit in the quiet, enjoy a cup of coffee, and take some time to read.
So, I’m sorry if the dishes are still in the sink. I’m sorry if the floor has some dust. I’m sorry if there is a pile of laundry in my hall. But, it is in these times – these little moments when Cameron naps and I sit and breathe and relax that I find myself again. In these brief moments, I am enjoying who I am. When I do that, I can jump up when my baby cries, knowing that I love being a Mom, that I love my son, and that I am doing the best job I know how.