L-A: Hello! I’ve decided to introduce a new sporadic feature:

Stop trying to make fetch happen.

It’s never going to happen.

The Meggings Edition

So, it was brought to my attention yesterday (by our eagle eyed Intern Krista) that “meggings” are a thing that are soon to be sweeping the streets of New York and Europe. While New Yorkers think it is clearly European, the reports are confirming New York City as the hot spot that could be the beginnings of this outbreak.

But let me back it up for one moment and explain the megging. It’s merely a portmanteau of man + leggings. They are man leggings. Or, put in terms that actually make (non-gendered) sense: leggings that happen to be worn by dudes. Like this guy.

God, I wish I took this photo.

So here’s the thing:

1. Megging is the dumbest word ever.

Dumber than Brangelina. Dumber than Speidi. Dumber than Smize. Don’t use it. Just call them leggings.

2. That outfit isn’t the worst.

Overalls would be the worst. Overalls with a turtleneck would be even more horrid. I mean, I don’t love it, but it’s not the worst. I do appreciate that he’s chosen a sweater and shirt long enough to cover his man bits. Because no one needs this walking down the street on a Monday morning.

3. If it must happen, the same rules apply: Leggings Are Not Pants

Not far off from point number two: cover yer bits, leggings wearers. Both men and women should heed this rule. You are wearing a thin layer of lycra, not a pair of pants. So unless you are dancing professionally, you need to think of leggings as a layer underneath a longer garment.

4. Comfort is not king

I believe anyone who tells me that leggings are more comfortable than skinny jeans. Of course they are. That’s a no brainer. I’m wearing leggings as I type this and they’re damn comfy. But guess what? They’re in-house-only. Like pajama pants and a lot of stretchy athletic wear, they are comfortable, but they also have a time and a place. My TOMS with the hole in the toe are comfortable, but I don’t wear them to meetings. My hoodie is comfortable, but I don’t wear it to a cocktail party.

The real point is: if your pants are so uncomfortable that you’re considering leggings, then you just need a better fitting pair of pants.

5. You best have the legs to pull this off

Think long and hard before you head out the door in those leggings. Look at yourself in the mirror. No. Really look. Do you look like an idiot? Do you legs look like tree trunks wrapped in lycra? Or worse, spindly sticks? Or do they look like the legs of the fellows in the previous images? Because if you don’t have the legs of a professional dancer, keep them under the cover of a roomier pair of pants. Or at least under something with a bit more form, like skinny jeans.

6. Just because you made up a dumb word, doesn’t mean it’s a thing.

Ally: Can I love his shoes? I LOVE HIS SHOES.