The second episode of Survivor: One World was certainly more interesting than the unfortunate premiere, but after watching the women make complete fools of themselves I know one thing for sure: The women either need to get their act together, or the tribes need to be shaken up after a few weeks — if not, we could be looking at a Survivor: Palau situation.

Now, before we dive into the recap I’m sure you’re all dying to know who Rob and I got in the office Survivor pool. We got…Kim! I’m very happy with this. She was our third choice (My top five rankings were Bill, Chelsea, Kim, Jay, Sabrina) and I think she could go far in the game. Fingers crossed, please!

DIY Challenge

The women returned from hearing the news about Kourtney to be greeted by the men, who kindly informed them that they’d tended to the fire while they were away. OK. Nice, right? Kat didn’t think so, because the fire is her job. What? Kat. It’s not like they were applying for your job. They’re not even on your tribe. You were at Tribal Council, they kept your fire going. If you ask me, that’s too nice. I would’ve thrown a bucket of water on it and called it a night.

Christina, Monica and Kim

Before going to bed, Christina pulled Alicia aside and asked if they could clear the air. They said a lot of generic things along the lines of “I wasn’t trying to offend you” and “I’m sorry if you took it that way” and “What you said came off as rude.” Classic passive-aggressive girl bickering. Alicia gave Christina a “Don’t even worry about it, girl!” hug and then immediately told the camera “Please. If I saw her swimming in the ocean and she was drowning I’d probably look the other way.” Ready? These are words I’m sure I’ll be saying alllllll season: This woman is a special needs teacher!

The women decided they needed a tribe leader and nominated Sabrina. I like Sabrina, but now I’m glad I didn’t get her in the pool. Tribe leaders often end up with big targets on their backs, and leading this tribe will be more difficult than herding cats. Proving that she has the emotional intelligence and sense of responsibility of a 13 year old, Kat shirked her duty of finding food and went to hang out in the water with Alicia, gushing “Do you think we’re like, in so much trouble right now because we’re not doing anything?” Well, you’re not going to get sent to the principal’s office if that’s what you’re worried about, Kat, but you *might* starve to death.

And then it was time for the Do-It-Yourself challenge. Who knew Jeff Probst and his “Come on in, guys!” were such valuable aspects of Survivor? I don’t know why they keep trying this idea of a host-less challenge, but I think it sucks. Without Probst’s play-by-play, it was very difficult to tell who was truly in the lead during the challenge. For a reward of a tarp, the tribes had to untie a bunch of rope from a large ring. At first it seemed like the ladies had it, but alas, the men came out on top again.

Odd One Out

I would not watch “Colton’s World”

We need to talk about Colton. I cannot stand this kid. He’s obnoxious, arrogant, entitled, whiny…I could go on, but I’m sure you get it. Colton has painted himself as the victim in this game, but he’s only a victim of his own stupidity. So you don’t like your tribe? You don’t feel like you fit in? Too bad! Suck it up! This is Survivor, not summer camp.

Not only is Colton supremely lazy when it comes to doing work around camp, but he doesn’t even want to hang out around his own camp. While all the guys were working on stuff, he was actually trying to help the women with their shelter! What? What is wrong with you? This is absolutely the best way to make sure you’re voted out first. And not only is he doing everything in his power to alienate himself from his own tribe, but Colton’s behavior is annoying the women as well. They actually had to tell him to leave, more than once.

Colton thinks he is OK because he has the immunity idol and he thinks he’s in with the women. Well the idol will only save you from one tribal council, buddy, and the women can’t help you until you make it to the merge. So right now, your focus should be getting to the merge. (I think there will be a tribe shuffle at some point before the merge, but one can’t count on that.)

At least Colton did manage to forge himself a little alliance, by showing the idol to Troy and Jonas. Was he inspired by Tarzan’s banana-hammock dance? Who knows. At least he has finally acknowledged that in Survivor, you are sometimes required to associate with people you would not normally be friends with. Now they’re hoping that they have an alliance of five (Colton, Troyzan, Tarzan, Jonas and Leif) that will be able to pick off the stronger dudes. But fortunately for them, we didn’t get to see that plan in action this week.

What a Boob

Immunity challenge time! This challenge was simple, but provided a lot of drama and tension. The tribes would have to line up on a balance beam and, one at a time, cross it passing everyone else on the tribe to get to a platform. The twist was that you could only be touching one person at a time.

For the guys, the challenge was a breeze. For the women, not so much. They were brought down by a combination of stupidity and large breasts, both real and fake. The problem, no surprise to anyone, was Kat. Not only did Kat absolutely suck at the challenge, but she jumped into the water twice when she didn’t have to. Just sucking at the challenge could have been forgivable, since Christina also blew it. The only person to make it all the way through was Monica. But Kat is Just. So. Dumb.

Kat’s incompetence brought out divisions in the tribe (mostly based on age) that had been simmering all along. Monica was diplomatic in voicing her disappointment, saying “I’m sad. I’m sad for women. This isn’t what women are. Frankly, I’m so embarrassed.” Nina wasn’t so polite, saying “Kat, you jumped in the water twice. You dumb blond. Twice! Quit being such a dumb broad.” Now, normally I’d say Nina’s words were a bit harsh. But then Kat farted on Alicia as a joke. Farted on her! That is so gross.

Kat’s dismal performance in the challenge and her immature behavior around camp caused Chelsea and Kim to question their Day One alliance. They were tempted to save Nina and vote out Kat instead, but they didn’t want to lose the trust of the rest of their alliance. I knew they wouldn’t go for it. I think Chelsea and Kim are both smart, savvy women. It was too early to turn on their own alliance, and I don’t think Alicia would have been willing to cut Kat loose just yet.

Tribal Trials

At Tribal Council, Jeff Probst was scathing in his comments to the women. “You’re off to one of the worst starts ever in this game because of the absolute and total dysfunction within this group,” he sneered. Seriously, Probst? It’s only the second tribal council, and I don’t think Kourtney’s broken wrist can be attributed to the dysfunction within the group. I’ve always been annoyed at how Probst seems to openly favor the “golden boy” stereotype in this game (i.e. Colby 1.0), and in this all-female tribe he seems more condescending than ever.

Probst also asked Nina if the tribe was aware of her background, which I thought was out of line. Um, what if the answer had been “No”, Probst? Are people not allowed to lie about their professions anymore? In this case Nina tried to use her experience as an L.A. cop to her advantage, but in pre-show interviews she said she might not share that information. Had Probst blown my cover, I’d be mad. Kat was also asked about the experience she brings to the table, and she mumbled something about selling things outside and then said she only tries things she knows she’ll succeed at. What a winner! Should I assume she majors in Farting at college, then?

However, the tension within the tribe is palpable and eventually both Chelsea and Sabrina admitted that if they could have a do-over, they’d form a different alliance. I knew the women would still vote out Nina because, frankly, Nina is older and not that much of an asset. But if I were Monica, I’d play my cards very carefully. There is enough discontent within this alliance that I can see Sabrina, Kim and Chelsea opting to ditch Kim in favor of a woman who is much smarter and physically fit – so, Monica.

As expected, Nina was voted out of the tribe. I felt bad because she hadn’t really done anything to deserve it, but there just wasn’t enough about Nina to warrant keeping her over Kat. Had the decision come down to Monica vs. Kat I think it would have been different, but neither Nina or Christina have made overwhelmingly integral contributions to the tribe.

The women really need to pull it together, but based on the scenes from next week I’m not sure that’ll happen. They’re back to begging the boys for fire embers, and Chelsea – one of the seemingly toughest gals on the tribe – is sobbing in the shelter during a rainstorm about how cold she is.

What do you guys think? Good episode? Can the women recover from a rough start, or are they doomed?

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