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Survivor – Masculine Tomfoolery

tribe

The Madeline Tribe, or whatever

Wow. I just finished watching Survivor, and I have no idea what happened there. Last minute strategies, wheeling-and-dealings and power plays were all so hectic that I’m having a hard time piecing together what just happened! Let’s work together on this one, shall we? Let’s take the episode from the top, and then head to the comments section with your thoughts on what just happened.

With Corinne getting voted off last week, you’d think the bros would be feeling a little nervous about their fledgling alliance. After all, they were looking pretty outnumbered to me. Dawn, Cochran, Andrea, Phillip and Sherri seem like a solid five, and the rest hadn’t had much luck in wooing Brenda or Erik to cross over. But Malcolm was feeling optimistic. He’d lost his closest ally in Corinne, but that meant no one left in the game knew about his Hidden Immunity Idol.

Bro To Hell

reward 2

Cochran (above), Malcolm (below)

The Reward Challenge was fun. In two teams, players had to jump into the water and throw a ball into a net, while one player acted as a goalie. Erik, Eddie, Reynold, Michael and Cochran comprised the winning team, and got to go on a day trip to rappel down a waterfall and enjoy a picnic.

As if being part of the winning team in a physical challenge (and scoring a point!) wasn’t enough, Cochran then got to engage in MORE physical activity in rappelling down the waterfall. This was huge! After all, he’s the guy who was afraid to take his sweatervest off the first time he went on Survivor. Even now, it’s major. As Cochran said, “I rarely leave my apartment — I rarely leave Twitter.” I hear ya, buddy.

The picnic was a real sausage-fest, with Reynold and Co. attempted to convince Cochran to join an all guys alliance. I can’t believe Reynold was dumb enough to try and pitch “let’s take the muscle to the end” to COCHRAN. Has he MET Cochran? Come on. I mean, “Bro down?” Bro to hell.

Now, I played this one part of the conversation back many times, and I still am not 100% sure I heard it correctly. But if Reynold said what I think I heard, there may be a new Hall of Infamy entry for the most offensive thing ever said on Survivor.

“Hope’s gone, so there’s no women worth f—-ing anyways.” Is this a thing Reynold said? Is that what you guys heard? It’s what I heard. If so, it is disgusting and offensive on about a million levels. And the response to this obnoxious comment should NOT be “Andrea and Brenda are also hot.”

Thank god for Cochran, who made my night by privately laughing at the insanity of Reynold’s proposition. Of course, none of this macho crap appealed to Cochran. The line of the night? “I don’t want to be engaging in any masculine tomfoolery with any of these numbskulls.” Amazing.

Island Dating?

dawn

Last week, Corinne got voted out after she tried to pull Dawn into a new alliance. It was not Corinne’s only mistake, but it was one of her biggest ones. But presumably, Malcolm didn’t know that and this week he did the exact same thing.

I think the true mistake here is that everyone sees Dawn as a sweet pushover. They think they can come to her and say “We have this new alliance, you should join it” and that Dawn will go along with them. But Dawn is playing a smarter game than that. The way Corinne and Malcolm approached Dawn, with a new alliance basically fully-formed, suggested that she would be on the bottom of the new alliance. And that’s not good enough for Dawn 2.0.

malcolm02

Malcolm made a huge miscalculation in who he chose to try and bring on board to the new alliance. Sherri? Seriously? A) The time for that, if it was ever going to happen, was last week. You know, before they ALL tried to vote her out. B) Sherri did NOT get along with Eddie and Reynold on the Fans tribe. They tried to vote her out. She was embraced by the Favorites, and she had no reason to go running back to the very people who’d wanted her out of the game from the get-go.

Had Malcolm given up hope on Erik? What is Brenda’s deal? Those two are getting such ghost edits that it’s impossible to tell whether they would have been the correct players for Malcolm to try and woo. But trying to bring Dawn in without Cochran just felt like a dumb play.

Meanwhile, Eddie and Andrea started to have a West Side Story type romance – one alliance being the Sharks, the other the Jets. Honestly, Andrea, what the hell? Last time it was Matt the Jesus Freak, this time it’s Eddie the Shallow Firefighter. Can’t you go on Survivor and NOT made goo-goo eyes at some guy? Stop letting feelings influence your game! Get it together!

It’s Getting Harder and Harder To Breathe

The Immunity Challenge was a classic. Every player had to remain under a metal grate as water levels rose, until they’d basically be holding their breath. The last player remaining would win. First out was Phillip, followed by Sherri and, surprisingly, Erik. For a good swimmer he kind of sucked in this challenge. Then Dawn, Malcolm and Michael bailed.

immunity

The Immunity Challenge

It was close for a while, and then the remaining dudes dropped out at once – Eddie, Cochran and Reynold. I was impressed that only Andrea and Brenda remained, but this challenge was practically tailor-made for Brenda. She owns a paddle-board company, and her ease in the water was obvious. As everyone panicked, one by one, Brenda remained completely calm. Eddie had to jump back in the water to tell her she’d won. Very impressive.

Madness

Ooooooh-K. After the Immunity Challenge, it looked like the plan was for Dawn and Sherri to make Malcolm THINK they were with him, while really planning to vote him out along with the rest of their alliance. Malcolm, while annoyed by Phillip, was convinced that Andrea was the ringleader and wanted to vote her out. It was a nice try, but Malcolm was getting played by the REAL ringleader – Dawn. Dawn even convinced them to have Reynold show her his Hidden Immunity Idol.

andrea03

Andrea

However, Loverboy couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut. Eddie went to Andrea and told her that her name was on the chopping block. At least, I *think* that’s what happened in that conversation. It was too confusing to follow, because it was all layers of flirtation and lies. The best was when Eddie implied that Reynold might play an Idol, which would possibly send Eddie home. Andrea assured Eddie that he wouldn’t be going home, but perhaps in doing that she hinted too much (by promising that it was not Reynold, but saying nothing when asked about Malcolm) that Malcolm would be getting their votes.

Andrea freaked out after learning that her name was being thrown around, and rushed to tell everyone in her alliance to switch to a safer vote. There was no way Michael would have a Hidden Immunity Idol, so they should all vote for him. The other alliance members were hesitant, and when we went into Tribal Council I honestly had no idea what was happening.

Payback’s a Bitch

At Tribal Council, Phillip announced (amid many an eye roll) that Sherri had been inducted into the “Stealth ‘R Us” organization. I don’t love Sherri’s personality, but she has been playing the game well. She led the majority alliance on her old tribe, and post-merge she’s kicking Reynold and Eddie’s butts.

Everyone voted. Probst asked for any Hidden Immunity Idols. I was sure Reynold wouldn’t play his, but he stood up and… HANDED IT TO MALCOLM! This was amazing for so many reasons, the first being that Malcolm secretly has his own Idol. The second, Malcolm voted for Reynold! Madness! And, how did they know that everyone was supposed to be voting Malcolm? Was it Eddie’s conversation with Andrea, or something else?

The votes were read: Three for Andrea, one for Reynold and the rest for Michael. Even if Malcolm had voted for Andrea, Michael still would have been eliminated, but I’m curious why he made that decision.

I thought Andrea was being a crybaby when she asked everyone to switch to voting for Michael, and I still think she played sloppily this week. But it did save her butt, and hopefully she can get her act together, focus on what’s important and keep her head in the game from now on.

OK, your turn! Take to the comments and tell me what you thought.

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