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Survivor – Red, White & Blue

Welcome back to Survivor and Team Merica. Over on Team Merica, everyone is “cool, calm and collective”. Even though there is some kind of dispute over food distribution – but Rodney talks such nonsense, I never got a grasp on what that dispute was.

Everyone was in a tizzy after Jenn played her Idol to stay in the game, but the No Collars and their Honorary Member Shirin would need to swing a couple more votes back their way if they wanted to change the game. Or, they’d need to find another Hidden Immunity Idol.

Pizza Party

The Reward Challenge required players to move along a balance beam untying bags. The first three to finish would have to solve a puzzle to win. Joe, Mike and Hali made it to the second round, and Joe won Reward.

The prize was a cool ziplining canopy tour, followed by a pizza picnic. Joe played his cards exactly right and selected Tyler, Will and Carolyn to accompany him – the three players in the game most likely to flip. (I’d still love to know why Will jumped ship in the first place.) Probst told Joe he could bring one more person, and Joe looked like he was thinking “No! This was perfect!” Sierra seems like a possible swing vote, but she’s also part of the Blue Collar alliance so Joe probably wasn’t sure if he could trust her. Plus, Hali and Jenn could work on her back at camp. Joe selected Shirin, a passionate Survivor super-fan.

There was some kind of skirmish with Rodney, again, over food. Everyone thinks he eats the most. He thinks he doesn’t. He’s just “keeping it real”. Jenn f—ing hates him.

“I wish I had more soda.”

During the Reward, Joe almost immediately spotted the Hidden Immunity Idol clue, inside a bottle of soda that Carolyn was drinking. “I was I had more soda,” he nonchalantly said. Boom! Carolyn handed over the bottle, which Joe chugged. Unfortunately, there was no smooth way to drink the clue. Tyler saw.

If I were Joe, I would not have shared the clue with Tyler. Joe thought it would help them bond, but Tyler wasn’t trustworthy enough. He’s in the other alliance. Maybe try and tell him you have the Idol so you can convince him to vote with you. But do NOT share the clue, even if he knows you’ve got it.

Tyler went and told Mike the clue, and there was a mad dash to find the Idol. I was really, really hoping Joe would have it. The guy is super likable and a great player, but without protection he’s toast. The target on his back is bigger than ‘Murica itself.

Unfortunately, Joe didn’t have the Idol. And Mike cleverly announced to the entire tribe that Joe had found the Idol, just to make that target even bigger. Mike was in actual tears over trying to find the Idol, and I have to hand it to the guy – he never stopped searching. Eventually, he found it. “People who find Idols in this game are the people who are working hardest in this game,” Mike sobbed. Ugh, there’s that blue collar industrious spirit again. I mean, let’s be fair Mike – historically, Idols have not been that hard to find. Russell Hantz found them with his eyes closed.

I don’t think it was wise of Tyler to share the Hidden Immunity Idol clue with Mike. Now Mike has the Idol, and what does Tyler have? Nothing. He’s still at the bottom of his alliance.

Dan The Man

UGH, let’s talk about what an AWFUL human being Dan is. I’ll start with the words “Just slap her and shut her up, already.” This is a thing Dan said about Shirin. Dan has mud for brains. He speaks without thinking. He doesn’t respect women. I wondered if he would watch this show back and think “Wow, I sound like a real jerk.” But I bet he won’t. Because he is scum of the earth.

Dan sat in the water with Shirin and insulted her, hurling criticism after criticism, because he was  “being nice”. He was offering advice, I guess. And mocking her for being a fan of the show who “can’t do basic math”, because Shirin is in the minority alliance. Does Dan understand how this game works? If every single person said “Well, I guess I’ll just vote with the majority! That should work!” there would be no game. It doesn’t work that way, because human beings have personalities and they have opinions on one another. Like, not very many people like Shirin because she’s weird. So Shirin can’t just mosey on up to the majority alliance and say “Hello, I’m one of you now.” Sure, they’d let her vote with them for awhile – and then once the No Collars were gone, she’d be the first one voted out.

Shirin just sat there and took Dan’s abuse. I know everyone thinks she’s annoying and I believe that she is, but I still like Shirin.

Not-So-Average Joe

The Immunity Challenge was a series of three sliding mazes, and a sliding puzzle. Shirin thought she had a pretty good shot at winning, but a computer scientist at the top of her field has nothing compared to a jewelry designer with great hair and killer dimples. That’s right, folks – JOE WON AGAIN!

Joe is unstoppable, and he needs to be – he’ll be out the second he loses. I hope he keeps that necklace in his possession for as long as possible, because I like the guy. You know who I don’t like? Dan! So I cackled with glee when he got the puzzle wrong not once, but TWICE! What a dummy! How could he have thought that was correct?

“I’m not too concerned.”

When Shirin declared that she wasn’t concerned about getting voted out because others view her as a weak player, I thought her hours were numbered. Those are the famous last words, Shirin! Never utter them! But Mike came to her rescue. Though everyone else wanted to vote out Shirin, he thought Hali would be a smarter choice. And he was right – from his standpoint, going after Joe’s right-hand gal was the best move.

There was a sliver of hope, though. Shirin told Hali, Jenn and Sierra about her awful conversation with Dan, and that reminded Sierra of how much she hates him. There was talk of an all-girl alliance (plus Joe) and I was over the moon. Yes! It would be so great. But the problem was, they needed one more. Shirin, Hali, Jenn, Sierra and Joe was not enough to take down the alliance of Mike, Rodney, Dan, Will, Carolyn and Tyler.

I was surprised they didn’t go for Will here. He’s weak, why would he want to be teamed up with all those bros? Does he really hate his former tribe that much? Carolyn was a no-go, because she hates Shirin. So they approached Tyler. The argument was a strong one – snatch some power away from the Blue Collars. Dan and Mike are tight, and he’ll never make it to the top with them in charge. Personally, I think Tyler should’ve gone for it.

At Tribal Council, Dan declared “Flippers never win”, and Shirin took him down with a Survivor: Cagayan reference. Tony the lying cop was NOT my favorite player, but he proved Shirin’s point: flippers win All. The. Time. Hali jokingly pointed out that their tribe is named after America, which wouldn’t exist had the colonists not flipped on the British. Ha! LAWYERED.

I was so disappointed when the votes were read and Hali was voted out. Even though I have Dan in the office pool, I wanted him to be kicked out. My husband has Hali, so her sticking around would have still benefited the household. And I’m truly rooting for Joe – this isn’t good for him. He needs to win win win, every week!

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