By now you guys probably know that I’m all kinds of obsessed with CMT’s Sweet Home Alabama. It has everything I could possibly want out of a reality TV dating show – a good looking guy, hilarious lady-drama, low-key Southern dates and an endless parade of cute floral dresses paired with cowboy boots. Take a look in my wardrobe and you can see why I love this show.

Ponies!

The episode kicked off with Tribble taking all sixteen women on a date to a pony farm. Ranch. Stable. Whatever it’s called. Anyway, it was another great opportunity to make all the city girls look like idiots for wearing stilettos 24/7, but a few of the rich girls apparently grew up owning ponies. I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.

The girls had to muck stalls and wash ponies (ponies!!) and Ashley Ann took that opportunity to show off to Tribble by, well, making sure the ponies got good and clean in their, er, private areas. It was disgusting, to say the least.

So let’s talk about Miss Ashley Ann Vickers. All the girls hate her, including her fellow country girls. Apparently she’s “fake”, which anyone who’s watched five minutes of reality TV knows is the absolute worst thing you can be. I can’t attest to that, but she sure is conceited and annoying. So I don’t care for her either. But she puts on a show every time Tribble is around (OK, maybe I see where the “fake” thing is coming from) so he’s into her.

The most annoying thing about Ashley Ann? She thinks she’s the prettiest girl in the house. Oh, honey, no. First of all? If you ARE the prettiest girl there, you never acknowledge it. That’s just ugly. Second of all, come on dear – have you been introduced to Cassie? Get real.

After playing with pretty, pretty ponies, everyone went swimming. That was basically just an opportunity for all the girls (and, let’s face it, most of the viewers at home) to drool over Tribble with his shirt off. Yeah yeah, OK, I guess he’s not hard on the eyes…

While on the date at the stables, Hailey took Tribble aside and told him about her messy history with Jon Gosselin. Tribble acted like a gentleman about it, but you could tell he wasn’t too comfortable. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t be keeping her around.

S’mores!

After the group outing, Tribble asked Tiffany to join him for a campfire date. She was really excited, and it seemed like they had a good connection. Tiffany is in the army reserves, and Tribble couldn’t say enough about how much respect he has for what she does.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s the frontrunner in this competition!

The next day, Tribble went on a date with Cassie. Um, did I call that or what? 

Last week: “One of the girls who really stands out to be as being sweet and genuine is Cassie – the country girl, not the spandex-clad pop star. When the girls were busy bickering over hunting vs. veganism she was just trying to stay out of the drama, and she seems to find the whole experience of vying for Tribble’s attention a little overwhelming. I couldn’t believe that Cassie would feel like she wasn’t standing out in the crowd when she’s the most gorgeous girl there, but even Tribble noticed that she was fading into the background. At the end of the episode he had to send four girls packing, and Cassie was the first girl Boyd came calling for. Cassie told Tribble she really wants to be there, and he kept her around. She seems like a nice, smart, down-to-earth girl and I really think Tribble should go on an actual date with her so he can get to know her.”

Cassie clearly got the best date of anyone so far – she and Tribble went for a ride in a teeny-tiny-terrifying airplane and then had a picnic. I was glad to see Cassie actually get a chance to talk without having to compete for attention with some of the more overbearing girls. (coughashleyanncough)

Jealousy!

Cassie returned to the house all smiley and giggly, so it was clear to her BFF Tara that she’d had a good time. Unfortunately Cassie also returned to some awkward drama in the house.

While Cassie was on her date, Tara had said something along the lines of “Hey you guys, isn’t Cassie so beautiful and a totally great person? She’s definitely going to win.” Is that a good sentiment to voice in a house filled with women all competing for the same dude? No! Of course not. But it’s not like Tara was saying she was going to win. She just really digs her BFF. So why get all up in arms? Oh right, because all the girls know there may be a grain of truth to the statement and they got jealous.

Obviously, the real victim here was Cassie. The poor girl had to stand there awkwardly while a bunch of girls argued over whether she’s the prettiest, nicest and all around best girl in the house. Uncomfortable.

Another Four Bite The Dust

At the end of the episode, Tribble had to send home four women. And I’ve got to say, this time the results rather surprised me.

First of all, Tiffany told him she was excusing herself from the competition. This is the girl who squealed with delight when she was selected for a date, and that date seemed to go well. Hardly any explanation was offered, but Tribble didn’t seem very surprised. It was weird.

Moving on, what does Tribble have against education majors? What gives, dude? When Boyd selected cutie-pie Michelle and Torie to come talk to Tribble, I thought they’d be getting some kind of date. Torie is really pretty and seemed nice and normal, and Michelle was the most country-like of all the city girls and seemed really sweet. But Tribble sent them home! Honestly, how could he send home these girls when Kristina with a K is still kicking around? Also, super weird that both girls are studying elementary education, right? Did Tribble have a really hard time in school or something?

The last girl Tribble sent home was Hailey Glassman, and there was no surprise there. Look, maybe she really is a nice, decent person. I question anyone who falls for a guy who has eight kids, married someone as terrifying as Kate Gosselin and wears Ed Hardy clothing. I mean, if the Ed Hardy thing doesn’t set your douche-o-meter off, I really don’t know what will. If you do a Google image search of “Jon Gosselin Hailey Glassman”, he looks like an a–hole in every single photo that pops up. Seriously. All of them. And she doesn’t look so hot herself. Tribble knows what The Internets is, so it’s no surprise that he played it safe and sent Hailey home.

Before the end of the night, Tribble also sent Boyd to retrieve Ashley Ann for him. She greeted him with “Are you sendin’ me packin’, Tribble?” Barf. That girl tries so hard to be endearing that she must be exhausted. I’m exhausted just watching her. Of course, Tribble hasn’t caught on to this yet so he asked Ashley Ann to go on a date with him and show him a thing or two about barrel racing, which she does for a living. So we have that to look forward to.

OK, please tell me you guys have been watching this show! Who are you rooting for? And, omigod most importantly of all, who is the prettiest girl in the house? (Eyes rolling back into my head…)

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