I really wasn’t expecting much under the tree this year. Thankfully, I moved beyond worrying what I was receiving long ago when Christmas started to lose its magic for me. I realized that Christmas would always be disappointing until I learned to focus on the joy of giving and the blessing of those surrounding me.
Plus, I had already received my “big” gift from my husband this year.
You see, this year I really wanted a Kobo Vox eReader tablet. I’m not the type of person who just goes out and buys the latest technology so I asked for it for Christmas. My husband, after being convinced by a co-worker, decided that part of my “Christmas” gift would be for me to experience being an early adopter so I had my very own pink Vox in my hands the day it was released. I’ve therefore been playing with my Christmas gift for the last two months.
Needless to say, my Christmas morning anticipation had more to do with experiencing the joy with my twenty-one month old son than which packages had my name on it underneath my parent’s beautiful Christmas tree.
Christmas morning was perfect. My parents and siblings loved the gifts we picked out for them. My gift for my husband didn’t entirely suck as it normally does. And Cameron was absolutely incredible. He enjoyed each gift he opened before moving on to the next. He didn’t have any post-excitement breakdown as we were expecting. His little being radiated Christmas joy.
As for my presents? I was happy. I received a few things that I need/wanted (a new alarm clock, a power cord for my netbook, a housecoat) and some items that I loved but would not usually splurge on for myself (MAC makeup, a heated blanket, a Starbucks gift card, a favourite video game). But my feeling of satisfaction stemmed from being with my family and the excitement bursting out of the little boy beside me. No gift could overshadow that, especially considering I had been using my really exciting gift for two months already.
But then, my husband handed me my last gift. It was from him. I was sure it would be something little to act as a filler gift since his real gift to me has been opened months ago. I unwrapped the packaged and pried the tape off the cardboard box. Opening the box revealed a much smaller box within. A jewellery box.
I was confused. Dan had already given me my big gift. And normally I have a pretty good idea of the things I will be given based on what I have asked for. Looking at this box, my mind drew a complete blank. My husband had given me something that I had not at all expected.
As I lifted up the cover to the jewellery box, tears filled my eyes. I don’t know if I have ever been so overwhelmed by a gift before. Even my engagement ring had not elicited such emotion from me.
Sitting on the little velvet bed, held in place by a cream coloured ribbon, were two little angel charms for my Pandora bracelet.
People have told me that naming their miscarried babies is a good way to help commemorate these children as part of the family. I have never been able to do this though. No name ever fit for a child that I only ever saw in my imagination. I knew that eventually I would do something to memorialize these children and find a special way to demonstrate their importance in our family, but I never had found the right way yet. I marked two due dates this year silently in my heart with no outward expression of remembrance.
My husband knew all this and so he found a way to commemorate our little lost babies. My bracelet already contain charms that remind me of my husband and my son. And now, thanks to this gift, my two little babies who never got a chance to meet me or their Dad and brother, have a way to be counted as part of our family.
And that was more amazing than any gift I could have possibly imagined.