It’s official – I’m slowly losing interest in The Celebrity Apprentice. It’s too long, there are too many better TV shows on right now, and Donald Trump is too freaking annoying. This should be an hour-long reality television show aired during the summer months and the pompous host should never, ever utter anything about Obama, birth certificates, or running for president. Then I’d actually watch every week, rather than letting four hours of this thing pile up until I finally play the episodes while simultaneously flipping through People Magazine and marveling over how pretty Jennifer Lopez is.
But I started it, so I might as well finish it. So here is my extra belated, double-whammy version of The Five Wacky Wonders of The Celebrity Apprentice:
- Goodbye. Gary Outlandish Oddball Delusional Busey You Eccentric. OK, so I am obviously not as good at making up Busey-isms as Busey himself is, but I tried. Two weeks ago we said goodbye to Gary Busey on The Celebrity Apprentice, and the show will never be the same. I knew it was over from the moment he took on the role of project manager. Unfortunately, the Omaha Steaks task was kind of a snooze. Luckily, it at least involved Gary making a presentation, so we all got to have some laughs.
- Meat Loaf can’t cook. One of Busey’s biggest mistakes was assigning Meat Loaf to the task of cooking when he apparently cannot cook. Can you blame him? The guy’s name is Meat! It’s a task about Meat! Making Eating Animals Tasty! How could he not be able to cook? Or perhaps Gary was just acting as a saboteur, as John Rich had suggested – what’s the Busey-ism for overestimating someone’s mental capacity?
- Cat fights. Man, those women can argue. NeNe vs. La Toya. Star vs. La Toya. NeNe vs. Star. It was impossible to keep track of which women are friends and which aren’t. Star managed to broker peace long enough to complete the task, but as soon as they lost the gloves were off again. Naturally, the most boring person – La Toya – was fired this week. Even though she bombed the task, Trump couldn’t fire Star because she is, well, a star. He couldn’t fire NeNe because she’s entertaining and hadn’t really done anything wrong. And he couldn’t fire Hope because all the women insisted that she’s great (Trump doesn’t believe them because Hope is pretty, and no one can be pretty and competent) and wouldn’t bring her into the boardroom. So he had to fire La Toya.
- Luxury losers. The task this week was to create an ad campaign for Trump’s hotels, and one team seemed to have the advantage. The men are all made of money, yet apparently all regularly stay at the Holiday Inn. Star Jones, however, is all about luxury. The thing was, both teams ended up doing a terrible job. The men’s material was too text-heavy and the women’s material was too cheesy. The men barely scraped out a win, only because you could not do worse than Star’s never-ending pitch. “Elegance. Discretion. Sexy. Indulge. Divine. Fancy. Expensive.” The way the women listed off every thesaurus entry they could find for luxury, it was like getting stuck in a game of Taboo from hell. And “unpretentious”? Not only is “pretentious” the absolute best word to describe Donald Trump, but Star actually admitted that her own pretension would help her out in the task! Poor La Toya was the only one who knew the pitch was cheesy, and she ended up getting canned.
- The most inappropriate comment yet? In the boardroom, NeNe said “I felt like a couple of these girls were crawling up Star’s ass.” And then Trump, the man who wants your vote for president of the United States, interjected with “By the way, much nicer now that she lost all the weight.” Um, WHAT? Who says that? That is way obnoxious and out of line, even for Donald Trump. I’m not surprised he said it, I’m just surprised they let it get to air. Maybe the editor is secretly plotting with Lil Jon to destroy Trump’s bid for presidential candidacy? Speaking of which, I loved how he put everyone on the spot and actually asked if they’d vote for him. I haven’t seen so much nodding and smiling since Gary Busey talked about kites for half an hour. Meat Loaf, naturally, heartily offered to work on Trump’s campaign. I’ve always hated meatloaf as a dish, so why should the person be any different?
With Gary gone and the teams dwindling, it’s going to take a lot for The Celebrity Apprentice to keep my interest. If NeNe goes, no one entertaining will be left. There are competent people, sure. But competency doesn’t hold my attention for two freakin’ hours. What do you think of this season of The Celebrity Apprentice? Is it keeping you entertained?