Today we have a post from a new guest blogger to HRM Parent, Carly Sutherland. Carly is mom to a 1-year-old little boy, and blogs at Top Five Parenting. Thanks for the entertaining post, Carly!

Do two or more of the following statements apply to you?

a) you have to get a Christmas present for your friend’s toddler.
b) you don’t regularly walk around with vomit in your hair.
c) you only know three verses (tops) of wheels on the bus.
d) you like your friend MORE than you like their kid.

Perhaps you might need a bit of guidance.

Following are what could very well be the most annoying toys for the under-two market. Learn from my suffering. I beg of you.

1. The Fisher Price Walker Piano. I won't go into too much detail but I will say that there is a lot of scat (as in shu-bee-do-bob)…in baby voices. Suffice to say, the day that our child is no longer deeply in love with this product, my husband and I plan to head into the backyard with a bottle of wine, a couple of baseball bats, and this beastly toy.

2. Noisy Peekaboo books. They seem like a cute idea, sure. And kids love them. They love them so much, however, that they will lift those little flaps that reveal a horse (NEEEEIIIIGHHH!) or a train (CHOO CHOOOOOO!) about five million times. And you will start getting a teeny bit sick of the book at that point. But then, to make matters worse, the little flaps will tear off, rendering the book hypersensitive to any kind of touch, so every time you bump the book on the shelf it will let out a boisterous BEEP BEEEEEP! or WOOF WOOOOOOF! I eventually had to hide it on the top shelf of the closet, but it will still belch out a distant COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOO if I open the bedroom window and a draft gets in.

3. "The Farmer Says" See n' Say from Mattel, 1983 edition. It has since been discontinued. This the modern version. The pre-recall toy that I have, however, which was once mine as a child, does not have a lever that you pull. Instead, there is a long cord. Similar to a blind cord, in fact. In addition to being a serious choking hazard, you need the brute strength of Hercules to pull the cord, which makes it impossible for a child to operate. Therefore, the child will totter up to you 800 times a day so that you will pull the cord for them. Hours of fun.

4. Balloons from questionable sources. They will fill your entire house with the smell of mothballs and make everyone around them feel a tiny bit high.

5. Elmo's Kids' Favourite Country Songs DVD. Because the only thing more annoying than Elmo is his cousin Elmer, who talks just like Elmo, but says YEEEEE-HA! in a southern accent. A lot.