L-A: This past weekend I was talking to my mom on the phone and she says, “you’d really like the Tour de France.”  My reaction (aside from, “mom is on crack”)  was, “what? You do know who you’re talking to, right?” Because this was the image that flashed through my mind when she said it:

Yep. Dudes riding bikes around France for a month. I had to fight off the boredom coma that was coming on at just the thought. I don’t mean this as a criticism of others who watch and enjoy such sporting events, but here’s the thing about me: I don’t like sports. I don’t watch sports. I don’t follow sports teams or athletes. I have tried to follow tennis, but promptly forgot the rules. I have attended football games while in university, but never bothered to learn the rules (I cheered when everyone else did). The only sports I sort of follow is men’s NCAA basketball.  So watching dudes bike around the French countryside? I don’t care how pretty France is, I’d rather watch grass grow.

But my mom wasn’t on crack at all! She wasn’t talking about the dudes on bikes. She was talking about this:

She does know me after all.  Adorable dresses by Agatha Ruiz de la Prada (whose website is entirely in what I believe is Spanish based on the fact that the only word I recognized was zapatos. Zapatos are shoes and I know this because of a friend making a pun out of zapatos/Zapata). I’m not keen on the romper, but I adore that dress. And dollars to donuts our occasional guest blogger Eden just died at the sight of it. So I bet you’re wondering what the connection is between the dress and the bikers. Well, apparently it was designed for the hostesses/podium girls to wear when they give a matching jersey (the “maillot des pois”) to the dude who wins the King of the Mountains award at the Tour de France. That sounded like a whole lot of nonsense, didn’t it? I know. I barely know what I’m talking about and have relied heavily on Wikipedia to figure out how this stuff works. So here’s what I know: there are hostesses, often called “podium girls” (who are supposed to follow very strict no fraternizing with cyclists rules), who give out special jerseys to the guy who wins the tour (yellow), gets the most points (green), is King of the Mountains (polka dots, of course. Although sounds like a title given to hobbits), and is the best cyclist under 25 (white).  All of this would be of no interest to me except that the French know how to do style. So of course there is a polka dot jersey! and of course the podium girls get cute outfits to match the jerseys the give out. Check it out.

Yellow:

Nothing flashy, just a simple shift dress. But still cute.

Green:

A cute pantsuit. Not something I’d wear per se, but well cut and worn with nice mules.

White:

So I don’t love these dresses, but that’s because I’m generally not a fan of that hemline (I believe it is a “hankie hemline“). But I still appreciate the effort put into making the podium girls look good.

And I don’t know why this guy gets flowers, but I do like those dresses:

The ‘V’ neck is a bit odd, but I still like it. It’s like a deconstructed sailor dress or something.

And finally, my favourite! The polka dots!

2007:

Alas, 2007 was not such a good year to be a polka dotted podium girl. From afar, the skirts are cute, but up close, the whole thing looks ill fitting and bulky in all the wrong places.

2008:

Definitely a good year for the King of the Mountains. There were also blazers to go with those dresses, but I’m not a fan. A little too Day-to-Night Barbie for me. The dresses are too cute on their own to cover them up with a blazer. I want to wear one on a picnic. I like how they matched the earrings to the sash, but without it looking too twee.

Anyway, vive la France for making sports chic.  Thought’s Ally? I have no idea where you’re going to take it from here. Not much of a set up for you.

AllyG: Dude. I love the deconstructed sailor dress. I would totally wear that. I like anything sailor inspired. The other day I went to Motherhood Maternity (don’t click away, I promise I am not going to talk about how “glowing” I am or show belly pics…not that belly pics are not cute, I just am unphotogenic as it is) and purchased what I thought to be an adorable navy and white striped hooded t-shirt. I was not reminded until I tried the outfit on at home that perhaps horizontal stripes whilst pregnant are not your friends. This did not stop me from wearing the shirt to work where I was called a “fat sailor” and a “fat frenchman” by my adorable, yet caustic, colleagues. Where were we? Yes, deconstructed sailor dress. Check. Love.

The only reason I care about the Tour de France is because I care about Lance. Incidentally, I was in Paris one year during the Tour de France. I believe it was in 2005? I was hoping to bump into ol’ “Arms” but alas, no luck. Lance seems nice…

Swooooooooon

The kid can wear the heck out of a suit. Seriously. If you haven’t guessed it already, I am going to take “off-topic” to a whole new level with this post. Let’s talk about Lance’s love life! Yay!

Lance is now with Anna Hansen. I can’t find much info on the web about her, and to be honest, I can’t really be bothered.

Whatevs. She’s sort of cute. Meh.

My fave Lance girlfriend was Kate Hudson. Laineygossip refers to Kate as the “manslinger” which is a term that redefines awesome. They were perfect for eachother. Players getting played. They also dressed alike, which was sort of adorable. I mean, Kate who is better known as a chain smoking, hippy chick was sporting Nike gear on a tennis court.

Cute outfit, non? You know she totally bought it the day before the tennis date. Look how white those sneakers are. BUSTED!

Kate and Lance also dressed alike off the court.

Is she wearing skinny jeans? L-A, are those skinny jeans? Huh. I can’t tell. Loves the sweater though. Very airport “appro” which is where I think they are coming from.

Why did they have to break up??!! She looks SO GOOD here! It pains me to no end. Although that could be the indigestion from the cinnamon bun I just ate (which was as large as my head).

Can we compare if we dare to how Kate Hud looks now that she is dating A-Rod?

Look, I know this is Herve Leger and I am usually a big fan of the bandage dress, but Kate manages to take this look and use it for a casting call for The Real Housewives of New Jersey (which is excellent television viewing btw). She was so natural with Lance. You know?

I believe my work is done here. I have sufficiently made what was an excellent post completely irrelevant. *golf claps*