While I sit here writing this, I assume that most people who are going to read what I’m writing have some interest in a healthy lifestyle. Now in making the assumption that you’re a healthy-ish person reading this, it’s also my assumption that you’re like me and you have something in your lifestyle that is unhealthy and you’d rather people not know about. It could be something as small as sneaking a piece of chocolate every day, eating a cupcake once a day, drinking a litre or five of soda a week or maybe something as big as being a health blogger who smokes on occasion…
YUP, that’s right, I have a big disgusting secret; I’ve been an on and off smoker since I was about 14 years old. I actually had my first cigarette when I was 12 years old when a friend of mine and I stole a cigarette from his parents and went in to the back woods to smoke it.
I didn’t really smoke in high school or junior high too much, just occasionally to try and look cool and at parties I smoked cigars and Colts Mild. But when I was at my unhealthiest, sitting at about 265lbs, I was a pack and a half a day smoker and it’s been something I’ve struggled with since.
Now, I don’t want you all to think that I’m still a fulltime smoker! In fact, I can’t remember the last time that I had a “sober cigarette”, as I call it. I gave-up smoking full time about seven years ago, but unfortunately I haven’t been able to kick the habit 100%. I’m what is known as a social smoker; someone who has a cigarette after a few drinks. If I don’t drink for three weeks, I don’t smoke for three weeks. In the past 7 years, I think the longest I’ve gone without a cigarette is 4 months, drunk or sober.
Let me make this very clear, I don’t want to be a smoker! In fact I think it’s disgusting and I know it’s extremely unhealthy! It’s the last thing on my list of things to stop that were a part of a past life for me. I also think it’s the trigger to my migraines (I just realized this last night). I didn’t start getting migraines until I was 19 and it was around then that I started smoking like a real smoker. How I didn’t put this together before is beyond me.
Before this past weekend I had gone six weeks without a cigarette and Saturday night was officially my last time smoking. We ended up having some drinks (I know I said I was going 2 weeks without beer… that fell through!) and I ended up having a few cigarettes. Sunday, I woke up feeling like ass and yesterday I got a migraine, my first since in the last six weeks. It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure this one out.
There are a million reasons not to smoke and I know what most of them are. I’m someone who is trying to live a healthy lifestyle and help others along the way and I’ve got to lead by example. I’m finally saying enough is enough and that I’m done. I’ve said this almost as many times as there are reasons not to smoke in the first place, but I’m making this publicly known and I’m 100% planning on sticking to it. I want to be able to say “I’m not a smoker anymore”.
So, this is my dirty little unhealthy secret and now you all know it. What’s yours?