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America’s Got Talent: Semi-Charmed Show

Tuesday night’s episode of America’s Got Talent kicked off the semi-finals…which I thought occurred weeks ago, but I guess that was just the quarter-finals. Because this show goes on longer than time itself. Seriously, AGT producers – I’m aging here. Alas, I committed to watching this show this summer and I’m a woman of my word. Plus, at this point it could possibly get interesting. Let’s look at the twelve acts that performed this week.
Anna and Patryk: Well Kate Gosselin, I sure hope you were watching. THAT is how you ballroom dance to “Paparazzi”. I didn’t like the idea of a wild card episode, and I didn’t think that Anna and Patryk deserved a second chance (I’m still not sure I can see them headlining in Vegas) but that was a great performance.
Christina and Ali: Oh god. I’m really over the whole barely-talented but totally inspirational schtick. And frankly, that performance was a train wreck. Seriously, those harmonies could make a group of dying cats sound like the Trans-Siberian Children’s Choir.
Antonio Restivo: I hate magic. I don’t care if he calls it “illusions”, because either way it’s fake. And therefore, not that interesting. I mean, do I want to watch someone sing or dance, or do I want to watch someone pretend to burst into flames? Well, if the singers are Christina and Ali and the dancers are Future Funk then the answer is neither…but the answer is never magic.
Future Funk: Oh dears. That wasn’t even close to good. Just because a kid has a cute afro or mohawk does not mean he’s talented! Sorry, but being adorable is not a talent until you’re 18 years old and trying to flirt your way into a bar.
Taylor Matthews: There is a reason America’s Got Talent should have a shorter season. It’s because way too many mediocre acts, like Taylor Matthews, made it into the semi-finals. The kid is OK, sure. If I saw him at a school talent show, wedged in between a kid burping the alphabet and someone reciting all 50 state capitals, I’d probably be praising him for hours…or minutes, anyway. But he’s on TV, and he’s not good enough.
Connor Doran: This episode of AGT felt very cute and inspiration heavy. It’s very sweet that kite flying helps Connor with his epilepsy, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to do it on national TV or in a Vegas show. If I were a judge, I’d be Piers.
Dan Sperry: I had a couple of problems with Dan’s act. One was that it was kind of boring. Another was that I felt it was a little too easy to figure out and hard to believe. Again, I was with Piers – it was lame. And Dan’s argument about how it was “fun to pretend” was pathetic.
Kristina Young: Oof. Kristina performed the Glee version of “Poker Face” and unfortunately she doesn’t have even a fraction of the voices that Idina Menzel and Lea Michele do. It was just awful. It was sad to see her get three X’s and have to end early, but it was fair.
Arc Attack: Am I the only one who finds this act boring? And what was Helena Bonham Carter doing there? I didn’t like how they pretended to be zombies/weirdos during judging as well.
Michael Grimm: Finally, someone I actually remembered liking. So naturally, he was sick. The poor guy was on an IV before his performance! Talk about pity votes – he should have performed with the IV in. Luckily, he didn’t need the pity votes – he was great. I’d actually buy his songs on iTunes.
AscenDance: This was one of my favorite groups, but they didn’t blow me away with this performance like they had previously. I don’t think they deserved to be X’ed, but the performance fell flat. Howie was right – they shouldn’t have quickened the tempo.
Prince Poppycock: Cool! Prince Poppycock is just so cool. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I want to see more. Poppycock was the overwhelming favorite of the evening, and he deserved it.

So who should stick around? Obviously Prince Poppycock, and I want to see more of Michael Grimm as well. Other than those two acts, it’s slim pickings. Anna and Patryk and AscenDance would round out my four, but I have a feeling at least one “inspirational” act will squeeze through. Who are you rooting for?

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