File under are you effing serious???!!!

AllyG: I don’t even know where to begin. How can I adequately express this massive head tilt. It’s not even a head tilt. My head is effing spinning. Ladies and gentlemen, Lindsay Lohan has been named the official “muse” for the Ungaro Fashion House.

Let’s start with a quote from the Huffington Post.

The Fashion Gods are gagging – and it’s not with glee. Its with complete confusion over the following news: Lindsay Lohan – yes, the actress who can barely get hired for a film – has just been appointed the “Artistic Director” for Ungaro. In the off chance you are not a fashion geek, here is a brief on the house of Ungaro and why it’s haute: the Paris based luxury label was launched by Emanuel Maffeolit Ungaro, an Italian born , French designer. He officially debuted in 1965 with a womenswear collection and steadily expanded to menswear and fragrances. Ungarao went from strength to strength until the 2005 sale of the company to Pakistan born tycoon Asim Abdullah. Since Ungaro’s departure, his namesake company has undergone a series of interesting changes, the most recent of which is Lohan’s hiring. In her new capacity Lohan will work with Ungaro’s new chief designer Estrella Archs to make the brand “younger.”

Are you still with me? Need some brandy for that morning coffee? Lindsay Lohan, folks. Lindsay effing Lohan.

Many of you might remember the talk about Lindsay’s involvement with Ungaro over the summer. The rumours were apparently so legit that Esteban Cortazar, the up-and-coming huge talent and designer for Ungaro for the last three years, walked from the House in protest. Can you blame him? This constitutes Lindsay Lohan’s creative vision:


Lohan’s official title will be “artistic advisor” working hand-in-hand with the new designer Estrella Archs. If I was Archs I would be vomiting up a storm that my announcement has head designer of Ungaro went out in the same release as Lindsay Lohan being appointed “artistic advisor”. Seriously? You work your whole life to be named designer of a well established house to share it with a starlet who is best known for flying down the LA freeway after her assistant’s mother cranked to the high heavens? The release notes that Archs has, “worked for Nina Ricci and Emilio Pucci, under the artistic direction of Christian Lacroix, as well as for Miuccia Prada at Prada upon completing her Master’s degree at Central Saint Martins in London.” Lindsay Lohan appeared in Mean Girls and is most famous for this photo:


She’s just tired from all her artistic visioning/advising. Puppy needs a nap.

Lindsay is obviously pleased that she has been given a paycheque.

“When I say I love fashion, I really do,” she said. “I live and breath fashion and clothing. There are so many designers I really admire and look up to. It’s such a rush for me. There’s this Balmain motorcycle jacket, and when I got one of the few they made without the shoulder pads, I literally screamed. Some people might look at me like I’m crazy or like I’m psychotic, but it makes me really happy.”

Ok. The depressing part is that I actually hear her about the Balmain jacket sans shoulder pads. L-A and I discussed this awesome jacket in a previous post and both of us would love the jacket if it was a little less Dynasty. I do, however, look at Lindsay like she is crazy. Perhaps because she is. I say that with love. We’ve all been there with the drunk twitters (in my day it was the drunk voice mails and drunk emails…man, I remember re-reading those the next morning. Talk about wanting to crawl under the carpet…“YUIO ARE SUHCH A BIG JERJK. WHY DONRT YOU LOVESS ME?” ).

Balmain motorcycle jacket:


Would be better without the shoulder pads, non?

Anyways. Back to Ungaro. I’m actually interested to see what Archs will do with the line. Her previous collections are fairly interesting. I have a lot of love for this number from her Spring 09 line:


I’m not sure if I love it purely for the colour. There’s something about how it drapes the shoulders that appeals to me as well.

These frocks…I’m not so sure about.


Please note the number in white is supposed to be a wearable pearl necklace of sorts…not loving it so much. I also found a video courtesy of the that features other outfits from Archs Spring 09 collection:

Ok….not bad. See? I’m interested to see how she will fit with Ungaro. More importantly, I’m interested to see how much they are paying her to “collaborate” with Lindsay. Seriously, can you imagine Lilo coming to your place of work and giving you input? It’s comedic. How would you even begin to try and take her seriously?

L-A: Sorry I was such a lousy blogger yesterday and didn’t add anything to Ally’s post.  I echo everything she had to say. We really do love all of you and we always love feedback.  I would have added that except my mom and nana were in town for less than 24 hours, which involved a lot of house cleaning, two trips to the airport (which is conveniently located no where near the city), entertaining family for brunch, and a dust allergy gone wild. All in under 24 hours.  Good times. (I kid. It was awesome to get to have my mom over, even if only for a night).  So that’s why I left it up to the heavily pregnant lady to pick up my slack. Like she doesn’t have enough to worry about.

But enough about me. Time to talk about Ungaro losing their collective minds. Or how I nearly choked when I heard that this horrible rumour had indeed come true. The reason behind the move to make everyone’s favourite train wreck an “artistic advisor”? Because “Fashion is becoming boring,” according to Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige. His thinking appears to be that the only way to spice things up at Ungaro is not through good design, but through hiring strung-out has-been celebs.  Some more of his logic: “Celebrities, everybody talks about. They move right, there’s paparazzi. They move left, there’s paparazzi. So what, she crashed her car? I crashed my car 10 times. Just three weeks ago I crashed my car. Nobody cared. By the way, it wasn’t my fault.”

(AllyG: This needs to go down as one of the BEST QUOTES EVER. It will be repeated heavily on this blog from now on. “I crashed my car 10 times. Just three weeks ago I crashed my car…by the way, it wasn’t my fault.” I love this man. Love.)

Oh. okay Mounir buddy. Let’s forget that she crashed her car. Because I wouldn’t want a future employer to hold it against me that I backed my dad’s car up into Pete Thurlow’s parent’s Volvo when I was 17.  Let’s not talk about how she’s probably had more DUIs than birthdays. Let’s not talk about drunk twitters. And let’s not talk about the questionable shots the paparazzi have gotten of her. Oh, and let’s definitely not talk about her movie “career” and how well that’s been going. Let’s just focus on the title “artistic advisor” and how she is completely unqualified to advise anyone on anything remotely artistic. Because let’s review:


Spray-on tan leggings. What?

EXCLUSIVE: Lindsay Lohan & Ali Shopping In Sherman Oaks

Shopping in Sherman Oaks. Not actually headed to the beach or cleaning out the garage.

Or, you know, consistently without pants. And not in a Lady Gaga performance artist kind of way:

lohanungaro_DV_20090909164159 Lindsay Lohan Arriving At The Roxy Lindsay Lohan Shopping in Maui

Righto. So there you have it. She will be advising a woman who has not only studied design, but has worked for some of the top fashion houses in the world and written for Spanish Vogue.  I know that we could all use some outside advice from time to time and that artists like to have a muse, but seriously? Seriously? I cannot ask this enough. This is not a girl who should be giving anyone advice. I feel for poor Estrella Archs who is being mandated to take advice from this hot mess.

Now, I’ll admit, I don’t know tons about Ungaro. In fact, I mostly just know the house exists. Most of the time this blog is a crash course in what’s what in the world of fashion.  That’s because I studied Political Science in my undergrad and we didn’t exactly cover the history of fashion designers. I’m just really good at research.  But looking at some of the recent work by Esteban Cortazar at Ungaro, that described as being true to the legacy of Emmanuel Ungaro, I can see why the CEO would maybe want to hire LiLo as a model for the company. Their clothes kind of fit with her aesthetic, if she were to wear pants. Or not show off her hoo-ha. For example:

00070m 00130m 00440m

Some it is a bit too too much for me, but I could see LiLo in this stuff on a red carpet and I don’t think I’d make fun of her for wearing it. But just because I think I could see her wearing Ungaro doesn’t mean I want to see her have any part in how it’s designed. Because that would be one gigantic mess. Unless, of course, Estrella ignores everything LiLo has to say. Which I hope she does.

So, on that note, let’s focus on something that will cheer us up and not cause us to swear like angry drunk sailors: The return of fall TV! Melrose Place: Soapy and trashy all rolled into one (alas, it was not so hot).  America’s Next Top Model! With only short models! And a girl yelling about how Jesus wants her to be a model! I use all exclamation marks because Top Models only talk in exclamations! That is, when they’re not screaming like banshees! (I’m not sure I understand the short thing. Is this Tyra just accepting that the Top Model winners never actually becoming real top models?) And my favourite: Glee! Kittens, you need to be watching that show. It’s going to be good times. There is rarely enough good, scripted shows on TV, so that’s why I’m all over it.

And news that’ll make Ally happy:


Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born today! Another celebaby with an odd name. But whatevs. Congrats to the Maddens.

AllyG: Dude…”Sparrow”…I’m on the fence on this one. I hated the name Harlow at first as well. Sparrow? Can I accept this? Time will tell.

Jumping in on ANTM chit-chat, I am SO EXCITED FOR THIS SEASON. Although, Amber’s withdrawal (could mean that literally) from the show nearly crushed me. No one loves Jesus as much as Amber does. My fave part of the show was when TyTy selected her as one of the top 14. She nearly crashed to the floor screaming, “I LOVE JESUS”. When Tyra reponded, “I hope you’d still love Jesus if I didn’t pick you…”, Amber cut her eyes (she was certainly not smiling with them) at Ty and screamed…seriously SCREAMED again, “I.LOVE.JESUS.”. To which Ty responded, “Alrighty then”. Classic. You have to watch this season! I have some appts today but I’ll work on a recap for us to share with you peeps tomorrow.


Ally xo

P.S. Dudes, I know you can comment. You comment all the time when we talk about Z-list celebrities. You have no idea the tears I cried when I only received ONE comment yesterday in my plea for ideas for the blog. TEARS OF SADNESS. Did you know that Jamie Lynn Sigler has a song called “Cry Baby”? Guess what? It sucks worse than Lilo’s spray tan leggings! Love her on Entourage though.

September Days

Beauty From The Earth